I am an Elisha Cuthbert hater and I don’t know why. I just can’t stomach the bitch and whenever I see her in pictures I like to rip into her because it makes me feel better about myself and my hatred for her. She’s useless and since her last/only role she’s let herself go. But I am guessing she’s back in the workforce because these pictures of her out and about make her look pretty fucking good, so I am posting them as a way to retract my hatred for her and channel that shit into love because according the the shitty music my wife listens to, Love can Move Mountains.

You know what else can move mountains….money. I was at the bank machine trying to figure out my wife’s pin number because a man’s gotta eat/drink/see strippers and the motherfucker in front of me left his transaction receipt in the machine and as he walked away gave me an “I’m so much better than you” smirk. When I go to the machine, I pulled out his transaction slip and motherfucker had 72,000 dollars in his bank account. He passive aggressively told me that I am a fucking poor, hurtbag loser and that he’s so much better than me without saying a fucking word. To make the whole night even better, I couldn’t hack into my wife’s account and they cancelled her card I am not eating/drinking or seeing strippers. Thanks asshole.

Here are those Cuthbert looking hot again pictures….

The Sweater Tits:

Bonus – Some White Dress Action

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….

This is what Elisha Cuthbert looks like when she waddles the fuck out of the tanning salon. I used to have a thing for a girl who didn’t put much effort into getting ready. Maybe it’s because my dating experience before my wife consisted of girls who made their money off looking worthy of a $40 fuck. I know that that isn’t as high class as some of the girls you’ve thought about calling, but I know that if I am paying $40 for anything from a chick, she better have lipstick on, especially when she hasn’t showered in 3 days.

Anyway, what I liked about my wife when we first met was that she was low maintenance, she’d throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and be ready for the day. What I didn’t realize about this whole low maintenance shit is that she would let herself go, stink and gain 175 lbs in 4 years. So now I am back into the girls that try to dress all pretty, have eating disorders and care what people think of them, because it’s less traumatic on my sex drive.

I guess what I am getting at is that Elisha is one of those low maintenance chicks you’d think wouldn’t be stressful to be with, but reality is when you get home, she gets all sprawled out on the couch eating dorritos ruining all chances of a future movie career except for maybe playing the mother in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape 2.

One man’s anus is another man’s vagina. That’s my new expression that pretty much means the same thing as the expression I took it from. In this case, ditch pig Elisha Cuthbert is the kind of girl I’d only bang in the ass because girls who take it up the ass are hard to come by and by come I don’t actually mean cum because I haven’t had an orgasm in about 2 years.

But if her ass was on a platter begging for my dick, it’s just something you don’t pass up, even when you are impotent, but not because she is famous, but because it’s anal sex and so many girls are anti anal sex…so if the semi retarded chick with Syphilis offered up her ass, I’d find a way to take it…

I know Cuthbert is the kind of girl that you would fall in love with and take home to your mother and go down on for days upon days even though she’s gained 40 lbs and looks like Porky Pig and tastes like Paris Hildon but you’ve been waiting for pretty much anyone to say yes to a date with you for the last 14 years….You’re tired of your family asking you if you’re gay when you’re really just a virgin.

I guess all I am trying to say is that bitch should lay off the fucking french fries and pie because she was kinda hot at one point in time by my standards, which isn’t saying much. CUDDLES.

I HAD TO TAKE DOWN THE PICTURES BECAUSE I WAS THREATENED TO GET SUED BUT TRUST ME ELISHA CUTHBERT IS FAT

Here are some Paris Hilton and Cuthbert Shopping…They are New Found Friends

I HAD TO TAKE DOWN THE PICTURES BECAUSE I WAS THREATENED TO GET SUED BUT TRUST ME ELISHA CUTHBERT IS FAT