Scarlett Johansson had her email hacked, at least that’s the rumor. They are saying there are nude pics of her floating around, these aren’t them.

I don’t believe it til I see it, I just assume it’s a Hudgens cover-up, you know cuz she had a scandal a few weeks ago that you probably already forgot about,….that’s what happens when your career is based on some fad for 10 year olds who are now 14 and are ashamed of the bullshit.

Not that that has anything to do with Scarlett Johansson, the most overrated “beauty” in Hollywood….who you all think is so fucking amazing for some weird reason I call marketing, but who irritates the hell out of me…especially when she talks all slow, nasal, raspy and annoying. I just want to cunt punch her while shoving my dick down her throat to shut her the hell up….I’m a gentleman like that….Hi girls….

Here she is in Vogue China wearing tight clothes, it’s like Lost in Translation all over again for this bitch….who cares. FOLLOW ME

I don’t give a fuck about Scarlett Johansson, but then again I don’t give a shit about anyone…especially when they are overrated swine…you know, short, fat and dumpy with a big nose…but apparently, when they are photoshopped to shit for a ad campaign cuz that’s all the work she can get…I like ‘em just fine….

That’s all I have to say about that.

Scarlett Jahansson is married to Alanis Morisette’s ex-fiance…and now for some reason bitch is turning into her. I’m not sure if this is one of those insecure with her husbands past relationship things cuz she caught him jerking off to an old sex tape or something…but this homely shit is bad.

She’s rockin’ lesbian forearm tattoos, a elogated face with ratty fucking hair and she’s wearing a fat chick dress that fat chicks wear to give their fat body shape that is less of a sphere and more of a pear. This is more than disappointing. She has a responsibility to the public to live up to the overhype she got a few years ago when you idiots assumed she was more special than she actually is…

But the good news for her is that her fans are mainly virgin losers committed to pussy they will never meet cuz it’s easier to have fantasies than real human relationships…especially with all their aspergers…

I know people who get off to a lot less than a little cleavage on pussy they want to fuck….or pussy they don’t even want to fuck…but can’t help but jerk off to because it just happens to be there…people have weird fetishes, it’s just that simple, so Scarlett Johansson and her big nose may not be spread eagle doing a dance routine, but she’s still Scarlett Johansson, sometimes that’s enough for some…unfortunately, it’s not enough for me…but I am posting it anyway…cuz this bitch is overrated thanks to you virgin losers who don’t know how to move the fuck on…and I feel compelled to feed you idiots what you are into even if you should get over those things and even if the pictures suck…but unfortunately not as much as I suck…at life..

I never really got sucked into the Scarlett Johansson hype. I always saw a chunky, uninteresting girl with big enough tits and a nice enough face to look at, but nothing nearly as amazing as everyone seemed to think she was….she has flaws I just can’t ignore…unless of course I was dealing with them face to face, but since I’m not, I’ll judge her.

Sure she’s hot, I’d be an idiot to say she isn’t, but I can say she’s nothing special, I see girls as equally good on the daily and maybe I just have fucked up ideas of what makes a bitch hot or not….but I’m pretty sure she was a product of major fucking marketing…what I call big titty hype that got dudes excited….more than anything….cuz she has been consistently boring as fuck to watch….Never any drunken episode, nip slips or sex tapes, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s a sign of a bitch who thinks she’s too good and more important than she is. Fuck her.

But she photoshops well, so I figured I’d put these pictures up anyway.

Here are some voyeur pictures of Scarlett Johansson at the gym trying to slim down for old times cuz she realizes that a young chubby busty single chick brought her much more success than a thick older married chick and as a real voyeur, I am disappointed, I find them pics real fucking boring, and don’t understand why the paparazzi didn’t do what they were supposed to do and set up a camera in a locker that has a view of the showers like I’ve seen so many times on the internet, cuz a naked Scarlett Johansson is far more interesting than a clothed on, 15 pounds overweight or not.

