Her name is Melanie Brown but she also goes by Scary Spice, Mel B and Melanie B, but I guess it doesn’t matter what she goes by when she’s rocking tits like this. I know she just had Eddie Murphey’s baby which is weird because I thought he banged trannies and trannies don’t have lady parts and can’t get pregnant but either way, she’s is all full of milk and cool enough to show them tits off. The group of mom’s that meet up at my local coffee shop dress like fucking homeless people in over-sized jogging outfits like they have given up on life. These bitches are tired, bored and probably hate each other, but only hang out because all their single friends are out having fun, or working. The closest thing to sexy that they do is lick the icing off the cake seductively reminding us all how they got pregnant and of what they are going to look like in 5 years.

Either way, bitch is prepping for Dancing with the Stars because she’s obviously starved for attention and trying to hold onto that little bit of fame she has and she’s doing it with her tits out because tits are one of the best ways to get attention.

Point of this post is to say that it’s nice to see the progress black women have made in society that to see a set of their tits we don’t have to hit up national geographic.

Bonus – Mel B’s Tits Leaving the Dance Studio

I’ve been telling people for a long time that this whole Britney Spears thing has been some kind of obscure PR act in efforts to stay in the limelight while getting her shit together before releasing her new album. I really thought that she was preparing to hit big again for a long time but had to get the pregnancy weight off and sort her shit out with her loser husband before really focusing on the comeback. I was convinced that in effort to sell records in future, she was going to play the wreck everyone wanted her to be, because it got her in magazines and on TV and on every fucking website out there.

I didn’t realize she really was a wreck. I think it’s safe to say, that I was fucking wrong. This bitch is a bigger mess than my wife’s panties, and you may not know how big of a mess that is, I think I’ll let you take my word on it. I thought she was going to come through the first place she probably the shouldn’t have been a mess because it was so anticipated. Maybe it is part of her plan and maybe I am wrong and maybe there is still hope but her skill is a fucking joke and I am no judge of dancing ability or lip syncing ability but I can tell you that she was lazy, seemed like she was jacked on some kind of drugs, bloated and reminded me of every fat chick I’ve ever banged, except the fat chicks always managed to make me cum in the end.

Watching a girls career go down the toilet has been pretty depressing, it’s like watching your favorite whore who loved licking your asshole contract HIV and everytime you’d get her discounted ass licking AIDS rate, you’d slowly see her fade away but on the positive side it probably makes her a lot more accessible because no one is going to want to touch her and that gives us all hope that one day we can knock her up like we were K-Fed, because disgusting or not, fucking her is a good business opportunity.

Either way, here are the pictures of her performance and if you don’t think this post is funny, realize it isn’t supposed to be, it’s my own kind of useless eulogy to a hot popstar that once was…..and despite fighting in her corner for the last little while, I have to accept the fact that she’s over…..the next time I want to watch some fat mom out of breath mouthing words, I’ll just stick to watching the mother/baby aquarobics class at my local Y through the back alley window until they call the cops on me again …because those mom’s at least have the decency to cover up their gunt….

Let’s hope the rest of the day brings more happiness, and in the meantime, enjoy the pics because she is half naked and in fishnets, and she’s laughing because even she realizes that this shit’s over and that it’s all some depressing joke that she’s just milking with her shitty retard-highschool talent show performance that was hot when she was 17 and not so much when she’s crazy…but I’d know you’d all still do her….and that’s the reason why I am here…to remind you that no matter how fucking wrecked bitch is, you’re still never going to taste the cheesy flavor dripping out of her twat. Cuddles.

I went to a bar the other night because I like getting drunk. I sat in the corner and drank my face off because the drinks were cheap and that’s what I do. ON the dancefloor there was a bitch who was doing the Paris Hilton. Now I don’t know if you guys know what the Paris Hilton is, but it’s a distinct fucking Bow-Legged stance dance that younger girls picked up by watching The Simple Life or visiting Perez Hilton. Anyway, this hot model lookin’ bitch is doing the Paris Hilton and to her right was this scraggly bitch with extensions falling out of her hair, a leopard print bra was hangin out of her shirt and short shorts jacked up her ass. So you have this tall thin hot model doing the Paris Hilton and her little ratty friend trying to get attention to make-up for her obvious shortcomings by rubbing her cunt up against the speaker and there I am thinking that I just experienced the very local Simple Life with girls I’d rather fuck. Reality is that the model will probably develop a drug addiction and her only gigs will be at the local supermarket handing out tampon samples and the rat will end up knocked up with some black baby who she doesn’t know who the father is, but these bitches will still be less useless to the world than the real Simple Lie. I would have bought them a drink to celebrate but figured why bother, I’d rather use my limited budget on myself, drink special or not and they don’t need drinks they were already jacked on Meth….

Here are some pictures of Paris and her useless sister dancing up at some club in some place recently….

