So Jordan was out in some tight pants with her husband the other day and motherfucker grabbed her ass, because that’s what you can do when you own a bitch, even if she is the breadwinner for the household and actually owns you, it’s an animal channel situation, look it up, but I noticed that homeboy is doing a lot more uterus grabbing than ass grabbing and there’s gotta be a reason for that….

Sure in Jordan’s case, you’d expect him to be forced to massage her lady parts every hour on the hour so that they don’t harden, you know, since she’s one HPV outbreak away from a a hystorectomy, but I have a feeling she’s knocked up with another ball of retard mush, oh wait that wasn’t politically correct, I meant to say, special needs mush it is the new millenium after all……

It would explain her towel bikini from the other day, and that is a drunkenstepfather.com made up exclusive.

Sure I need to pass the fuck out…but how can I when it comes to such amazing news, sure who really cares if she’s knocked up or not other than the couples involved and child protective services and maybe Toys R’ Us for the potential income, not to mention all the doctors and nurses they’ll need to hire to make sure it survives developing in a pit of dry semen and period blood, but it’s a celebration never the less, so let’s give the lucky couple a big HOORAH you know, for their whole bringing new life into this cold dead world, even if it ends up a flipper, and cheer these cunts on as they ride their rollerblades, it’s like this was a 1975 10th Birthday in a New Jersey roller-rink.

So Lauren Conrad’s not famous and either are her tits. She’s not like her reality star friends, who aren’t even reality stars because shit is scripted harder than my prescription pill popping friend, but reality stars because MTV wants you to think it’s real because that makes it more exciting to watch. Either way, she’s bending over and giving your ass a peek at some tit, which brings back memories of every time you leave your house, because you are a pervert and scope out everyone around you out so hard, hoping just one of them will be a woman slippin up with her low cut shirt bending over to pick up her purse, or her lipstick that she dropped so that you have something to jerk off to later and the good news is that you won’t get caught like I always seem to be every time I get caught checking out a girl, but that’s usually because I am hiding in their closet and can’t seem to hold myself back from jumping into the bath or in bed with them when they least expect it. It turns out that not everybody likes a good surprise and that’s all I have to say about that.