You gotta love a bitch who doesn’t get taken out by a Tsunami like 1000s of other bitches who weren’t so lucky, it’s like she’s the chosen one, maybe invincible, maybe just too hot for for a dude to not like her step on his shoulders and push him down while she climbs up the fucking tree for air….tapping into her communist escape surivival skills, where it’s either me or him kinda thing, all cold and Russian about it and able to still smile at events….I mean that’s my take on the Petra Nemcova shit, but then again, maybe it’s fluke and she’s just happy to be alive afte rthe whole greiving process, but where’s the fun in that….I like my women blood thirsty sociopaths, or broken….not emotionally sound and balanced….here she is in a tight enough dress that I’d rather be a bikini….but I hear she loses her shit everytime she gets in a bikini near the ocean, but I could have just made that up….
When she’s not stepping on her boyfriend’s head during to save herself during Tsunamis. Petra Nemcova is dressing up in maid uniform fetish gear, with some vintage pantyhose goodness for trailers of shit I have no interest in watching unless it is on mute for no reason other than that I’m an unsupportive asshole and hate cock tease….It’s like show us your vagina bitch or fuck off….fetish maid uniforms are better than regular clothes but nothing beats naked and spread eagled…
This summer, I got conned into going to a waterpark with my neighbor and his kids because he was willing to pay and I was willing to check out girls in bikinis. I am not one for getting into a bathing suit or going on rides because I find them too labor intensive. You have to walk up stairs with your tube, and walking is something I don’t consider a necessity in having a good time, so I just sat by the wave pool and would try to convince hot mom’s to reenact the Tsunami with me. I’d be like, you play Petra Nemcova and I’ll play her photographer boyfriend and when a wave comes, I want you to run out of the pool and pose like you’re a model, then fake cry, start a charity and attend these glamorous events for the next 2 years and I’ll just stay behind and die. Needless to say, it wasn’t a big hit.
I think it’s a little soon for Petra Nemcova to be out making out with some guy, considering it was just 3 and a half years ago when her boyfriend at the time got swept away byt the great wave. Call me old school, but there’s just something really special about seeing a widowed Italian woman who spends the last 25 years of her life wearing black from head to toe because her husband died. It’s that kind of loyalty that makes me trust marriage, because you know that the husband would be turning in his grave if his woman was gallivanting her vagina around town to deal with her lonliness.
Sure you can argue that Petra wasn’t married, that she was young and that her boyfriend would want her to get on with her life, but those are just excuses that justify her being a slut and rubbing it all in our faces with this public display from a couple weeks ago.
Petra Nemcova brought her tits out to an Aids charity because she knows the one thing people with Aids want to see is a hot set of tits they can’t fuck because girls like Petra don’t like having sex with dude’s who have Aids. Not to mention most dudes with Aids are gay and those who aren’t are for the most part stuck banging the ex-heroin addict crackwhores no one wants because hot put together chicks Aids are hard to find.
Not that Petra really needs to worry because no one with Aids will actually be at the event. Their disease just funded it for celebrities to show off how much they care and probably cost millions of dollars to produce all paid for with money donated to the chairty that would probably be better suited going to the cause than throwing parties for people who don’t eve have Aids, but do have a lot of unprotected sex. I guess it’s because celebrities don’t want to go to Aids parties with Aids patients because it’s a bad look for them, even though someone like Petra is from the Czech, which probably has the highest Aids rate in Europe since it’s got a pretty heavy sex and porn trade goin’ down there.
I’ve decided that Haiti is my kind of country. Not because I am black or because I speak their obscure language, or because I am a taxi driver, but because motherfucker’s are poor and I feel like it’s a place I could feel like Kanye West on my wife’s disability check.
Either way, they recruit a hot washed up model to do charity because she’s only washed up from being caught in the Tsunami and shit killed her boyfriend, it’s pretty obvious that she’s still got it going on in a mail bride kinda way, unlike me, which is why I’d do good in Haiti. I feel like they’d appreciate my work ethic.
I was lookin’ at the pics of Petra Nemcova propped up so everyone could see her hot Eastern European ass pretending to support them, because it’s a good PR move for her celebrity and they are using collapsable chairs as the stage because that’s how classy Haiti is. It’s more ghetto than the shit I used to sit on in AA and broke through because I am fat, or the milk crate I use as a desk, or the box I use as my dinning room table next to my stained mattress I found outside 2 summers ago.
Either way, it’s nice to see her supporting black people with her charity that she started, I am sure more black people will bust nut thinking of her than ever before and there nothing wrong with using your money for good, because I know, if I ever had money, I’d only help myself get more drunk than I already do and on a more regular basis while sitting on a beach surrounded by hookers, but I’m just not a good of a person and karma likes to remind me of that every chance it gets, by never giving me money to get drunk on beaches with hookers….
