I don’t understand how the paparazzi can be this close to a bitch, so close she walks by the motherfucker in tights, and the fucker doesn’t turn around and grab some ass pictures…If I was a paparazzi, there’d be a hell of a lot more zoomed in tit pics, and crotch shots, leading me to think maybe that’s my true calling, cuz if you can’t get it done for you the way you want it done, you gotta go get it yourself, but I’m not prepared to get arrested for hiding in closets jerking off with an iphone camera pointed at the bed while the bitch sleeps…so these will have to do.
Esquire really wants people to know these pictures are theirs…It’s like having an annoying roommate who puts her name on her can of beans so that you don’t steal them…even though they cost 80 fucking cents you ghetto fucking bitch…or it’s like the bratty only child who invites you to his birthday party when you were growing up but who won’t let you touch the atari and instead makes you watch him play it….it’s like the short rich dude with the hot girlfriend who needs everyone to know she belongs to him…making a spectacle of the shit in the most annoying way….
We get it Esquire, you got Stacy Kiebler, a Dancing with the Stars contestant 5 years ago, to strip down into her undewear cuz she had nothing better to do with herself, you know since Dancing With The Stars was pretty much the last we saw of her legs, unless you’re one of those creepy people into wrestling and the women who are part of it….
Not that it matters…print magazines are dead….it’s just a matter of time….and here are the pictures…
I know these aren’t the hottest pictures of Stacy Keibler and I am not sure recent hot pics of Stacy Keibler even exist. She kinda faded after her DWTS stint a few years ago and hasn’t really been heard from since…at least not by me….and I almost forgot she existed, until the other day when some site sent me a press release that Stacy Keibler was the most searched pussy on their site…people were still going there and searching for pictures of her…because they are clearly emotionally fucked up and can’t get over a fantasy of the past….kinda like going through your high school girlfriend’s facebook looking for a bikini pic to jerk off to for old times cuz you don’t own any of that shit since it was before digital cameras and even before girls openly wore bikinis to the beach….you know the 80s and their one-pieces…only without the whole relationship…
I find the whole thing weird…Just let it go man…let Stacy Keibler age gracefully into a wrinkled mess who once had legs the world wanted to wear as a scarf….Move on.
Here are some Stacy Keibler legs, not because I care about Stacy Keibler, or because she’s done anything relevant, but because someone keeps sending me fucking emails about how none of these hollywood bitches have legs that compare to Stacy Keibler, I figure that dude also has every picture she’s ever been in printed up and stuck to his wall with cum, a pillowcase with her face printed on it and a rubber vagina he refers to as Stacy, cuz the average person has probably forgot about Stacy Keibler since Dancing with the Stars and her Wrestling….but I guess maybe these legs will remind you.
I think it’s almost funny that wearing leggings are enough reason to get me to post on the site, even though every fucking girl and her mother and maybe even her grandmother are rockin’ leggings these days, like shit isn’t skin tight, ass and pussy hugging and the closest I’ll ever get to seeing them naked. I guess it is evolution of the cocktease slut, as the cocktease slut is wider spread than ever, and soon enough bitches will be walking around the city naked, pointing to their pussies asking if you want it only to say “you can’t have it” so you act like the caveman you are and take it because there’s only so much cocktease a man can take before raping.
I hate wrestling and every cheesy motherfucker involved in the shit. Whether it is the closet case redneck trashy motherfuckers who watch the shit, or the business men exploiting the idiot wrestlers and closet case redneck trashy motherfuckers to make huge fucking money. I think it’s a joke that should have never picked up and become popular and I think it’s a testament of just how shitty the USA and capitalism is, because if anyone can become a billionaire of something so stupid, you know you’re in a pretty fucked up place.
That said, Stacy Keibler’s lookin’ good in a bikini, but I’m capable of remembering her at her peak as the legs on Dancing with the Stars and that’s really all I have to say about this….
I know she wasn’t in a horrible motorcycle accident, or that she’s not a diabetic who doesn’t follow treatment, or one of those weirdos who obsesses over losing limbs even though they don’t need to lose limbs. I know she didn’t step on a land mind, I know she wasn’t tortured by enemy spies, I know she didn’t get the flesh eating disease and I know she’s not an amputee, so obviously she would still have legs, I just didn’t remember how amazing they were….you know cuz this bitch is hardly relevant anymore…
I like to reference things I think suck by calling them “gayer than bicycle shorts” because bicycle shorts are pretty fucking gay. Unfortunately, Stacy Keibler is putting my theory to the test by wearing a pair, because when they are on some useless ex-wrestling, Dancing with the Stars slut and are short, tight, and hugging her pussy, all while showing off her long legs, there’s little gay about this shit. Even if she wore this outfit while suckin’ off a dude getting fucked up the ass by another dude in some kind of bi-sexual porn, I’d still have trouble calling it gay and I may be forced to start calling thing I think suck “gayer than two dudes riding a motorcycle” because that is always fuckin’ gay.
