Britney Spears wears her brown bikini to erase her potential shit stains from not wiping her ass properly which is the same reason why my wife used to wear red underwear for the week of her period back before she gave up on life and would take the time to use tampons instead of what she does now that pretty much makes anywhere she sits or lays down look like a murder scene. I guess this is Britney’s way of telling the world that she hasn’t fully given up yet and there’s still more of her to give us.

The whole thing reminds me of opening my fridge yesterday out of dire hunger and finding absolutely nothing to eat, because my wife beat me to it, but opened the vegetable crisper out of desperation, only to find 2 rotten cucumbers that had probably been there for 6 months, not quite long enough to be dried up and easy to clean. After gagging at the fuckin’ smell that was worse than any rank pussy I’ve met, I figured if I don’t clean it no one will and leaving it there for another 6 months wasn’t condusive to getting my life together. Now I am not the best cleaner or most coordinated person out there so as I tried dumping it into an old grocery bag, I missed and shit exploed all over the floor, polluting the air with rotten cucumber smell and a brown gel like substance that was once nutritious eats. As I scrubbed the floor like the bitch that I am, all I could think about was that this was probably exatly what Britney’s underwear looks like when it isn’t all brown, strategically selected by her stylist to help clean up her dirty little image.