This has got to be some kind of joke. I mean sure I’d marry Mischa Barton because I know she’s going to die soon, or at least that she’d be easy to manipulate into doing things for me, like buying me stuff and getting me into open-bar events, but I’m not really that picky when it comes to wifes, I just need to make sure the rent will be paid so that I don’t have to work, and whether they are fat, dirty and smell like they are rotten partially because they don’t believe in wiping their asses after taking sloppy malnourished shits, but also because they forgot a tampon inside them 6 months ago and haven’t been alert enough to realize it, I’m not complaining….but if I was a marketing person at a briday store, this would be the first person I would ask to “step away from the dress”, I mean other than Jessica Simpson, but that’s only because Jessica Simpson is fucking desperate…and could end up in some crazed rage, where as Mischa Barton just stains the shit and makes it unsellable, which is less dangerous..not that you care….or that I care…I mean seeing a bitch living out the fairy tale wedding she may never have thanks to impending death is nice…I mean maybe she’s out shopping for the dress she wants to be buried in, for when she marries God in heaven or something, who fucking knows….I just know she looks horrible…but maybe zombie brides get you off….and I’m just gonna post this, and ignore the fact that I posted this, cuz even I don’t understand why I did this…but I did it…
I am not in the mood to hate on Lohan anymore, sure she caused some headaches for me when she found out I was internet friends with Sam Ronson, who is no longer my internet friend because Lohan stepped in and put a stop to that. Sure, I had some outrageous text message fights with her over the 6 months that this went down, because she was kinda crazy, and sure the last time I went to see Ronson play, I was escorted out of the club within a minute of being there, even though no one knows I write the site, but was told that I am not welcome there, and it had nothing to do with my urine soaked elastic waist band pants.
But now that all that anger and drama is over, life is more boring, I have no one to have fake internet fights with, I have no celebrities to make me feel validated, like my mean spirited shit actually gets noticed, so as Lohan and Ronson lost interest in tolerating me, I lost that stamp of approval that made me feel like the site wasn’t a stagnant piece of shit.
This is going to be my last Lohan Deathwatch post, because it’s played out, boring and a waste of fuckin’ time. She’s not dying, she’s just skinny, and I like skinny girls, so the last thing I should be doing is encouraging weightgain.
Lindsay Lohan’s Deathwatch continues…she’s still alive and trying to pack on the pounds by switching up her diet from being a diet coke, cigarette gum, vodka redbull, cocaine diet, to a regular coke, cigarette gum, vodka redbull, cocaine diet. That’s an extra 200 calories a day, so she’s probably not going to bottom out just yet, but you can’t live long off cafeine and other substances, so our day will come. Let’s just hope that this bitch never meets Kelly Clarkson, because that Kelly Clarkson diet plan despite may save Lohan’s life and we don’t want any of that happening….
Here are some really fucking exciting pictures of Lohan and Ronson leaving Ronson’s house to the Filipinos/Mexicans to clean up their lesbian drug addict mess.
Bonus Here’s Some Lohan Slutty Conspiracy of the Day
I got this email. I thought it was funny….
CONSPIRACY THEORY: Where Lindsay Lohan Really Got the Name For Her New Self-Tanner
As many of you probably already know, Lindsay Lohan has her own brand of leggings called “6126 Leggings” and apparently the line has been so successful that she is expanding her line to include another product she loves to wear, self-tanner. I always thought 6126 was a stupid name for a brand and the name of her self-tanning mist is just as dumb, it’s called Sevin Nyne. Noticing that Sevin Nyne, is an obvious play on the numbers 7 and 9, I thought to myself, self, maybe 6126 is also a play on numbers? It only took a quick second to notice that 1+2+6=9, throw the 6 in front of the 126 and bam you got 69!
I guess Lindsay loves the position so much she named her leggings after it which isn’t that much of a stretch considering her current relationship status. I bet she thought she was so smart disguising it the way she did.
Further, in regards to her new product, according to http://www.urbandictionary.com, the 79 is simply an enhanced version of the 69. If she loves the 69 enough to name her leggings after it, then I’m sure she also enjoys the enhanced version enough to name her self-tanner after it! This time around she tried to hide it by craftily spelling the words in an unconventional fashion but alas, my mind is as dirty as hers and I discovered this little conspiracy theory which I’m sharing here with the world.
Clever clever…someone call that guy from A Beautiful Mind…or the military…I think we’ve got a code cracker on our hands…someone who can help take down Korea!
