I wonder if Jessica Simpson maintains her pussy hair as well as she maintains her jacket. I figure as a recently fat chick, that means she’s going through some kind of depression, pretty much giving up on herself, partially because her sister is doing so well after living in her shadow for so long, partially because her career has gone to shit, partially because she can’t land a stable boyfriend to marry her and knock her up and partially because her dad’s insisted on using condoms now when he fucks her for fear that she hasn’t been taking her pill and knowing that she won’t buy the abortion line again cuz she is dying to be a mom and he can’t have that flipper baby be proof of where he dips his dick into what is his because he made it, but what society won’t allow him to use the way he wants to, even though he made it.

And…here’s a video of her fucking a candle with her ear, because she is an idiot and thinks it cleans our ear wax, which is disgusting, but also BULLSHIT and she’s doing it for a gay. It was posted on Twitter 2 days / 400,000 views ago…..in case you haven’t seen it….

Pics via Bauer

I hate you anti-fur, animal loving queers.

There is no fabric quite as luxurious as a rodent’s pelt. There is nothing that helps fight the elements and keep you warm like nature’s own, so that’s why I have set up traps around my neighborhood hoping to catch some coons, stray cats, rats and any other unwanted animal. I figure I’ll be doing a service to the community by getting rid of these headaches that piss and shit and eat their garbage and nest in their basements, while getting myself some warmth, style and class, like I was a native or a rich person. I just haven’t figured out how to kill the, clean them, skin them and sew them together, but I’ll be sure to videotape the whole process and sent it to the cunts at PETA.

Here’s some Ivana Trump keeping it classy while looking like a face-lifted monster. She’s a got a typical story, you know a bottom feeding ski instructor from some communist country who married rich Trump and is now set for fucking life after the divorce, making her the best paid mail order bride prostitute in history…..but by the looks of her, I have a feeling she’s the one paying for the sex these days…