Well this joke kinda writes itself now doesn’t it. Rihanna and Chris Brown went to the place they met for a romantic date and some motherfuckin’ chicken. I mean I don’t want to sound racist or anything, but KFC is to black people what McDonald’s is to Asian people. Motherfuckers love that shit and there is really no arguing it.

I mean there have been times when I am broke and my wife insists on going to KFC on cheap Tuesday, because in Canada you get 2 pieces and fries for 2 dollars or some shit, and walking in to get her her 8 boxes, because even I won’t eat that shit, is like walking into Harlem, Compton or some project in Haiti.

This one time I walked out of there, after spending my wife’s 4 dollars on a couple meals, and 8 black dudes surrounded me and started hassling me for money, you know pushing me, trying to rough me up, one dude even showed me the handle to what I assume was a gun. I told them that I was just there for the chicken and didn’t have any money, so they frisked me and ended up running off with my chicken. I don’t want to sound racist, or imply that black people are criminals or that they will kill for KFC, I mean, I’m just telling a story about something that actually happened to me, so don’t hate me for it, hate the system for letting these fuckers get so poor they can’t even afford KFC on cheap night, unlike superstar Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown, who like white people joining the country club or buying the Lexus, are showing off their success to the black community of the world by showing up to a KFC on a regular night, because in the black community, regular priced KFC is for rich folks….and I hate seeing people flaunt their wealth like that.

So it is official, I am finally having low self esteem dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I was out partying with my wife back when she was hot. She ended up disappearing on me and running off with some 55 year old rich dude who wasn’t fat and I was scrambling trying to find her. When I did, she had just finished fucking the shit out of the dude and started telling me how much better he was than me and how she was going to be leaving me because she was in love. It turned out the dude was married and wanted nothing to do with her, so she came crawling back to a broken down me. Having no self esteem I took her back and from that point on she knew she had me by the balls.

The truth is that if that happened in my real life, where my wife is 300 pounds, I’d be happy as fuck if this happened because another man would mean that I wouldn’t have to do my husband duties once a month and service her greasy box like some kind of sick mechanic, like I have no choice to do right now, but for some reason waking up from that dream made me feel more worthless than I did going bed next to that bitch.

Speaking of love, here are some pictures of Rihanna with her boyfriend who she claims isn’t her boyfriend in Barbados in her bikini that are uninspiring, even though I find her hot, but they are good enough to start the day. I don’t like that she’s obnoxiously chosen a Pink jet ski, because I hate girls who are obsessed with the color pink and need all accessories to have some pink in it, but I do like their pink. I also like that she’s tapping into her African roots by wearing her Zebra inspired top and mismatched bottom like she can’t afford a bikini that matches like she was in the fuckin’ projects, but the top is good enough for me, it’s like Animal Planet and I would totally get Steve Irwin on her ass like we were at his Australian zoo and I was hunting that shit down to feed it, but Steve Irwin is dead and so is my motivation.

Here are some shitty pictures of Rihanna and Chris Brown in a hot tub and I am not just saying that because they are brown. I am saying it because my idea of a hot tub party is a lot dirtier than this tame zoo shit, like the kind of thing that gives you AIDS and not by having sex with a monkey, but by having sex with lots of dirty girls while they are having sex with each other, like what you see in a porno but more realistic because I’d be in it and my small penis would never get cast in a real life porno, just the ones in my head….