Sloppy. But at least she’s doing something about it. Not that “doing something about it” has ever got me off, especially with my wife, cuz the only thing she does about the shit is just emotionally eat more food in one sitting than a small African Village eats in a week…

Pics via Fame

I have jerked off to vintage pictures from the 60s a few times. Once was when I was working in construction and found a tin box of nude photos, letters and a tuft of pubic hair in a pink kleenex in the wall we were demolishing….another time was when I was staying at my friend’s mother’s house out of town and she had a few framed family photos of their daughter in her bikini, a girl I found out died in a horrible accident a few hours after that picture was taken, making me feel like I fucked a ghost. I’ve also jerked off to old issues of Playboy…There’s just something about a aging photo shot on film of a woman I know has aged too, if she’s even still alive, that fires me up….

These pictures of Scarlett Johansson copying that shit isn’t quite as exciting as my experience with actual pictures from the 60s, but I guess it was a good enough try by Mango, except for the fact that she’s wearing clothes and a married woman who has lost pretty much all her sex appeal….but you may dig it.

I am just posting this Iron Man 2 poster for the virgin losers who think Scarlett Johansson still has it going on, or who already thing they’re engaged to her just based on the amount of times they’ve jerked off to her pictures between Role Playing videogames and the quality of the full body digital print they’ve managed to get on their bedsheets so that they feel like she’s in bed with them everynight, cuz that’s just how committed virgin loser comic book geeks are….

I figure at least one of you can jerk off to this movie poster, despite how fake she looks, because you’ve been getting off to cartoons for decades, so it’s not that much of a stretch…enjoy….

I get a lot of hate from people who have little goin on in their lives who get worked up over celebrities enough to get mad when I say that Scarlett Johansson is a fucking pig of a girl. From her first movie until now, whenever I have looked at her, I’ve seen a potentially obese girl, who just happened to not be obese since it would be the end of her career, while everyone else sees this goddess with big tits and big lips who embodies classic Hollywood, while all I see lips that act like football pads who break the impact when she’s shoveling food down her throat and someone who happens to hold her 15 pound surplus in the right part of her but that will spill over into the rest of her and based on these pics, it seems like the end is fucking near…

And here are some pictures of Ryan Reynolds pretty much agreeing with my observation but delivering it in a less painful way by taking her fat ass to the gym and masking it an excursion where they can spend some time together because they have such busy schedules and usually barely see each other, but in reality it is to help his erection function when she gets naked by stopping the sloppy, but then again he was engaged to Alanis when he was a nobody and she is probably the ugliest head in pop music in the last 2 decades, so that just shows the magnitude of how serious this shit is and how desperate he is.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Scarlett Johansson has big tits. Everyone already knows that. Here she is in Vogue, showing them off. I am not sure what else you expect me to say about that. I mean I could go on about my wife’s big tits, or sucking big tits, or being in a grocery store and having a kid point at me and say look at his big tits, but I would rather just post this shit and forget about that little fucker and his making me self conscious.

The day you start caring about what a girl you’ve never met does to her hair is the day you have to come to terms with the fact that you are really fucking strange. Lucky for you, today is that day, so now that we’ve recognized the problem, you can start working on fixing it.

Sure, I am the kind of guy who doesn’t notice when my own wife gets her hair done, even if she changes the fucking color, sure, I never look at my wife or listen to her when she talks, but I can still stand back and say that just because you are a die hard fan of a girl’s tits, or maybe a little obsessed with a girl making everyone around you feel a little uncomfortable, the second you start talking about what look you like best on her, you’ve gone into the realm of creepy. Sure, you’ve spent many afternoons jerking off to her, but that doesn’t mean you have a fucking connection with her, so be a fucking man or enter hair dressing school, because somethin’s not right here and I’m gonna go with…you.

So Scarlett Johansson was on Leno, she claimed she had a cold she got from Samuel Jackson, and they decided to auction this shit….

Here’s the ebay discription:

During her 12/17/08 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Scarlett Johansson blamed her cold on The Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson, saying she caught it from him. She believed that for this reason her cold had some “value.” During her appearance on The Tonight Show, she blew her nose into a tissue provided by Jay Leno. All proceeds of this sale will benefit USA Harvest, the charity of Scarlett Johansson’s choice.

