I have been known to have a bike fetish….whether it’s running after girls riding bikes in skirts….or sniffing their seats when they’ve locked their bikes up to go inside a store….it’s just the idea of a vagina smearing itself all over a seat on a hot day…sometimes on a public bike…gets me excited and I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with that…
Unfortunately…seeing Fergie posing on the bike doesn’t do shit for me…especially not on this gangster bike looking at like a cheesy stripper….I’m more into bitches on fixed gear hipster bikes…because they generally have thick bush, don’t always wear underwear or wash, and most importantly are too poor to refuse a free vegan cock…when they aren’t lesbians…not that I would know…I don’t really like dirty ratty hipsters with bush and ironic haircuts who are too serious to stick things in their asses while I jerk off….but I do like the smell of their bike seats….
But I don’t have pics of that, so here’s some fergie bullshit..
I don’t know if I was drunk when I saw these pictures of Fergie in some not so revealing, typical, boring workout gear, but I can only assume it was either a lapse in judgement or maybe a ghost living in my computer did it, because after lookin at shit again, I realize, there’s really nothing to them…but maybe that’s just because there’s not much to Fergie, although I did once hold her hand years ago and her smile seduced me, but that’s just because any female contact makes me down to eat their asshole….Either way, I’m in too deep now to run and I guess that’s a similar feeling Fergie’s husband has every time he wakes up to her hard face and balding head…
I met Fergie once. Her security wasn’t happy about me meeting her and tried pushing me off of her because I was drunk and trying to put my arm around her to discuss my business ideas for her and she told them to back off, grabbed my hand, told me she had to go and had no time to talk but it was nice meeting me, and from that day on, I was in enough love to forget all the mean things I’ve said about her all these years.
She is the reason the Black Eyed Peas aren’t insignificant hip hop artists playing shitty shoes, she’s why people care to hear them cuz we don’t give a fuck about how good a producer Will.I.Am is, we care about how much of Fergie’s body is being exposed, and despite getting older, she’s still rockin’ the no pants, like she was Gaga, only Fergie’s got the body to pull the shit off and the metal panties make me think Chastity belt and anyone who knows me, knows I’ve always wanted to meet an 18 year old in a Chastity belt I get to houdini her out of, it’s one of my life goals that will never materialize….
Fergie is really pushing the boundaries of creative expression in her performances. She’s gone from dancing around half naked. To pretending she’s the fucking Tron Guy who was probably one of the original videos to go viral in the late 90s, but not because of his innovation, but because of his serious socially awkward nerd issues.
You know like the immigrant kid you used to convince to do stupid dances at the high school assembly in front of everyone because he trusted you and believed you when you said it was cool, while really you just wanted to get him up there so everyone would laugh at him with you….
The only hot thing about these pictures is her thinking hair part…shit makes a great bral runway to fantasize about cumming down, like shit’s a fucking waterslide…if you know what I mean….
The NRJ Awards happened this past weekend and nobody cared because no one has ever heard of the NRJ Awards. They are some French bullshit and they managed to recruit Rihanna and Fergie to the event…who I guess thought they had to dress sexy because they were in fashionable France…I don’t know whether they actually won an award at the event, both it is safe to say both definitely won for being washed up sluts the public finally realizes were never hot now that the media has stopped raping us up the ass with their bullshit images trying to hang on as hard as they can….I seriously can’t figure out what happend to Fergie’s face but I think it’s safe to say “Burn victim”…..
Here’s Rihanna doin the doily…..I can only assume her mother in Barbados made this out of shit she stole from the hotel she worked at….
I’ve held hands with Fergie. I snuck into some exclusive event in Canada a few years ago and she was there. I grabbed at her hand to introduce myself and tell her I wanted to rim her ass to see if there were still scars from where her dick was, but her security got in the way and pretty much assaulted me, but as they were ripping us apart, my hand was in still in Fergie’s….shit was like out of a Nazi Germany film where families were being pulled apart by the guards and thrown into different cattle carts taking them to different work camps only to bump into each other on the streets of New York 40 years after that day, like some kind of miracle, only far less significant, traumatic, dramatic or historical…but I guess it was for me cuz I’m writing about it today. She was surprisingly seriosuly worth fucking in person and I guess these pics of her ass on set help prove that.
