Danielle Mason is some UK “Glamour Model”, a concept I don’t understand, but assume has to do with the UK having some pretty ugly grey skinned women married to really blue collar dudes with no tastes, because every single one of these UK “Glamour Models” looks like a fucking pig to me, especially when they are caked up in make-up and wearing cheap sexshop underwear like the stripper I wouldn’t bother getting a lap dance from…or in Danielle Mason’s case, carting around a cake and showing off their gunt like they’re in shape, while letting everyone know they have pretty much given up on their career as a “Glamour Model” but has taken up emotional eating since it makes everything okay, like those years of abuse and a failed career as a public whore, at least until she hits 400 pounds and dies of heart disease.

I know these are boring…but they go up anyway.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

I am guessing that Eva Longoria is either pregnant, or that she’s been eating a few too much Mexican food in her marriage, since she’s found what she’s lookin for and doesn’t have to starve herself anymore, you know, now she can finally like her Mexican genetics step the fuck in and turn her into a round-ball of a woman that all other Mexicans tend to grow into when they hit a certain age, usually after they’ve reproduced a few dozen times. I guess she figures since her husband is black, the fatter she is the better, but she’s forgetting one key thing and that that logic only works for white girls and not Mexican girls pretending to be white. Either way, she’s not wearing pants and a pants off party is a party for me…

Pics via Bauer

Kelly Brook’s out in a bikini and not that many other celebrities are, so I have no choice but to post her shit and I mean shit because there’s nothing I hate more than a sloppy soft lookin’ bitch. I don’t believe in the whole doughy body represents femininity, we don’t live in the late 1800s, where doughy meant she wasn’t a malnourished dying poor person who just ate her last potato, the kind of girl who wouldn’t die having your babies due to weakness, and big floppy tits aren’t enough to make me appreciate the shit, because with big tits comes big everything else and I am talking about her labia.

It seems like the world isn’t running out of doughy bitches, so those of you who like them should be happy. Just the other day I was waiting in line at a food court counter and this bitch cut the line in front of me because she claimed to be hypoglycemic and needed to eat before passing out, and proceeded to order a full sized pizza and a sugar-cured ham sandwich with extra mayo and no tomatoes or lettuce to get in the way of getting fatter. Not that has anything to do with Kelly Brook or her high waisted bikini bottoms designed to hide her gunt/muff gut/ ponch or whatever the fuck you call the bubble above the cunt or the fat in the upper pussy area.