So it turns out that all the making fun of Jessica Simpson on her quest to be country didn’t really pan out the way I thought it would or wanted it to. I am the kind of guy who likes other people’s failure, especially when the idea they are working on is retarded and I thought country folk would have my back on this shit and resent her and her Beverly Hills lifestyle for trying to step on their backwoods inbred toes, but for some reason shit was number one on the fuckin’ charts.

In all fairness to this “success”, number 3 on the chart was Various Artists -NOW That’s What I Call Country, and I also have a feeling her mainstream diehard fans are the ones buying the shit and not her country haters, and most importantly, no one buys CDs anymore, so I guess when you sell 10 records nationwide, it’s a big deal and gets you noticed, even when those 10 CDs were bought by your dad.

Either way, I still like her tits.

Jessica Simpson is still trying to be country and the whole thing is getting pretty fucking obvious, boring and desperate. Seeing her in some country farm girl dress that looks like it was made by her fashion forward mother who has an affinity for the big city fashions and who tries to stay on top of the trends by copying patterns out of dated fashion magazines and who dreams of a glamorous life that wasn’t of her in Paris, New York, Milan equipped with nothing more than whole lot of fabric and a sewing machine, but who is instead on the receiving end of her husbands abusive drunk weather hand from working the farm. Unfortunately, we all know this bitch is rich and famous and the furthest thing from country. Her stupid costume won’t fool us and either will her uneducated drawl and I predict the next step for her is bringing a cow on stage to milk and I an only keep my fingers crossed that the cow they cast is her sister, it would kill 2 birds with one stone, you know with the whole hick incest thing and all. Either way, I’d still fuck her and her joke of an attempt to re-invent herself. Just because a whore doesn’t charge you for a blowjob doesn’t mean she’s no longer a whore. It does however mean she’s a fuckin’ saint, if you know what I mean….

Here’s Jessica.

Jessica Simpson’s still out trying to be Dolly Parton and this time she did it wearing a corset as a shirt under some cowboy shit and that’s something I am down with because I like seeing girls in lingerie and the only chance I really have is when they use that shit as outerwear. It’s the kind of shit that leads to public masturbation and is a good defense to rape, because if she’s in her underwear it’s like she’s saying yes despite her cries asking you to stop.

I was walking outside earlier and came across a dude who looked like he thought he just got raped, he was screaming bloody murder, and begging for the pain to stop and everyone just kinda looked at him wondering what the fuck was going on for 10 minutes as he ran around in hysterics. No one had the balls to ask him what was going on and I didn’t care enough to get involved, but seeing a dude freak out that curl up in the fetal position at 10 am screaming and crying, isn’t really the kind of dude I want to grab a beer with. The cops finally showed up, because I guess one of the suits in the area didn’t feel comfortable with the whole thing and they took him away and I assume sent him to the psych ward but it made for an entertaining experience, one probably more exciting that a Jessica Simpson concert because it’s been proven time and time again that her hot tits just don’t make up for her shitty songs, but when shit’s in picture and we don’t have to deal with her offensive voice, I have no issue staring and you shouldn’t either.