Speakin of Gay, I went to grab a coffee earlier and there was some dude who reminded me of you in front of me. He was an awkward lookin’ guy you’d expect collects action figures and plays a lot of videogames and has very few friends. I looked over at him and noticed a gob of fuckin’ cum hanging from the side of his head like he just finished jerking off to anime and the orgasm was built up for so long because he’s mom never gives him fuckin’ privacy and dude didn’t realize it like he was in that Something About Mary scene but less Jewish. I found the whole thing disgusting and tried not to make it obvious, but my gagging sounds were kinda hard to pass off as gas. It was fuckin’ vile but I get free coffee at that place so I’m not about to let some virgin’s cummy hair ruin that for me like they’ve ruined posting celebrity nipple pictures by giving me a bad name and confusing people into thinking I am one of them.
Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:
You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.
Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra
Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own
Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart
Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support
Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless
Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….
Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…
I love legs and Stacy Keibler’s got some fucking insane legs and here they are covered in some stockings like she’s some kind of fetish model or some kind of doll, which is probably something you relate to, since you’re always on the real doll site trying to design your perfect woman when your ugly wife is at work, but you know you’ll never be able to afford one.
I have a problem where I fall in love every time I leave my house, and by love I mean I want to see at least one girl naked every time I walk outside. Last night was a girl dressed like an Indian who I kept running into throughout the night and when I was drunk at 3:30 am and saw her for the fourth time I decided to try to seduce her so I screamed some frat boy cheesy shit like hey little indian, let me rape and pillage your village, steal your land, kill your men and knock you up and teach you how to speak english, then when I am done with you, I’ll throw you in the backyard, but you won’t need to pay taxes and you can open a casino and sell illegal cigarettes. She didn’t end up getting naked for me, but little blonde indian girl in white from montreal, who bumped into a homeless lookin’ motherfucker who smelled like urine and was standing alone by the DJ Booth, if you’re reading this, the offer still stands.
Ok – So I haven’t quite got the fat slob strippers out of my system, I wish I wasn’t poisoned by what I saw, but I can’t really help it. I feel this is what kids feel like when they see their parents fuck. I never really knew my parents because my mother was a hooker in Mexico and my dad was one of her John’s, at the time of her death, we had narrowed it down to 10 potential clients of hers, but that doesn’t really matter, what does matter is that she always banged in front of me, but it was her job so I don’t think it was that traumatic, or as traumatic as it would be for you to think of your mom on all fours taking it from your dad….
Either way, these Stacy Keibler playing volleyball pics, remind me that not all girls are lazy slobs who don’t realize they are lazy slobs and decide to live the hot girl with insecurities and daddy issues life as a stripper. Let’s hope that that is all I really have to say about this….because it’s starting to get boring, I know. Just look at the pics…Cuddles…..
I always found funny when I’d see girls I once slammed dating new guys and taking on a whole new persona for them . There were times when I saw crackwhores I banged turn Christian, or alcoholic sluts I met in clubs turn sober and there was even a time I slammed a chick who came up to me three years later as a man with a dick and everything, if I knew she had that kind of money, I probably would have stuck around a little longer.
The point of this post is to say that Stacy Keibler was a wrestling slut, the kind who only wore a bikini, the kind who you’d expect to see in a hot body contest on springbreak, the kind you’d see in a cheap dress exposing her ass cheeks and cleavage while drunk on cheap vodka…but then she goes and meets a dude in Etnies and thinks it’s time to punk up with a skull t-shirt and Freedom Hat. Fuck that noise.
I knew a jewish girl who went to a tattoo parlor to get a piercing and decided to dress punk rock, that same girl went to a hip hop show and dressed thug, the same girl went to the movies and dressed like a disney character, that same girl had as much confidence in herself as a bitch who stops flaunting her “SLUT” for some dickhead in a skate sweatshirt….
I have always hated wrestling, even when I was a teenager in the 80′s. All the white trash in my school would get hard on’s for all those classic wrestlers, I was too busy reading National Geographic, lookin for nipple. I guess I always knew what my calling was. I know Stacy Keibler is best known for her wrestling career, I know her from “Dancing with the Stars”. My fat wife loves that shit, probably because she can’t support her own weight anymore, so dancing becomes a dream. It’s like when paralyzed people dream about going for a jog, or impotent people watching porn, or gay men watching Oprah. It doesn’t really matter. What does matter is how bitch shakes her ass like nobody’s business.