You’d think Petra Nemcova would have dressed like a mail-order bride, but I guess since she was saved from the Eastern European sex trade by American modeling agencies she thinks she can get away with denouncing her birthright and I always hate when people get big and pretend they weren’t who they were in their past.
The other day I saw a hooker I used to roll with and she pretended she didn’t remember me. She was young and took a few wrong turns, but by the time she was 21 pulled it together, went to school, got a job and is now married to some rich dude and has some kind of rockin’ career that allows her to drive her kids to Starbucks in a Range Rover. I am an asshole and like to call people on that shit, maybe it’s cuz I am bitter that I am still living the same shitty lifestyle and it makes me feel better to let people know I know they are living a lie. So I walked up to her and said what’s up, she pretended she didn’t know who I was at first, but then I dropped her name and said how I knew her. She tried to blow shit off like it was a long time ago and a lot has changed and kept trying to change the subject, but I was persistent and kept telling her she should write a movie about it. Apparently, her husband and her social circle have no idea what she was up to when she was 19, but I do.
That said, Petra Nemcova will always be a mail-order bride in my eyes, she’s just way too expensive for my blood, but you can take a girl out of the human sex trade, but you can’t take the human sex trade out of girl. At least that’s my theory….and I am sticking to it. On a side note, I just won employee of the month over here at DrunkenStepfather.com so it’s a big day for me and my colleagues that include me.
Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.
I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.
I like going to Starbucks and positioning my shitty lap top so everyone around me can see what I am doing on my computer. Then I look for some seriously fucked up porn clips, pull out a notebook and notes on the shit like I am Siskel and Ebert, before Siskel died.
I usually do it during the day when the only people in the place are old ladies, new mothers and ready to drop knocked up bitches bored on maternity leave. They are my audience, I figure those sluts know this shit better than most, but that’s just because they’re packin the proof with their old age and post-pregnancy weight.
I’ve been kicked out a few times for being inappropriate, but for the most part people just look the other way in disgust and don’t bother complaining. I don’t know why I get a kick out of it, I guess I just like being around people who are of a normal weight and this is the best way to make new friends without actually having to put myself out there and introduce myself. Reality is, that strategy doesn’t work out so well.
Speaking of not working out so well, here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova communing with regular people by taking a taxi like she couldn’t afford her own driver, but is easily impressed because she’s from communism and in communist Russia, getting a ride on your neighbor’s son’s back was considered luxury.
I saw these pictures last night but was too lazy to post them. I was all about doing it in the morning when I woke up, unfortunately the morning became 2 pm and then after folding laundry and doing dishes I finally get to them. The reason I am folding laundry and doing dishes isn’t because I am the bitch of the household. It’s not because I am neat. I do it out of necessity because shit fucking smells really fucking bad and I can stomach bad smells for a couple of weeks but when they turn really fucking bad I start to think my life is in danger, and despite being aware of my sucking at life, I still like to live it or drive it into the ground. Being poisoned by my wife’s panty stains isn’t really how I want to go. However, being poisoned by Petra Nemcova’s panties is a definite better option and I know that shit is deadly cuz that serial player to the stars Stavros got a piece.
Sometimes I wonder how many dudes some of these girls have bagged. I remember being 20 years old and meeting a 20 year old girl who had banged 30 dudes and I was kinda shocked and grossed out because she wasn’t a hooker and most girls I knew had only been with 10 or less because they were just starting out. She was the first regular girl and I got skeptical about cumming inside without a condom, but figured she’d know what to do if she got knocked up because she had experience in the situation, like hiring an ex cop to find out if your wife is cheating on you, not that I would do that, if my wife was cheating on me, I’d buy the dude a drink and thank him for taking her off my hands, figuratively of course, because if she was on my hands literally, I wouldn’t be able to type this shit because all my finger’s be broke.
Marie-Eve here, again. Apparently Jesus’ computer is on the fritz, so I’m gonna be doing the posts a tad early while hes getting ready for his Cruise. I’ve been getting some lovely emails from some of you and also some that are pretty creepy, but keep them coming, I love it!! stepdaughter@drunkenstepfather.com
Here’s some pics of Petra Nemcova and some other lucky, lucky person messing around with some body paint, which I guess is what super models do when they aren’t at fashion shoots on tropical islands, going to swanky parties, and having sex with millionaires.
