I don’t watch Mad Men, but apparently it is a big deal…but probably not as big of a deal as Christina Hendricks’ tits because they are the only reason I know the show…which I guess brings up the question of why it took her until the age of 34 to break out, because locigally she has had her tits since she was 18, and her tits are the only reason people care about her, but that question is far too deep for the intelligence of my one reader, so I’ll just keep wondering it for myself, you’ve let me down again….

Esquire got a hoit model in her underwear and I didn’t…so here’s their video and not my video because the only person I seem capable getting in their underwear is me and if that is a struggle and probably doesn’t smell or look this good……

This bitch has gone a long way from being born in a halfway house to a criminal mother, to starring in Fetish sex tapes to starring on a hit show about rich kids and now gracing the cover of Esquire magazine….I guess she gives us all hope that despite or past, or the fact that we were brought into this world as trash, we can still pull ourselves out of that and wear our underwear on magazine covers instead of having them bunched up in the corner of the stage we strip on, the hotel room floor we get paid to fuck in, or the movie set we just let guys jerk off on our feet on…..oh wait…Leighton Meester was the whore in training who defied all odds, Blake Lively is the other one, I guess I’m not too good at this blogging shit, who cares they are both the fucking same, here she is lookin Greasy as fuck in Esquire….

The bitch in this Esquire photoshoot is showing nipple and ass because Esquire is doing its best to stay relevant now that every single dude uses the internet because of the heavy amount of porn available and don’t need to buy shitty magazines with semi-erotic photo spreads of bitches who will never fuck us to jerk off to because we are too shy to buy real porn magazines as that shit is for virgin weirdos who like cumming on glossy paper, makin Esquire struggle with their finances and slowly go broke, only to drop some nipple to push the boundaries a little and stay edgy. I hear next month they are planning to go all the way and show both tits like the bunch of faggots they are.

That said her name is Marie-Louise Parker and she’s in the show Weeds, something I’ve never seen before but can relate to because if I don’t change my underwear, I’ll have weeds growing into my fuckin’ ass. Yes, my hygiene is that bad. Sure that was a lame joke, but I’m still drunk and riding off a couple hours of sleep, so get over it.

This is a hot fucking video of megan fox in her underwear, rolling around in her bed. Drinking beer in a bathing suit and I really don’t have to say anything more than that. It is pretty fucking amazing stuff and I’m wating anxiously for her to start dating Lohan instead of that dude from 90210. Get back to work you fucking slackers.

I was on this Celebration kick all day and I have to balance it out with these pictures of Katy Perry, because even with her tits, there’s nothing worth celebrating. She doesn’t deserve to be famous and tits aren’t enough to get you famous and I like to think that either is sucking dick to the top, but I’m sure I’m wrong about that one, since Katy Perry has a career…oh right…she has a career cuz she kissed a girl, I guess that’s not really the same thing. Check out her tits, they may be celebrating something, but she’s makin it hard for me to join in on the festivities…

I was walking down a street yesterday and came across a store going out of business with a sign indicating that everything was on sale. It was some kind of antique store that I would normally not notice, but it happened to have a giant Jesus statue in the window and I thought it was a sign from god, so I walked inside. The place was like a magical garage sale, filled with random crap and I asked the guy how much the Jesus statue was and he turned to me and said that it wasn’t for sale, I decided to look through the rest of his shit, because I had nothing better to do and figured since I was already in there, I might as well and that’s when I overheard another browsing shopper ask how much a lamp was and dude said that it wasn’t for sale, so I started flipping the products over to see the prices and everything was 1,000 dollars, even a jar full of marbles and I realized that this motherfucker didn’t want to sell anything, he was just a creepy collector and I was in serious need of some hand sanitizer, because creepy collectors masturbate a lot and I could only assume, he used his random junk instead of his hand because he loved it so much and would never let it leave his side….

I think the editors at Esquire who have just named Halle Berry the Sexiest Woman Alive have the same psychiatric disorder as my friend the antique dealer because it seems like they just can’t figure out how to move the fuck on. Sure she’s hot, but she’s old and a mom and it’s time to bring some new blood to the bed sheets by devirginizing some prime pussy, not pussy that’s already seen it’s fair share of babies and cock, but I guess that’s all a matter of opinion….and mine, as I’ve discovered over the years, is pretty much worthless.

Jessica Simpson is in Esquire and I am not down with the way she’s aging, not sure why but I feel like everyday she looks more and more like a dude. The good news is that she’s got some tits and those tits have hard nipples and I guess that compensates for her pro-athlete lookin’ face.

I was watching some Carson Daly shit last night at a girl I met at Starbucks’ house and Perez Hilton was on talking about how he was making out with John Mayer while Jessica was rubbing Mayer’s crotch. Now I don’t care for Perez or his gay stories with singer/song writing homos who aren’t out of the closet with their homosexuality, but the fact that he’s doing gay shit isn’t a testament to how shitty Jessica is in bed, it’s just proof that bitch looks enough like a dude to attract dudes who are on the fence with their sexuality. She’s the kind of girl down with male-male-female threesomes for her sexually confused boyfriend and that makes her someone you’d probably like to get to know because your theory is that as long as there’s a chick in the room with you and another naked erect man, you’re in the clear and don’t have to come out to your family.

More proof that bitch attracts closet cases is that she’s dating a football quarterback. Football may be the most abusive sport out there with men tackling men in spandex who all go to the locker room to shower together when the games over, but it sounds a whole lot like a gay porno storyline to me and if you were a closet cased homo in highschool, you’d probably be more drawn to that extra curricular activity than starting a band to lure all the slutty girls into your basement with….

I guess my theories don’t matter, just look at the pics.