I couldn’t start today off without something holy to me and that was a rub and tug massage. I got it with my birthday money from some hot young Asian who jerks off dick better than I can or really better than anyone I’ve ever met can, maybe because in the 19 years of her life, she’s been bred to be this master of the dick, you know trained by generations of family secret moves, you know starting off on a banana at the age of 5, when her mother and grandmother who own the place felt she was ready to take it on.

I figure that religion is a whole lot of horseshit and this video of some crazy Catholic image, like people getting crucified to let Jesus know they care, that he is their savior, that he died for their sins. Sure, my name is Jesus, but that doesn’t mean I’m into this shit, give me some cocktails and some tail that does cock and I’ll get down and prey, if by prey she means cum all over her little asian ass for an extra 5 dollars. Word.

Miley Cyrus goes to church on Easter and these are the pictures. I am not sure if the blonde chick is her mom, but I remember seeing her mom in an interview once and it made me want to see the Billy Ray sex tape…but the truth is that I’ve always wanted to see a Billy Ray sex tape. That Achy Breaky Heart tune really spoke to me and I feel the only way I can appreciate it is if I see him hate fuckin’ a bitch after she tells his Achy Breaky heart and it turns out that Billy Ray was right and it just doesn’t understand and does blow up and kill a man…all over her face….right before she wiped it off and put it in a jar in her fridge in the event her aspiring country singin’ lover ever accidentally hit big and that is the story of how Miley came about…

Either way, I wonder what god is going to think of this good little Disney Christian when he finds out that Miley found a loophole and let’s dudes fuck her up the ass because that way she can still technically keep her virginity until marriage since that’s what the church wants out of her. I am sure he’ll be a lot less disappointed that when she realizes that church is a lot less fun than fucking, doing coke and being a total cunt to the world while spending absurd amounts of money on useless shit while the rest of God’s people are dying of starvation.