After the last 4 hours staring at this picture of Jessica Simpson, I am pretty sure I see a wet spot in her crotch. I’m lying. I don’t think anyone has spent more than a few minutes staring at her crotch in the last 5 years, which is a huge part of why her jeans are so huge, another huge part of why she is so huge is that no one wants to marry her and knock her up, so she figures she’ll do it herself with cake, all while her younger sister is living a substantially better and more successful life than her, as she accompanies her dad, the only man who will love her unconditionally and the only man who can make her cum in under 7 minutes, because they’ve worked out a system after all these years of working together. He made this pussy and he knows it like the back of his fucking hand….mainly because he uses it as a glove at least twice a day.
I don’t know what I am talking about…I just like watching the fall of Jessica Simpson, only because I always like seeing fat chicks fall, as their struggle to get back up is always funny.
Jessica Simpson is my favorite emotional eater who was once relevant. The reason she is my favorite is because how broken she is and how we know it because it shines through in her dress size. Whether it’s gotta do with the fact that her cunt, useless sister everyone hated who was in her fucking shadow all these years has made a huge fucking comeback in her career from being on 90210 to getting a gig in the play version of Chicago, making her more successful than Jessica Simpson, but more importantly she is also happily married to a bisexual guy who doesn’t fuck her except to make babies that she is the proud parent of, while Jessica Simpson just eats and eats and eats cuz no one loves her and all her men leave her and even her dog committed suicide by getting eaten by a coyote to not deal with her heavy petting and her stupidity, cuz we all saw the reality show back when she was famous, and we all know she’s annoying as shit…
I figure in 20 more pounds, she’d be so low she’d be willing to bang one of us, so let’s start sending her baked goods, cuz we all know she’ll eat them as she cries….
Here she is dressed like a disco ball because I guess when you’re shaped like a ball, you might as well dress up like the most glamorous ball around…but what the fuck do I know…
I hear that Mariah is trying to get pregnant so that people don’t ask why her gut is so big and she figures that in another 20 years, she’ll be able to use her kid to meet new potential husbands (yes that was a bad cougar joke, it happens), unfortunately her menopausal pussy is makin’ it hard for this grandma’ that woulda been if she followed her destiny as being a half black chick from the projects, instead of getting all into herself thinking she can have a career singing 20 years ago, to get knocked up, so she’ll just have to keep showing up to events in bigger and bigger belts to cover her fuckin’ shit up and strap it fucking in.
I guess the pressure of being skinny has got to Gemma Ward and by Gemma Ward I mean her shoes cuz this model’s gone fat and the weight is probably pretty fucking abusive to her shoes and I guess to her career because she was a top model just a few months ago, and now he boyfriend probably doesn’t want to let her get on top for fear of getting choked the fuck out. Seriously, I don’t get how one eating disorder of starving herself went to the other eating disorder of trying to kill yourself with cake, but it did and I guess this is just another example of another one biting the dust, you know a bitch like my wife who led me to believe wasn’t a fat chick disguised as a skinny chick and I guess we should all point and laugh, but I’d watch out cuz she’s probably pretty sensitive about this shit, you know it is probably a soft spot, cuz she won’t be able to pull in the huge money she made herself and her management and they are probably pretty fucking mad about it. So here’s to hoping we will get to run into her working the cash at Wal Mart when all her money dries up. These are very exciting times…
Mariah Carey went out wearing some one-piece bullshit that no fat girl should ever be wearing unless it is to mock herself or humiliate herself in hopes the emotional trauma will lead her to a better place and re-think that late night box of cookies or some shit, you know so everytime a piece of cake is dropped in front of her, memories of the day she walked out in public with her gunt exposed comes flashing back making her put the fuckin’ fork down.
So I can only assume, Mariah Carey did this for that reason, you know as some new age weight loss program and not because she’s delusional from all the anti-depressant meds and a younger dude who always had a crush on her deciding to marry her as part of his comedy acts has some ill affects when it comes to giving her more confidence than she deserves, but to rock this takes more than just confidence, this is on some clinically insane shit.
Unfortunately, as a motherfucker with no standards, I have pretty much no real problem with this, cuz when a piece of clothing touches pussy, ass and tits at the same time, it’s got pure skill and is something I bow down to with respect. For real.
Here are the miserable pics…
It turns out that this is for her new music video and we all know that bitch has the 50 pound weight loss in post production clause in her contract so at least we won’t have to relive these pictures, we’ll just get won over by movie magic and I’m okay with that as long as it means I can avoid seeing this shit…..That said here are a bunch more pictures that just came out because I’m not about to post another post on this shit, if anything I wish I didn’t even have to write one…..
Khloe Kardashian has a tattoo on her ass that reads “Daddy” because he is the only man who could legitimately say he loved her. Every other man was either disgusted by the fact that bitch is so bulky and masculine, like some kind of monster of a woman who no one should ever see naked, not even when drunk and too horny to contain their erection because when up against her fat ass and big hands, your otherwise average sized dick looks mini, or black and into fat half white girl ethnic booty and can’t help but want to see it bounce on their dicks, since they are the only dicks capable of this kind of endeavor. I think it’s got something to do with their African roots, because 10 generations of being westernized can’t reprogram a deeply embedded love for elephants in a motherfucker, but I could be wrong….
The BIG news today is that Kim Kardashian is squeezed her fat ass into a tight dress for her birthday that is pretty much advertising hat she’s no longer a spring chicken and is just one year away from 30, not that anyone could think of her as a spring chicken, since we are all tainted by the screenshots her getting fucked by some black dude in video…..and when a girl fucks a black dude in video, you know she’s been thru a whole lot of other dudes first.
