It was the British Music Awards last night and Girls Aloud were the opening act. I know, why would you care about the British Music Awards, you don’t live there so it doesn’t affect you, not to mention award shows are a total waste of fucking time and are more of a jerk off fest where people who already have massive egos get pinned up against each other for one to walk away the super ego, meanwhile every person in the room has already won the fucking lottery, but at least every now and then, bands I hate like Nickelback aren’t in the spotlight, and a group of slut Spice Girl impersonators who somehow avoided a career of stripping take center fucking stage and there’s nothing wrong with that, I mean other than how bad their music is, but who cares about the music when they’ve got tits. Right?

Here is member Sarah Harding’s Friend and by friend I mean assistant she probably shits on daily, Taking a Dive…..because it is funny and something These Drunk Sluts are Used To

I said that Girls Aloud are useless and that no one gives a fuck about them, but after seeing this pictures I realized that I jumped the gun and didn’t realize that their performance is one that can be jerked off to.

Girls Aloud probably have one of the worst stripping acts out there, mainly because they don’t actually get naked and because they do it to the shittiest songs but the one thing they have going for them is Cheryl Tweedy Cole, who despite having the shittiest prison tattoos , she’s got it going on.

Someone told me to stay positive today, just not HIV positive because I am struggling with a horrible hangover from going to a bar that had a 50 dollar minimum for credit cards and my asshole friend only had a stolen credit card to fund our night so after the 2 beers for 2 dollars special, we each drank about 40 beers and I feel kinda dirty today, it’s not unlike other days because I always feel dirty but it’s also a Friday before a long weekend and I can only assume no one is reading this site, which is also not unlike other days, because no one every reads this site, so I guess I am just being a bitch.

Speaking of bitch, here’s my favorite UK performer performing.

I always feel like a virgin loser whenever I post pictures of some celebrity panty shot. It reminds me of some desperate loser sitting at home waiting for the bitch he obsesses about to slip up to give him more material to masturbate to because he’s pretty much exhausted all other material that’s come out of her. I tell myself that I do it for you fuckers because I think you’re that kind of guy, but reality is that I do it because I am lazy.

The good news is that you’re lazy too because if you were a creepy pervert, which you are, you’d go outside and hang out at the bottom of escalators at malls, or under tables at coffee shops or anywhere else you can get a glimpse of a girl’s underwear but you just can’t seem to bring yourself to get out of your pajamas because the world is a scary place…

Either way, Kit Kat is officially a bunch of porn peddlers who promote their product by posing it next to some UK popstar’s vagina in suggestive ways and all you good Christians should write that curt emails about how offended you are.

So it turns out that the Girls Aloud sluts from the UK have a new album out, not that I’ve ever heard their other album, but I think it’s safe to say that it wasn’t award winning and either will this. They are just a group of party sluts with a Spice Girl dream and it worked out for them because here they are celebrating their accomplishments in their bikinis, instead of working at the topless diner like they should be….at least Cheryl Tweedy Cole should be while the ugly one stays in the back and does the dishes….no one wants to look at that shit.

I like to give back to the people every once in a while and this is one of those times. Cheryl Tweedy needs all the exposure she can get because she’s pretty much a nobody who was once in a Spice GIrls revival band called Girls Aloud. It was such a revolution and amazing play on words that it reminds me of the time I accidentally walking into a french Metallica revival band called Mentallica. I didn’t read the sign properly because I don’t really know how to read very well and I figured getting to see Metallica on a small stage for 2 dollars was a good deal, even though I hate the band. When I got in I realized I was wrong but rocked out to broken the songs in broken english with a bunch of french dudes.

Either way, I am giving back to her by giving her exposure and acknowledging that she’s into exposing her body by wearing a see-through shirt and showing off some really big looking bra that I am not too sure she actually fills, but it looks like she’s stacked enough for a homosexual footballer who used to shower with Beckham to enjoy….

