I guess Cameron Diaz isn’t who or what I thought she was, unless my title is right and she still thinks it is Halloween….even though I don’t think the stupid eye make-up is really the only cause of the disaster that has happened on her face…I think that the eye make up may just be what she wants us to think is the cause of the disaster that is her face….when in reality it is probably bad botox, or aging, or scars from self mutilation after Justin Timberlake left her for being too old, cuz something isn’t right in these pictures and Cameron Diaz is far from the piece of ass I once thought she was and here are some pictures of the tragedy…

Pics via Fame

I guess either Cameron Diaz’s Biological Clock is ticking, you know that whole really fucking horny at 35 bullshit you read about but wish doesn’t actually happen because your fat wife you married 10 years ago is turning 35 and you don’t want to have to fuck her twice a day like you were 18, you just want to watch football….or she’s lookin’ for new cock, maybe because all the guys she meets in Hollywood aren’t real men, you know they spend more time getting ready than a bitch, spend more time talking about what to wear or how to get their hair done than a bitch, and act worse that a bitch when they don’t get their coffee served to them proper, so she’s turned to an everyday joe fireman who happens to be on set of her new movie making sure a stunt goes right.

Based on these pictures they had sex cuz I can practically hear her pussy dripping down her fucking leg and into a puddle between her legs with how smitten she looks and I know any man in their right mind would pretty much put their life and prior commitments aside for a night with this bitch with the delusion that she’ll fall in love with them and take them long on her hollywood life.

Pics via Fame

Cameron Diaz is amazing.

Not only was her grandfather a dirty cuban cigar roller who snuck into the country to teach the locals how to roll dirty cuban cigars because the American government was trying to choke Cuba out as hard as they could to make the shit into some kind of State, but her tall and lean body coupled with her hefty bank account, and her ability to jerk off a dick while fisting herself makes her top grade pussy.

Sure, she looks like the kind of girl who may be a little too cute and down with the boys, who wants to watch sports despite sports being porn for closet case fags and shits with the door open while scratching her razor burnt cunt because as one of the boys she knows we like our pussy bald, but maybe that was just her in a role in a movie, I am pretty shitty at differentiating reality and bullshit that is celebrity and hollywood, and that’s why I prefer talking about myself.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any beach stories about me and a girl in a green bikini, I also only have Cuban prostitute stories, because Cuba is the cheapest place to travel in Canada and they would bore you, despite being 18 and hairy and willing to spend the week with you for 50 dollars, especially since Cameron Diaz is one of those Cuban prostitutes who only lets other celebrities inside her, so I’ll just leave it at that, because really, anyone who reads shit on the internet, is no one I want to get to know.

Here’s Cameron Diaz getting the grey dyed out because you can be a sexy Hollywood Starlet who plays the love interest everyone wants to fuck, unless you look like you’re 18, something that may not be in Cameron Diaz’s cards anymore, but luckily of her, I met a couple guys the other night you were bragging about fucking 65 year old women because they are easy, like the attention, bake great cookies and don’t need condoms, now I’ve got no interest in saggy menopausal tits and gaping dessert storm dry vagina, but i figure it’s good to know some people do, otherwise you’d be forced to kill yourself like you were Jennifer Aniston.

I am done with hating on Jimmy Fallon. I was talking to some people and they all thought he was garbage, his jokes were ripped off the internet, his interview skills were fucking shit and awkward, they reminded me of a bad job interview with a 7 year old, his skits were forced, but we all agreed that he is going to be bigger than Conan, because he’s an idiot, his set is nicer, he’s been in movies and SNL and people watch movies and SNL so he’s a bigger star that Conan, but after 3 days of sending him hate messages on twitter, I realize it is a losing battle, so I can stop going to my neighbor’s house to watch him crash and burn, which is a good thing because I think my neighbor’s into me in a way he probably shouldn’t be, but he sits on the couch right next to me and I catch him staring into my eyes when ever I look his way. He’s not gay or anything, I guess his life is like prison, you know since no woman will get with him.

Last night, he had Cameron Diaz on and this shit video is her hot dancing. He went to twitter to ask his followers for questions. My question was:

@jimmyfallon ask her if your show made her cry on opening night, not cuz her ex was on, but because it was miserable TV.

It wasn’t chosen.

I am not entirely sure why anyone gives a fuck about Cameron Diaz, the good years are pretty much far behind her and now she’s getting casted to play mothers and not the hot slut everyone wants to fuck. So seeing these pictures of her in movie make-up playing a mother who shaves her head for her dying kid, and actually pretending I give a fuck isn’t really possible. It actually makes me hate celebrities and hollywood more than I did yesterday. I understand that movies are make belief and just a form of entertainment but people get so fuckin’ involved and caught up n the shit because their lives are so useless that seeing people in fake scenarios moves them. The only reason I am posting this is because I know a few of you have fantasies of banging a cancer patient because you get off on how they are too weak to turn you down when you drunkenly force yourself on them, and I am not posting this because I find the pictures hot or important because it’s all a bullshit lie and when the shoot is over she takes off the skull cap and goes back to her indulgent life, instead of going home to deal with her dying kid, like many real people do on a daily basis. So if anything, these pictures are just a big fuck you to everyone out there who is actually suffering and that’s more reason for you to hate this bitch and her multi-million dollar paycheck.