I was watching some dude dancing in the street with his girl the other night when I was walking by. I thought it was a little embarrassing or weird to ask your girl for a dance when there was no music and a lot of pedestrian traffic. It was like they didn’t give a fuck about us and their overly happy world was one giant fucking dance floor, letting us all how much better their lives are than ours and not letting us forget that the whole world isn’t our dance floor, we have places to go that we don’t want to go and we’re not prancing our way there and we have people we have to go with who can barely fucking get out of bed, let alone dance. It was kinda like a skinny kid sitting on a bench outside the gym eating box of donuts next to a fat guy who just walked out of the gym because he doesn’t want a heart attack and is trying to make the right choices in life.

Either way, I don’t even know how to dance and if I did, I’d save it for broadway and international dancing success, maybe a role in Stomp the Yard 3 or Dirty Dancing – Gutter Slut Nights. I wouldn’t waste my talent on the street.

This is a video of some dude dancing on the street in NYC, he’s not the same guy I saw because I live in Montreal, but he’s fucking awesome and his dance doesn’t piss me off in a “I’m so in love” kinda way, it screams I do shit alone and I don’t give a fuck, that’s why I wear me some Jazzy Pants.

This shit reminds me of voyeur porn. The kind that is usually staged but you like to think it isn’t, of girls taking showers or getting changed. I am not talking the voyeur porn where creeps go out with their cameras and try to sneak upskirts and shit because that kinda stuff is a little too stalker for me. I am more into stalking useless celebrities that everyone seems to care about, because at least they are getting paid to entertain me and aren’t some innocent girls walking up the stairs at the mall for people like you to snap shots of. I have morals….

Either way, this through the door Longoria dancing shit makes me laugh because there was a time that all I would look up was this kind of shit. Normally it would end with her giving the dude a blowjob or some shit, but bitch has an image to keep up or something.

These are some shitty cellphone pics of Britney Spears lip syncing in Vegas as part of her attempt at a comeback, the show may have been a rip off and she may be insane now, but she’s still Britney Spears and at least she’s showing off her ass to distract us all from how lame this attempt to climb out of the gutter and back to the top of her game is.

I am costantly attacked by feminists, telling me how what I do is comparable to racism and that I am leading a horrible example to the 20 people who read the site, and I guess saying that at least Britney is showing us her ass fall into that category of objectifying women.

Reality is, I am not the motherfucker on stage showing the world my fucking ass, and if I was, I’d expect someone to comment on how fat it is. I have spent a lifetime trying to seduce girls and not being rich enough, or goodlooking enough, forcing me to end up with someone no one wanted, not even me, but the comfort of having someone there to care was enough for me to do it. You don’t see me sitting here hating on all the hot chicks for not wanting me, or thinking I was scum, in all reality, I am here begging for them to send me nudes.

So, what it all comes down to, is that I just want to have a good time, maybe have a few laughs, and talk a whole lot of shit about nothing important. If you are one to take my words for gospel and either take it home with you to throw at your own fat wife that you settled with, or who got fat after she hooked you in and was too tired to keep herself pretty, or if you are sitting there getting offended by what I have to say, all you have to do is click on the back button in your browser and leave your rants to your fucking self, because people that are that uptight, are people I don’t want to invite to my birthday party or to my comeback show at a shitty small venue….and if you motherfuckers decide to show up with camera phone pics, and decide to write slandering remarks about me, I am not going to cry about it and write a thesis for my gender studies class on how hard people are on me for having a cock.

I know that a girl in her underwear is enough to make you happy. I know that you’re one of those guys at the strip club who sits by the stage clapping and urging the bitches on. It’s people like you that fuck it up for the rest of us, because it gives them a false sense of worth, making them feel pretty and wanted and putting them on a some kind of ego trip, making them forget they are whores.

So these pictures of Brooke Hogan make you happy, because a girl in underwear is better than a girl in clothes especially on the internet.

When I look at these pictures, I just remember a fat girl trying to get skinny to have a career, and when she reached her ideal weight, she decided to get naked, in hopes of getting assholes like you, who are easy to fucking please at her show.

I am not saying I wouldn’t stuff her like a turkey if I had the chance, I am just saying that bitch has no business doing whatever it is that she does, and being Hulk Hogan’s shadow, is probably not a place anyone should be, because he’s a piece of Florida trash with big biceps, stupid hair and crazy pants….and she may not be wearing crazy pants, but bitch could probably beat the fuck out of me with legs like that. Ya’ Heard?

I forgot where I was going with this, because I am drunk, but I do hate people who cheer on strippers, because it makes getting a lap dance next to impossible….Cuddles….

I was away the last 3 days. I went to ski country with my stepdaughters. Their hot little school friends have a condo up on the ski hill and I guess we were invited out of pity, or whatever it’s called when middle class people who own a car and a condo and a house in the suburbs invite a useless unemployed mexican to their ski lodge. Point of this story is to say that I hit up the only bar at the bottom of the mountain when everyone was in bed and I realized how pathetic I am. The bar was filled with people who couldn’t dance. That got me to thinking, I should record these ppl dancing, so I order a couple of shots of JD, run back to the condo I’m staying at, steal their camera and this is what I got. I also landed some nasty fucking cold/flu and I am lying in bed sweating as I write this, and it’s not because my fat wife doubles as a fucking furnace.

Ignore the horrible quality and bad editing. I am Jesus Martinez, bitches, low quality is what I do.

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