That’s a really weird fetish , because anyone buying anything Johansson is doing it for sexual reasons, especailly when they are paying 2000 dollars for a dirty fucking Kleenex and I don’t know how they are getting away with it because the one time I tried selling my wife’s soiled panties on ebacy, because shit was gross and I knew that some dudes out there like gross, and are willing to pay for gross, you know putting her crusty shit on standing in front of the mirror, or rubbing it on their faces so they can smell her dirty ass but for some reason ebay kept pulling my auctions and banned my account….

But when you are NBC and a celebrity, you can take your germ filled kleenex to ebay for some kind of publicity stunt, that is hyngeinically just as disgusting as my wife’s shit stains, and you know anyone paying 2,000 dollars for this is not going to be doing anything wholesome with this shit, they are probably planning on cloning her, because it is time to replace that sex doll with Johansson’s picture taped to its face, with a real Johansson….Weird Science.

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Scarlett Johansson reminds me of a childhood friend I used to spend time with’s sister. She wasn’t really anything amazing to look at, you know always had a dumb look on her face and a bit of a dumpy body, but she had huge tits and for some unknown reason (her huge tits), all the guys in our school wanted to fuck the shit out of her.

I used to try to convince my friend to take pictures of her showering or in her underwear or pretty much anything exclusive that only he’d have access to because he was an insider and he would always get mad at me, you know telling me shit like “Dude, that’s my sister”.

I would always tell him that that was the beauty of the whole situation, firstly she’d never expect him to be doing that or lookin’ at her like that, so she’d be more comfortable and willing to be naked or topless around him because she didn’t see him as the predator but as family.

I would also tell him that if I had a sister, I’d totally bang the shit out of her, because at the time I was horny and appreciated the idea of having pussy sleeping in the bedroom next to me, and he would just freak out on me.

I then did some research at the local library to prove that there is no evidence that fucking your sister would lead to flipper babies, especially if you’re wearing a condom. The whole flipper baby theory was the government’s way to control people into being too scared to marry their family members and reproduce with their family members, before TV existed. You know, make them think if they do it, they’re going to go to hell and their demon child will be the proof that will get them caught, and I was just asking for some nudes, I wasn’t asking him to go out and crawl in bed with her and slide his hand in her panties while she was sleeping, and by hand, I mean penis.

Needless to say, I never got the pics, we stopped being friends and my persuasion didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, but every time I see Scarlett Johansson, I think about that girl and the set of tits I never saw. Here she is at some event.

So some people love Scarlett Johansson and I am not one of those people. I find her annoying, sloppy and pretty much a waste of space. When I hear her annoying raspy voice when she’s in movies I just want to mute the shit and she always seems to play the same lazy slow moving cunt in every movie, because she’s a slow moving lazy cunt in real life.

I am not goin to lie, I saw Lost in Translation and as embarrassing as that is, it’s got nothing on her scene in her panties and despite her being the only real pussy in the movie, seeing her in her underwear kinda turned me onto Bill Murray as the only escape from lookin’ at her. All she has going for her is a decent set of fat tits, and that’s never really been enough for me to be a fan of anyone, but has been more of a justification for fuckin’ ugly chicks with big tits. The good news is that she realizes that she’s second rate and not all that hot because she’s getting married to Alanis Morissette’s sloppy seconds and I don’t know about you, but I know that sloppy seconds is a good gauge of the caliber of person you are. When I am aware of how disgusting a girl’s sloppies are, I never commit to that shit and that’s usually the reason why I don’t let them show me their exes because I can’t deal with the blow to the self-esteem it gives me, despite me usually being the worse of two evils.

The point is that dude was engaged to Alanis Morissette and that’s a whole lot more than a one night stand while drunk. Alanis is someone I’d ever get up inside and I have no fuckin’ standards so the thought of her dirty stink stained on Ryan Reynolds and dripping out of Scarlett confirms just how disgusting this slag is.