Cameron Diaz is the new GQ cover girl and I think she’s lookin’ pretty good. She’s always had a good body with long legs and I guess that’s the reason Justin Timberlake used her to be his pretend girlfriend so that we didn’t catch onto him being a fag. You know anyone who dances like that’s either into little boys or big boys or pretty much anything with a penis and it is with my expert opinion that Cameron Diaz doesn’t have a penis but she does look like she likes penis with makes the whole thing pretty confusing to me. Since I am hungover, I’ll leave this post like this. I decided that I have nothing else to say about it. Speaking of confusing - WATCH THIS

Here are some pictures of Cameron Diaz buying some flowers for herself because nobody loves her. I don’t actually know whether she’s got some cock or not right now, but I like it better when she doesn’t because I can laugh at her lonely middle aged self for being dumped by a young Justin Timberlake right when he was peaking with his last album. Unfortunately, she’s pretty hot and has a lot of money and that makes her better than anything I’ve ever fucked so here’s some pics of her not buying you flowers which is something you’re used to because your mom doesn’t even buy you presents for your birthday because she’s blocked your phone number even though you live in the basement, because she hate being reminded of how much of a loser you are…

I am hungover. I went out last night at 9 and drank until 6 in the morning. The problem with that is that I got no stories to tell because I don’t remember much of anything that happened. I didn’t get in fights, I didn’t start shit, I didn’t embarrass myself any more that I usually embarrass myself, I just drank amongst a whole lot of 18 year olds because I am a lot like Cameron Diaz, I figure if I pretend I am still a kid, the kids will just think I’m still a kid too, and will want my dick. Reality is that both Cameron Diaz and I are washed up, useless people, with nothing but depressing roads ahead, but delusion allows us to go on and not jump off a very high building.

Here are those pictures of Cameron Diaz reclaiming her youth by acting like she’s 5, so people overlook the fact that she’s going to be 40 soon. Point of all this is to say, she’s still got a good ass.

The only thing wrong with a 32 year old bitch going through a mid-life crisis is pretty much everything, what once was tight, is now loose, and what I once considered ejaculating on, reminds me of a bowl of Oatmeal. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Oatmeal or ejaculating on it, especially if you’re poor. That shit can feed an entire family. I am just saying that Cameron Diaz is like every other single 32 year old.

People like to be like everyone else. People are drawn to what other people are drawn to. There’s a comfort in group approval and thought that makes people happy. They get excited over the same popular song or movie, they think the same girls are hot, they are sheep but they are happy being a part of the herd because it’s not scary because there’s company with them there.

I always turned my back to what was popular, not by choice but because knowing that the masses were into something was enough to turn me off of it. I’d instantly think it was lame when it hit the mainstream. I was accused of being some asshole cynic who was pretentious and purposely did it to prove a point or to purposely be different, because they were sheep who assumed I cared about what people thought of me, because everyone has to care about what people think of you, that’s what our society is based on… So the world is all about living this constant cycle of fitting in and being liked and following the rules.

I have decided today that there is comfort in cliches. Lookin’ at these pictures of Cameron Diaz’s ass exposed in the wind make me think of a washed up has been who everyone wanted to fuck a few years ago, who’s biological clock is ticking and who dated a young dude who left her for new younger pussy, leaving her insecure and forced to workout to get back on the market and bad mouth him for having a small dick, because the small dick line is the girls best defense when a dude leaves her and now she’s flashing the world her ass hoping someone will accidentally throw a bucket of cum on her so that one sticks and knocks her up so that this single depressing life she’s living and hiding behind exaggerated clown faces ends and she can just settle down and be a normal 30 something year old with a bucket of cum dripping off of her……

Here are those pics.

It turns out that I can’t sell an ad deal for this site because the site is basically a genital wart or AIDS lesion on the internet. I never get anything out of anyone, I get rejected for events, I get rejected for interviews, I get rejected for promo CDs, it’s just constant rejection because I guess people just think I am an asshole…or a Joke or both an asshole and I joke. I need to become well liked. I am tired of people hating me and telling other people how creepy I am just because I am a master of internet rape. So I decided that I am going to start touring old folks home and put on shows for them. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I am pretty shitty in public but I am going to come up with something good. I’ll have a camera crew following me, and by crew I mean some asshole with a cellphone video camera, but it’s going to definitely earn me some serious points in the world…When the old folks tour is over, then I hit up the retard homes, then I am going to schools to talk about safe sex, aids and not doing drugs and then I’ll hit up the prison’s to refine those cocksuckin’ lawbreakers…I will make the world a better place and you’re all going to love me, like the song they all sing on American Idol….