This wasn’t a losing my viriginity lets document the shit for future references and memories so I can show my kid, it was the type of situation where she let a motherfucker piss on her and I don’t know about you, but most girls need to be pretty well practiced in the pussy to let a motherfucker piss on them and the sex tape was more a “let’s generate some buzz, make some money, follow Paris’ lead and do all that shit because I have no shame and I am a whore” and everyone knows pornstars start out sluts before doing porn…
Either way, she’s a fat slob of a woman with a dirty cunt who is too old to jerk off to but some of you like her, so here are the pics.
Here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian running, or jogging and I’m pretty sure that this isn’t her working out and that shit isn’t for a long distance or long period of time, because based on her body it’s pretty safe to say that it is probably her running from her car to the ice cream shop around closing time so she can feed her fix. One of the biggest jokes about this bitch is that she had a work-out DVD, that guys everywhere thought she was fit and jerked off to her obesity. The other biggest joke about this bitch is that she has a career in entertainment.
I wonder if this dude ever expected to be dating a teenage popster after her teenage popstar status slowly started to fade and her designer jeans started to get bigger and bigger back when he was just a Canadian kid digging quarters out of his pedophile coach’s asshole in some kind of game he was told would better his chances of going pro, or some shit that I don’t have concrete proof about, but know from people who did do sports that a whole lot of homo shit goes down from the coaches to the teamates in the shower and in private meetings and the bond a team has means never letting that information out.
I guess the good news is that with weight gain comes fatter tits, which is probably more fun for her boyfriend to overcompensate and mask his homosexual fantasies with.
Brittny Gastineau is a girl who I used to make fun of on TWITTER, I’d call her fat and a pig and all that shit cuz she would hide her dumpy body in expensive dresses that complimented her body by pushing out her fat chick tits in a way that her dumpy ass stomach was barely noticable and she would write back here and there calling me an asshole and now seeing her in her sweatpants makes me believe that she’s finally come to terms with her shit and accepted that she is fat and that the biggest achievement of her life was being featured in that Bruno movie, I mean other than the time her and her BFF Kim Kardashian polished off an all you can eat buffet cuz they are disgusting cunts. Here she is out on her period, or just being the lazy slob that got her in this mess in the first place and here are the pics for my black readers who like their pussy thick and who I blame for making these bitches think they got it going on…
I think it’s time for Carmen Electra to throw that stipperobics DVD she hosted back in and start practicing what she learned cuz she’s lookin’ fat. Maybe she’s getting ready for a role as a fat chick, but I don’t think Carmen Electra ever got work for any reason other than her hot body….
I guess it is normal that with age comes sagging and weight gain and as much as I liked Carmen Electra and her fake tits, that Iam sure she’s glad she has now that her body has started to turn thick and rectangular, and they keep things a little top heavy and curvy like some kind of optical illusion, like most post-menopausal women and that I am sure she was glad she had when she was younger because they are a hug part of her fucking career, but that I am not glad she has because I hate fake tits, not that my opinion really matters to this whore, so I don’t know why I’m bothering writing it out, I should just say appreciate this bitch while you can, because like a roller coaster ride, the fun always comes to an end and I have a feeling these pics are the last fuckin’ stretch and I’m just amazed that with a body like this, she hasn’t had a few kids fuck her shit up, instead she only has her and her laziness to blame….
Aubrey O’Day is posting pics from her Paper Mag cover shoot that I guess she’s currently at on twitter. I found it weird that she’s lookin’ like she’s black. Now I love black chicks, I just don’t like white chicks who pretend to be black chicks. They are tacky pieces of trash who deserve to be stomped out by black girls for stealing their men, since black dudes love all things white….
I guess she’s realized the color of her target market’ so she’s gone out and got her ass fatter than ever, she’s got her skin darker than ever, and I guess that’s the magic formula to become the white chick every black dude wants to fuck, but up until now, I thought just having a vagina was all you needed.
I guess the real unfortunate thing in all this is being called Beyonce, because Beyonce is disgusting and that’s a dis worse than unexpected sodomy in a back alley….
It’s a pretty bad sign when you have breast implants and shit looks like its sagging, it means you’ve been emotionally eating a little too much since the second love of your life’s dick got burnt off in a plane crash and you haven’t been able to fuck in months, I mean I guess that’s what’s going on here, or maybe she’s just fat because that’s what happens when Playboy and Reality TV doesn’t want you anymore, and who really cares, I know I don’t.
Be sure to take your fat ass outside in your bathing suit and get your meat on your fuckin’ grill, because that’s what Kim Kardashian wants you to do. She wants tyou to not feel insecure about your fat ass or sloppy stomach from being a lazy piece of shit with a workout DVD and she just wants you to enjoy all the food you’ll soon be eating…. I am going thru alochol withdrawal and it hurts me both physically and emotionally so try to walk it out with me…unless you’re too lazy to walk…in which case just wait for me to come back…..eventually…
Nothing says “I’m a fat chick who hates my body” like going to the waterpark in a pair of shorts and a T-Shirt. I don’t really know what the fuck Beyonce is doin’ in the water with all her clothes on, but I know the story didn’t end the way I wanted it to and she didn’t get eaten by a shark, I guess she wasn’t on her period.
I am hungover again. Not sure why I do this to myself, but I always seem to manage to.