They have this sort of outdoor festival where I live every Sunday, and its always filled with a bunch of old and young hippies, plus a few normal people that go up there just for the hell of it. You’ll always see a good amount of idiots playing the drums, blowing bubbles and dancing in circles and urging you to join in on the love fest. The last time I was up there, there was a bunch of them body painting each other, and of course one thing led to another and a few of the girls took their tops off to let some of the guys (who looked like the forest had just thrown them up) paint their tits.
As always, it wasn’t the hott looking pixie hippies that chose to undress, but the fat, unshaven, pasty white ones instead. Why does it always go down like like? Can some one explain it to me, please? Why is it that the most disgusting people are always the ones that are the most comfortable with themselves? Anyone?
Here’s some shots of Petra to ease the pain of people who don’t know how to cover up.
Here are some Petra Nemcova topless on the runway body painted pictures.
If I was an art student in college this would be my career goal. When all the pansy artist hippie motherfuckers with their potluck dinners, ratty thrift store clothes and bohemian trying hard to live the artist way cocksuckers would try to get all introspective and analytical on my airbrushed canvases of flames, a bikini, a t-shirt and every other thing I’ve seen airbrushed on a bitch, I’d just look at them, smile and say “art fag, i am going to be a body painter while your living in an artist loft smoking opium your rich art school friend bought with their daddy’s credit card, I’m going to be turning pussies into a pair of fucking boy shorts”….knowing that when that loser has dreams of being the next Picasso, I’ll have the best excuse to stare a hot chick’s naked without looking creepy. Fuck romantic idealistic bullshit when you’ve got smut that you can pretend isn’t smut by claiming it’s art…..
I don’t really know where I am going with this, but becoming an air brush body painter is a weird fucking life goal but I am glad someone’s doing it, because it motivates chicks to get naked and anything that motivates chicks to get naked motivates me to look at them get naked and remember – there’s nothing wrong with wearing pants that look like white trash beer drinking RV Camping beach towels.
Tsunami Survivor Petra Nemcova is one of those girls who is pretty decent for an eastern European chick. I know most Eastern European chicks you hear about are either models, or pornstars, or mail order brides you dream of because your rich friend’s divorced father has one and she looks like a total slut.
But reality is that these rationed toilet paper using communist slags aren’t all sexy big breasted olympic gymnast bikini models. There are a lot of them with beards, and bellies, and the ability to wrestle bears while chopping wood and giving birth all at the same time. These are the bitches named Olga or Vaclav but they don’t ever make it big here in North America, because we don’t acknowledge serious talent.
I forget where I was going with this post, but since it’s almost 4 and I’ll I’ve posted are the breast feeding pics, I’ll leave you with these pictures of her preventing an upskirt and busting out of her dress like a hot slut I’d love to take a bath with, unfortunately she’s banged Stavros, who has banged Lohan and Paris and you know what both of these bitches have festering in their panties (when they wear panties), and that’s something that I don’t really want sharing my bath water and I’d bath in a fucking puddles of piss and dirt on the corner of the street like my friend who was trying to wash off the smell of a hooker he fucked before going home to his overbearing wife one night this spring.
I could got the racist route and start making jokes about the dude in the turban because American’s assume that anyone with dark skin and a turban is a terrorist, but I am not going to do that, because I am a man of the people and as a man of the people, that mean’s I respect all types of crazy religions, even the Jews. This dude isn’t even an Arab, he’s Indian and people from India don’t suicide bomb, they just make a lot of fucking babies, like gold and lavish palaces and produce all the Bollywood movies you’ve never heard of, they even own the convenience store down the street from me and never give me fucking deals on cigars and also own the Indian restaurant that has an all you can eat Buffet that my wife can’t get enough of, literally…I hate when people do that, but we have been asked to never come back and if we do they are going to charge her for 2 people.
That said, this is Petra Nemcova at some Czech charity event for kids, obviously not dressed slutty enough for me or for the poor communist boys that are used to seeing the old haggard lady named Olga who serves them rationed porridge everyday and who are forced to jerk off to old contraband playboy magazines that were smuggled in the country in the 70s during the Cold War….but I guess she doesn’t really care about the kids, this is obviously more of a publicity stunt for her and her home country…
Yes…I know that the Czech Republic produces some of the dirtiest porn out there, I know eastern europeans aren’t circus performers who teach bears to balance on balls, or gypsy’s trying to read my fortune, or are too busy waiting in line for bread anymore but there isn’t much of a post without the communist jokes that sucked.
Either way, we can all learn a lesson from these people, it’s like fucking Sesame Street and the next time you see an ethnic person, and by ethnic I mean anyone who isn’t your kind, give them a fucking hug, or give them the Nemcova heart hand gesture. I am sure it will go over really well. Especially if you do it in the ghetto part of town…Cuddles…
