Here is a picture of Heidi Klum’s ass to remind those of you who have wives or baby mommas who got fat after the pregnancy and blamed the pregnancy that your woman is full of shit and just fucking lazy.

Realize that she’s been waiting for an excuse to sit around and eat all day for her entire life and knew that once she locked a dude down and got knocked up she could finally stop ordering the fucking salads and starving herself and eat the extra cheese pizza, fries and everything else she’s been depriving herself in trying to stay desirable enough to lock a sucker down.

Seriously, Heidi Klum has a great fucking ass, she’s middle aged and has an army of half African kids with Seal, a black man who would still love her if she was 250 lbs, and she manages to look like this. It is amazing and a reminder that everyday girls suck.

Pics via Bauer

I bet Tom Cruise didn’t get a boner having a girl rub up so closely to him. if anything it was fucking up with how good the vibrations of the bike felt up against his balls while he was thinking about all those late night bareback riding sessions he used to have wearing his leather chaps with all his gay biker riding buddies….

Pics via Fame

Here are some pictures of Rod Stewart’s mistake who moved to Hollywood to live off her ridiculous trust fund like she was a celebrity of her own. Trying to do the whole Paris Hilton thing she was doing a decade ago, but for some reason shit just never worked out for her. She never got picked up, she never got work, she never got a fanbase, she was just some bitch going in an out of clubs and the whole thing left her just lookin’ old and washed up, wishing she had more of a relationship with her dad, other than just access to his money that he gives her to keep her the fuck away from his new life because he’s too busy masking his sexuality by spending all his free time with his fifth manly blonde model wife and his four younger, less fucked up kids who he actually has some confidence in since he’s learned where he went wrong in making this Kim Stewart and her ass in demin his trial run that fucked up along the way…..

Pics via Fame

These are some pictures of Rachel Bilson doing some Anna Nicole Smith high class escorting that they pretend is love for the public because it turns out people are pretty judgmental when it comes to unconventional relationships. No one ever thinks that maybe bitch just has grandfather issues because he was never there for her growing up, he was too busy dying before she was born and this is her time to fill that empty void. Instead they just look at his bank account and figure that she’s just on a higher salary then at the strip club they met in and is just doing it for the money and not the hot arthritic sex they have. I can only assume people are just jealous because they never found a love so pure.

That said, Rachel Bilson is up on the same game, only she’s actually doing it with her real life grandfather and who are we to criticize. Sure the media, our western morals and scientific evidence say that it breeds retards and tells us that incest is wrong, but does that factor in her happiness from finding true love. I wanna know what love is and I want you to show me.

I have decided that today I am a fan of Hilary Duff. Not because she’s hot, but because she’s not fat and broken down like my wife and that shit is refreshing to me.

It’s kinda funny what happens to a man when you’ve been with someone who makes you sick to your stomach for about 5 years, and that is that the girls I once found hideous are slowly getting more and more attractive.

It’s like when I was in High School and I wouldn’t fuck the decent looking chick because she had one eyebrow and took too much work to convince to take my dick and my albino neighbor was easy and all about my dick because dude’s were usually scared shitless of her red eyes…but the point is that as an older dude, I find myself lookin’ at average lookin’ 18 year olds who I would have never fucked when I was 18, but now bring dirty thoughts in mind, because the fact that they are 18 outweighs the fact that they looks like they belong on a farm.

So Hilary and her horse face may not be the most amazing thing to look at, but I wouldn’t mind riding her down the beach and into the sunset like on a club med commercial but that’s just because late at night, I like to pretend I’m a cowboy and I feel like she’d be able to contribute to that fantasy by playing both the whore in the Saloon and the Horse I rode in on, she really is a triple threat.