I am pretty sure I’ve been to Vietnam. It was years ago and this guy I know’s mom died, left him 100 grand or something and he wanted to hit up Southeast Asia. His dad was a war vet and he chose Vietnam to go on a quest to find his dad’s war amputated foot. We didn’t have much luck finding his foot, but we did meet a lot of fucking whores, I’m talking tons of ladyboys that I didn’t fuck with and hundreds of regular girls in lady bars, where you’d walk buy and they’d jump you for BOOM BOOM or whatever the fuck they call sex while you drank 50 cent beer.

I just know that I was drunk the entire time and at one of the lady bars, I walked into the bathroom and the girls were hosing off their pussies with a hose attached to the toilet, and it was pretty fucking amazing.

We brought a couple of the whores with us to the beach and stayed at some resort and I probably should have never left, but instead here I am, with a fat wife who doesn’t satisfy my needs, no money, and no bikini clad whore coffee house. But they do have them in LA so fuck you Starbucks, the Vietnamese know customer service and this shit better fuckin’ turn into a franchise so I can get my coffee and a friend to talk to and stare at for 4 dollars.