Fergie is showing off the amazing power of Photoshop while topless in Allure.
I hate photoshop, because with online courses, fat and ugly chicks can trick me. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to some girl on facebook because I got nothing else going for me and she told me she was a model. I went through her pictures and bitch looked pretty fucking good, I didn’t agree to meet her, cuz I hate internet pussy the most, but I did find out what bar she was at and pulled a little creeper move on her to see what I was actually dealing with because I knew it was too good to be true, she was just too eager to be hot and it turned out it was cuz bitch had one of those port stain birthmarks on half her face and looked like she was the Phantom of the Opera all the time, something she was pretty good at erasing in post production.
Not that it matters, I’m still gonna fuck her, but that’s just because I like port after every meal, it makes me feel luxurious and Portuguese.
Here’s Fergie.
Here’s some pictures of Fergie a little less boring, a little less photoshopped and a lot more rough around the fuckin’ edges.
I don’t understand what the what the deal is with Fergie’s head. I am not talking about the head she used to hustle when she was scrounging the LA streets for her next hit of meth, or the head that she used to get the Black Eyed Peas to hire her to make them famous, or the head she gives herself in the bathroom at night as part of her workout regimen, I am talking about the head on her body that belongs on a fuckin’ dude, and a body that belongs naked, in video, getting fisted, while squatting. It is tight, it is nice, it is worth fucking from behind…
I got in a race war last night. I was drunk at a bar, pretty much alienating everyone that crossed paths with me while progressively drinking harder and harder and I don’t think I pissed anyone off officially, but when I left at the end of the nigth, a group of hispanic dudes were screaming at the bouncer, calling him a nigger and I guess I took offense, despite the world thinking I am racist, I really find that kind of behavior unacceptable. So I probably said something that triggered something in one of the dudes, who happened to not be hispanic, but brown, and as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk he fuckin’ bitch slapped me full force, with a running fuckin’ start and got be right on my ear. The bouncers who I know made me go back inside and before I did, I kept asking him if he was going to make me eat out his vagina and shit like that. My ear is blocked and ringing. I am hungover and the whole thing was fuckin’ ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Fergie’s ass in these jeans.
I don’t know if this is Fergie’s nipple, but I guess it could be.
Lookin at this picture brings back horrible memories of high school, where on days we’d be forced to do Gym class outside on fall days, in my pair of short jogging shorts that I got at the second-hand store 3 years earlier and that were a good 3 sizes too small for me, where the girls in the class would rock out with their nipples out in their tight t-shirts, forcing my pubescent, embarrassing-sized, mini-cock to harden into an even more embarrassing sized erection, because I couldn’t lie that it’s just small when flacid, once I came myself, and shit dripped down my leg, only to get called out by the teacher, other times I’d just get laughed off the football field or sometimes, if I was lucky, sent to the principal’s office for being the inappropriate, horny immigrant, where my foster parents would be called in and I’d be lectured and sent to confess my sins, all because of one fuckin’ girl and her amazingly hard teen nipples.
Either way, here’s Fergie, showing what I assume is nipple, but may not be, but is good enough for me, because sometimes, nipple is all it takes….
I was talking to some 20 year old girl the other day and obviously shit lead to talking about her vagina. I made some comment about wanting my old balls hanging off her chin and she got back at me with some shit about loving old balls and I got into some shit about not loving old pussy and she got into some shit about how she doesn’t have an old pussy and how it is young and tight and is hard to get more than one finger in without screaming….
