I thought you could see up this German’s skirt…but turns out you can’t….making these pictures pretty much a waste of your time…unless you like the idea of German pussy better than actual German pussy…you know all militant and efficient…cold and humorless…willing to aggressively shit in your mouth while you’re chained to a fucking cellar wall…in which case…enjoy…

I don’t really know who Diane Kruger is. I just know she’s German and Germans like to get intense, agry, emotionless, demented sex with good engineering.

You know these are the people who just 65 years ago were doing tests on humans they deemed subpar because they were told to, making me assume they are a people that are pretty easy to get to convince to lick you’re asshole while you shit down their throat, you just have to tell them something convincing….like that if they don’t do it, they’re bad Germans….

Sure I don’t know much about the culture, but I’m working off logic here, and now their biggest crossover star from their world to ours since Heidi Klum, but then again I’m just saying that cuz I don’t know any other German’s off the top of my head, and this one is rockin’ GQ naked and amazing…and that’s good enough for me…

I don’t really know who Diane Kruger is, but here she is in some movie called Inhale – Naked….

I don’t know who Diane Kruger is, but I can assume she’s Freddie’s daughter, who got her face mangled by his when she was a child acting out of line…I also know that her name is German and she looks pretty aryan, and that germans like getting shit on, making her lots of fun at parties, especially if she shows off her legs, cuz that way you don’t need to really worry about being distracted by that hard face of hers and losing your erection, you can just focus on the task at hand, shitting down her motherfucking throat….

Unless that whole German scat thing is a lie, overhyped to make people like me excited about a culture, you know some Tourism Munich campaign to get hotel sales up or some shit…

And really who fucking cares.

Diane Kruger’s got some motherfuckin’ legs. I don’t know much about her other than the fact that she’s gotta be a model based on these motherfuckin’ legs but I could be wrong, it happens pretty much every day of my life.

I met a really skinny dude the other day, he was pretty much pushing’ 110 pounds because he was dying of Aids and he was lecturing me about how easy it is to pick up girls. He claimed that despite having Aids he gets pussy all the fuckin’ time, I just figured that it was because Aids bitches are easy since they figure everyone would be too fuckin’ scared to sleep with them so when someone willing comes their way they don’t say no, but he claimed that it’s because the weight loss has made his dick look exponentially bigger against his leg. Since he’s just skin and bone, when he gets a boner it’s thicker than his thigh and that optical illusion tricks all the bitches, that’s when he decided to drop his pants in brad daylight in the park to show me his fuckin’ hard on and that’s when I realized that he wasn’t a needle sharing Aids patient but was infact a fucked up the ass Aids patient so I bounced.

I guess I’ll just let you wonder if Diane Kruger’s skinny legs would make your dick look bigger, because wondering from your shitty house is the closest you’ll get.

This is Diane Kruger, German actress famous for playing Helen in “Troy” and also for being in “National Treasure,” which is for some godforsaken reason filming a sequel in London right now. She kind of looks like a pin-up for the Hitler Youth in these pix, well, being German and all.

I used to get her confused with Sienna Miller in 2004, but then Miller shacked up with Jude Law, got traded in for the Nanny, making herself a name. I don’t know when these were taken, but Diane Kruger is naked, so have fun jerking off to Helen of Troy.

About a year ago, I had one of those experiences where I felt like fucking Helen of Troy for 20 minutes when I scored the hottest guy in an exclusive new bar. I stalked and slithered up to him, we sealed the deal on the dance floor. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, but this felt right, because it was raining like crazy as we ran off to his apartment, like something out of a Doris Day movie. All wet, we strolled into his marble floored building, then got down to business. As he spent ONE minute releasing his load, i wondered why there was only a bed and lamp in the huge apartment. Finally he rolled off me and bolted for the shower. Like, what? I don’t have ‘ex-hooker’ tatooted on my vulva and I don’t have any diseases (miraculously) and the trojan was involved, so what was that about? As he scrubbed himself down, I dressed myself, unsatisfied (because, come on, 1 minute, even Jesus at the end of his prime was better than that). As I pulled on my wet jeans, i put two and two together… like probably this wasn’t his apartment, and he was the broker or something, and had OCD about cleanliness, becuase when i was a hooker, I was all about perfect hygeine, and still am.

That manwhore left me feeling dirty and used because this time it wasn’t for survival or pay, it was for the moment, and asswipe treated me like a dumpster slut. I bet Diane Kruger has never been treated as if “ex-hooker” was tatooted across her forehead, but i bet Sienna Miller has. though.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)