Here are those pics

Here are some pictures of Girls Aloud Cheryl Tweedy, who is married to some soccer player named Ashley Cole, in a bikini sporting prison tattoos and animal print like the white trash trailer park whore that she wants to be, but can’t because she’s got too much fucking money.

Speaking of money, I rarely get emails and when I do they aren’t positive. Today’s email was from a site that used to link me saying that she gets too much hate mail for linking to me and that she’s going to have to stop linking me because if her fans don’t dig my site there’s no point in her throwin’ it up. Another site stopped linking me because they make money using google ads and google emailed them saying they will pull the plug if they keep linking me. Someone told me to try submitting my site to Digg.com because it drives a ton of traffic and lets face it I don’t love the fact that this is the coolest site on the internet that nobody every reads and would love to at least be able to buy myself a lap dance with this shit so I tried and my URL is blacklisted. It seems like everything on the internet is working against me for whatever fucking reason. I am not complaining I am still going to do what I do, because I don’t have anything better to do but I really don’t think what I do is porn, but everyone else seems to think it is and that is a fucking problem to me.

If I was jerking off on the computer, I’d hit up sites that have girls masturbating, sucking dick or getting fucked. I am not really into fetish shit, but if I was I would hit that shit up. The shit I throw up here except for a few stepLINKS is shit I’d like my 14 year old stepDaughter see, but then again I’d pretty much let her watch anything, she’s not my kid and don’t really care if she’s watching shit she shouldn’t, it’s her mother’s job, maybe I am lazy, but I like to think of it as being a liberal parent who lets the kids figure shit out on their own.

But that’s not the problem. The problem is you. Stop jerking off to this shit, it’s not meant to be jerked off to and guys like you are guys you see in the park jerking off to girls tanning or guys you see on the bus jerking off to girls reading or guys you see in the ice cream shop jerking off to girls eating ice cream and that’s not the kinda crowd I am trying to get here.

Heather Locklear may be old, but she’s a good kind of old. She’s the type of old who has a lot of money and very little to do. I don’t think she’s been on TV or in Movies in the last 5 years, but for some reason is so vain that she spends her days with personal trainers and diet coaches to ensure that she’s still got some work in her. Maybe the reason she does that is because she built her career on being the hot blonde bitch guys wanted to fuck and got casted in whatever the fuck she’s done to try to lure in male audiences so we could tolerate her useless shows while our wives and girlfriends made us watch them. That pressure is a good thing, because she doesn’t want to retire and is maintaining that sex appeal. I guess it’s working because when I look at these pictures I get annoyed that she’s taking preventative measures to not expose too much….I guess what she doesn’t realize is that if a little panty saw the light of day, every fucking blog would be up on this shit and she’d be the topic of discussion at the water cooler in an office near you, possibly landing her the role of a lifetime.

I was at the stripclub this weekend because I accidentally joined a bachelor party that was walking by me while downtown. I was trying to get a few dollars to buy beer and they liked me enough to invite me along. They were drunk and when the bachelor got on stage to be humiliated, the strippers took all their contempt for me grabbing at them out on him. He ended up completely naked and I had never seen that kind of abuse during one of these shows. Dude was drunk and ended up pushing a stripper to the ground and running off stage, tripping, and landing on me naked. It was an interesting way to meet the guy I was partying for. Either way, there were 2 young chicks from New York there with their boyfriends, both were hot and part of the Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lohan generation where being a slut is cool. They were so into the stripping that when my new found friends asked if they would give him a lap dance, they said sure. I ended up tagging along to the booth with them because I don’t give up any opportunity to see non-strippers in a strip club strip. I watched them dance around for 2 songs and all bitch did was show us her fucking bra. I kept asking for some nipple or ass and they weren’t having it. They were a lot like Heather Locklear holding back on all of us, and I guess the only think I can say is that it is a pretty frustrating and disappointing feeling. Cocktease.

Bonus – A Girls Aloud Chick Preventing a Getting Out of the Car Upskirt….and A Girls Aloud Chick Having a Total Upskirt