Here is a picture of Alyssa Milano ruining the concept of self shot pics….they say she’s a social media expert celebrity who blocked me on twitter along with everyone who doesn’t like my twitter earthquake coverage , but she’s doing these self shot pics all wrong…and not just cuz she’s pregnant and pregnancy is digusting…but because she’s not fucking naked.

I appreciate the fact that she’s using the hipster photographer app for her pics…but I don’t appreciate the fact that she’s not showing her hipster bush…that I know is a serious bush strictly based on her arm hair…

Pregnant or not, if you’re gonna take a pic of yourself in front of the mirror, you gotta do it right…and that’s naked…

I’m an expert on these things cuz I spend 90 percent of my day looking at self shot pics, or recruiting girls to take them, the other 10 percent of my day is spent shitting, crying, trying to masturbate- usually all at the same time…

I was given tickets to the local premiere of Hall Pass. So the theater I was in didn’t have a red carpet and was filled with old ladies who won the shit on radio contests and shit…but even if I was at this premiere, the only thing that would have saved this movie would have been more of the baby sitters tits…That’s not to say I wouldn’t want to fuck the Blonde Australian …but I just can’t help but hate them for being part of what must be left over ejaculate that poored out of some Farrely brother wife’s asshole weeks after she gave him anal and was found and nurtured into the garbage that is this movie…if that makes sense……

The worst thing in all of it is that people hate being married and a hall pass could really be a revolutionary thing…and instead of showcasing that goodness, we were stuck watching two idiots fail at being men in what was probably some of the most embarrassing maybe even humilating way that wasn’t funny but just left me feeling sad….

I’m glad I saw it, I just wish people put more love into making movies that are actually good….maybe I’m just a hater…maybe this was the shittiest attempt at a movie review ever…I guess I’m no Siskel….

Here’s the Busty babysitter…

Here’s the tight bodied Australian….

Here’s Alyssa Milano’s pregnant mom tits you’d probably stay happily married to even if she’s a bitch to me on Twitter like she was Denise Richards…I love how she’s playing the pregnancy up…

This would have probably been exciting 15 years ago, when both these bitches mattered, before Jennifer Love got old and fat and Alyssa Milano got weathered and boring….Seriously, as if them doing homeless charities together wasn’t enough of an attempt to get the paparazzi to take a pic….staging these “almost” kissing pics is more desperate than two mom’s at a resort bar trying to get their husbands to notice them, but they are too busy checking out the young pussy that still matters.

I hate lightly humorous cries for attention, you know like “haha, we’re so silly and fun” kind of cries for attention. I like my bitches real desperate and willing to do things they never would have done when not desperate for attention, so these pics just piss me off. They are pathetic….but you are a loyal fan…and can’t get over these bitches….so here are the pics…

I am going to pass the fuck out now..

Alyssa Milano is a whore and I am not just saying that because she blocked me on twitter when all I was doing was trying to be her friend. If twitter was high school, she would have been the popular girl who had a party and invited the whole class excpet for me because I was the socially awkward immigrant no one really liked and were actually a little creeped out by and I guess guess that did happen to me in high school and I am sure it happened to some of you, and being reminded of it by some chubby aging cunt in Hollywood doesn’t make me happy and knowing she’s not down to earth but is superficial and high maintenance first hand makes me happy cuz I never bought her sports loving, man’s chick biullshit……but I am saying she’s a whore because of this public display of being a whore with some dude…

Pics via Bauer

Here’s a video of Alyssa Milano Naked in some recent movie called Pathology. Her nude scene is her dead and getting cut open in some sort of autopsy and it’s pretty fucking sick but you can still see pussy. I assume that some of you are fucked up enough to find this hot as you spent most of your childhood killing your neighborhood cats and other random animals that would cross paths with you and you haven’t quite moved onto bigger things yet, because you aren’t that much of a psycho and you just leave the psychotic thoughts for your masturbation.

I was talking to my friend the other day and he told me about how he plays a game called “Would You” with his friends. It’s basically where different scenarios are laid out and you decide whether you’d d fuck the chick or not. One of the weirder ones was if you’re driving down an old dirt road in the middle of nowhere and you come across a passed out 18 year old hot girl in a mini skirt is lying on the side road like she had been hit by a car or something and you pull over to help her, do you bang her or do you call or help or do you bang her then call for help. I guess fucking a passed out chick is a lot less disgusting than fucking a dead chick, most of the chicks I’ve banged were passed out by by booze or drugs and not by getting hit by a car, so I wouldn’t do it and I’d get her help, but I bet you’re not as wholesome as me you horny fuckin’ creep.

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com