So instead of jumping her then and there, I took it to the next level in sabotaging my chances of fucking her, by letting her know that there are some 2 year old cars that are seemingly still new and in good shape, but when you check out their milage, you can see they are well fuckin’ traveled and may not be something you’d trust on a long distance journey, or really even a trip to the store down the block, you know cuz the suspension is gone, the tires are bald and it burns oil. She got that I was calling her a slut in one of my more obscure ways of calling her a slut and it turns out girls don’t jump on dicks who imply they are sluts, since I guess they like the whole denial of what they have done to themselves….and they don’t care that fucking 40 dudes could be considered a lot to some people because they felt each and everyone of those cocks was worth the ride.
I guess that has nothing to do with a married Fergie almost flashing her ass, I mean other than her being a dirty ditch pig of a woman who has probably done some interesting things for Meth back when she was “addicted”, you know shit that makes flashing the world your ass seem pretty fucking tame.
I wonder if this story makes any fucking sense, I didn’t bother re-reading it, so just ignore the typos, I’m rushing and not Russian.
On a side note -I am digging the new Black Eyed Peas Song….
It was Fergie’s birthday this weekend and here she is showing off her midsection.
Speaking of birthdays, I went to Lady Gaga’s birthday performance, a friend of mine snuck me in, and I realize that I used to rag on Fergie about being a tranny, but that was before I had experienced Lady Gaga, who makes Fergie look like Emily Post’s poster girl of femininity. You know the kind of girl you look at and think about how good of a mother and wife she must be, and not the kind of girl you think has a dick.
Either way, Gaga was like watching a horrible drag show, where she talked about how sexy she is, about money and being famous all while hiding her mangled face behind various masks, because bother her and her record lable know she needs to keep that mess under wraps because she’s a fucking monster.
I stood in the back, getting drunk, making fun of some band that opened from her that were on The Hills and who’s lead singer had a massive cold sore. I also made fun of the fags dressed like Gaga, the girl who thought she was Gaga and pretty much everyone else…so I had an amazing time, unfortunately Gaga didn’t die of a drug overdose on stage.
But I guess that’s got nothing to do with Fergie or her midsection.
Fergie’s not the rock hard body she used to be. I call this the marriage workout. She can finally kick back and take it easy and tell her husband that she was out exercising, meanwhile she’s just planning on gaining enough weight for her husband to regret ever marrying her.
Maybe this low intensity working out, is because her heart is so wrecked from her meth addiction, but I have a feeling that whole meth addiction was bullshit, because I know meth addicts and the last thing I expect out of them is a successful music career and happy, rich, full life, I just expect the scabs and premature death. Maybe Fergie knew someone who did meth and she smoked a hit once but didn’t inhale, but no meth addicts succeed, no matter how many days they stay up jacked and ready to work….because their idea of work is painting their one room apartment black and similar insanity.
Either way, she doesn’t look hot, but she’s hotter than my wife, so I’ll post it.
Fergie got married and now she’s a whole new person. She’s got different color hair, she dresses pretty conservative like a mom and I am not just saying that because her uterus seems to be busting out of the front of her shorts.
To think that a girl who used to miss her period for months at a time because of all the hard drug use, partying, malnourishment and random sex with HPV when she fell from her Disney channel big break, could manage to salvage the broken pieces and put it all together.
Maybe there’s hope for all of us. Fergie is inspiring.
Typical, Fergie quits meth and doesn’t get fat, you know she gets her shit together, gets fit, gets out of debt, launches a successful career and uses the meth card as a lesson to us all that if you do meth, you will succeed, but the second bitch gets married she lets it all go and gets fat.
Now I don’t know if she’s pregnant or if this is just an early case of “I can’t believe you are the woman I married”, but since I feel like the meth broke her uterus, I’m going to go with that she’s just gettin’ fat and fat people disgust me. Just about a minute ago I was taking a shit, and sure I hate when people talk about shitting, it’s all way too frat boy for me, but I looked down and saw what I’ve done to myself and was ashamed and disgusted, and I don’t even give a shit about myself, so when I see sluts I would have fucked at one point in time, following in my footsteps, I just can’t help but hate them.
