Gisele and Tom Brady got married in Costa Rica and here they are on their way to the pharmacy to buy some topical creams and some prescription pills to stop the emotional pain the day after. Apparently when they went to consummate their relationship for the first time after the ceremony, because she’s a good little Catholic girl who would just use her mouth up until they marriage,Tom Brady freaked the fuck out when he discovered that she didn’t have a penis.

He hasn’t spent the last 15 years of his life hanging in showers, jerking off to dudes, to marry someone with a vagina. I guess based on her face, it’s one of those false advertising situations and he’s got every right to be pissed off….

When I see Britney Spears in Costa Rica, I think about how much the salt water must burn her pussy, but that burn probably goes away after the infection caused by leaving a tampon in for 3 months because she forgot it inside her clears up, leaving her vibrant and fresh smelling for a change and by vibrant and fresh smelling I mean fat but not too fat.

I am convinced that in 6 months from now, Britney is going to be fit and as hot as she used to be but a little more fun to fuck than she used to be because crazy girls are wild in bed and 18 year old popstars are too shy and insecure to show you a good time, making it feel like you are raping her everytime you fuck her, which is something she needs to go through to get to the point of crazy that makes her good in bed,

So don’t believe everything you read, those rumors that rape ruin people is just bad publicity for rape, because every girl I know who has unwillingly had sex with a man because she was drunk or asleep needed that to teach her what guys really want. Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about the kind of rape that leaves a girl passed out in a ditch or parking garage battered with a pair of bloody panties and turns her into a lesbian, I am talking about the good kind of rape that is more of an educational experience that happens on dates across america on a regular basis.

Either way, here’s Britney in Costa Rica, I wonder if she’s had a chance to play with the monkeys, you know dressing them up and pretending they are her babies that the law wrongfully took her away and left her broken down and a disaster that I want to bang, but I have no standards.

I got drunk last night and spent most of my time in the bathroom trying to pull off some kind of stand-up comedy routine that sucked. I’d say shit like “I’m Drunkenstepfather and I am the host of this bathroom experience, then I’d say a joke”. No one laughed. The probably thought I was some kind of queer trying to get a closer look at their cocks by distracting them with bad jokes while pissing next to them.

Speaking of queers, here’s a picture of Ashlee Simpson and her Gay in their bathing suits, I know that when they are behind closed doors, Pete’s the one rockin’ the bikini in this relationship, the one Ashlee’s in is probably his. Unfortunately, you’d probably find those pictures hotter than these pictures of Ashlee, but that’s just because you’re sexually confused.