In the meantime….look at Cameron Diaz’s Legs because I’d still do her pre-menopausal ass.

A good friend of mine has had a punk band from Korea staying with him and his brother for the last 6 months. We have affectionally named them Rock Band Asia because they’re names are all fucked up shit we can’t pronounce properly because we are all uncultured idiots. They are leaving this Sunday so we decided to take them out last night to get all fucked up and let them get a taste of Montreal strip clubs. Unfortunately there was a problem at the one we usually go to, in the form of 30 fucking cops standing outside and the bouncer telling is no one was allowed in for awhile. We had to had to hit a downtown spot, and the downtown spots suck because it’s where the tourists frequent and they are way over priced. The girls are also generally pretty busted, and the club we went to was no exception.

We pay $30 for all of us to get in, plus a $10 tip to the gorilla who seated us, then pay $48 for 6 fucking beers We sit and wait for the stage show to come on. And wait. And wait. And wait. 20 min later, and 6 beers down, we still haven’t seen any tits or ass. Finally some blonde came out. She was kinda hot but a tad over the hill, and you could tell her time was almost up in the stripping world. She was the veteran in the club, not cause she was good, but because she danced in a way that you know she had been there way too long to even act interested anymore. Gone were the lies she told club patrons that was doing this to put herself through school or to take care of her kids. This bitch had accepted her fate. She was bored, and flashing her pussy and tits to a crowd of horny guys was about as exciting to her as when Mommy makes your your oatmeal every morning. The clincher came when she went to do some sort of leg-kick-move and kicked over a bunch of the drinks on Perverts Row in front of her. We all took a look at each other and that was it.

We went back to my friends house, where I proceeded to whore it up with one of the members of the band after everyone else went to sleep because my friend told me he had never slept with a white chick before and I like to be an ambassador to my country in the form of things like that. Contrary to popular rumors, his dicks wasn’t as small as I thought it would be. True to my form, I slipped out the door when he fell asleep, and stumbled back to my house in the 6 am sunlight.

Here’s Cameron Diaz. She reminds me of the slut I saw on stage the other night. Not only because they look alike, but because they are both past their prime and one box of blonde hair dye away from being completely over the hill. You’re spent baby, deal with it!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Ever Martinez

I always rip into this bitch for being old and washed up and left in the trash by Justin Timberlake for new younger and fresher pussy, but then I realized that Justin was into dudes like Jessica Biel and that he left Cameron Diaz because she didn’t have a cock and couldn’t fully satisfy his needs as the man with the high pitched singing voice and great dancing skills….

I never took the time to take a cold hard look at Cameron Diaz to realize that her legs are fucking amazing and that is why I am doing this post as a celebration of finding something you never thought was there. This is the equivalent of finding a 20 dollar bill in a pair of Jeans you haven’t put on in a year….and makes for a good end to the day….

Other then those awful Shrek movies, I don’t remember when Cameron Diaz did anything except run around on a beach in a god damned bikini. Lucky Her. When you’re someone like me, who doesn’t live where there is beaches and the temperature is below zero for half the fucking year, you tend to get a bit bitter about this shit.

The thing that pisses me about a lot of people who live fantasy lives is they really have no idea how good they have it and always seem to forget that. It’s like once your bank account get above a certain number, you become oblivious to everything you have, and just think the rest of the world gets to live like you do.

That’s why when I was a kid, I was never allowed over to the rich kids houses, cause I was the one that go over there and see everything they have, then just break it all cause I hated them and their rich parents.

I make fun of this bitch all the time, mainly because I don’t find her hot. She’s old and washed up and I can only assume that is why Justin Timberlake had to get up and move on and leave her in his shadows. At least the rejection made her overcompensate by telling the world that the new guys she’s fucking are way better than Justin was, which is standard when a girl’s heart gets broken or by going to the gym trying to make her worth fucking because her head is filled with all the insecurities being dumped by a young person at the hight of their career leaves you with….I guess it’s working out because her legs lookin’ fucking amazing at Coachella and if something looks good, I am not going to pretend they aren’t for the sake of entertainment. Ideally, I’d rather see them on a younger, fresher chick, but I’m the type of guy with a short attention span and when I find something that I can focus on, I can ignore all the other flaws, whether it be a set of hot tits on a fat chick, or a hot ass on a girl with a face that looks like it was beat with a shovel and that is why these pictures made it to my site. I guess they also made it because I have no standards, but I like to think I only post the good shit….even when they are of some cunt trying to be funny with a stupid walk while knowing people are taking pics of her, but again, I just look at her legs and all the rage goes away….