When I was in elementary school, the only pussy I remember was one of the girls in my class asking me to watch her pee in the woods behind the school, and then there was lookin onto the stripclub beside the school that eventually burnt down, but before it did, we’d spend our lunch hours watching the strippers on smoke breaks in the parking lot, then there was the mother of one of the kids who was a total fucking whore, who doubled as our lunch monitor and wore all tight denim and leather in fuck me boots, with ridiculous bleached hair extensions before the world even knew what hair extensions were, and there was that one teacher who took an interest in the less fortunate male kids who taught us about sex using his ass as the vagina, but that’s not really where I wanted to go with this story, I wanted to say that no kid had a mom who looked like Elle Macpherson in these pics come pick them up, and if they did, I would have befriended them, provided they didn’t mind having a weird immigrant who spoke broken english as a friend, so that I could sneak in the mom’s room and play with her panties, I mean when I wasn’t getting molested by my teacher.

Pics via Bauer