Holly Madison is a marketing genius or just a desperate for attention, work, money, exposure or maybe just bored and has a lot of time on her hands.

She hosted the world’s largest pool party, or some bikini parade, or something else that involved average lookin’ chicks getting in bikinis, and accepted the Guinness World Record for it. I guess that’s a great honor for a glorified stripper.

The only record the strippers I know have broken are the standard biggest pussy, most herpes outbreaks in a year, most kids with different fathers, you know shit like that.

I am tired, don’t worry, just warmin’ up.

Holly Madison was out in a bikini with her fake tits, rockin’ her Ed Hardy hat because she’s a cheesy Playboy cunt. I figured Ed Hardy was dead by now but for some reason, these bitches can’t let go and move on, because I guess they have no idea what the fucks up, don’t move onto new trends too quickly, maybe because their lives are so fucking awesome, that paying 200 dollars for a shitty hat makes sense as does rockin’ the bottle service with jacked up gym-bo boyfriends dancing on bars to Bob Sinclair. I hate them, but I’d love to hate fuck them.

Some Other Model was there, I have no idea who she is, but you probably do, because you are weird or use Google. Her name is Sarah Ashley Barker.

If you’re wondering how Holly Madison keeps her whore body in shape, it’s not from being kicked off Dancing with the Stars, it’s not from doing the coke diet, it’s not from having an eating disorder whether starving herself, or puking all over herself, it’s not from fucking and fucking and fucking until her vagina stops working, it’s from good old fashioned, wholesome fake workouts where she pretends to be actually breakin’a sweat, when really it’s just a photo op for some company in desperate need of promotion.

My computer is running like fucking shit. I was going to say pure shit, but the idea of shit being anything but pure made me feel sick to my stomach, so while I sort this motherfucker out, here’s a little Holly Madison doing her bullshit Dancing With the Stars whore dance.

While at the strip club the titty shakes I see are usually a lot more coordinated than this shit, but I guess she’s out of practice now that she doesn’t have to work the pole every night of the week, and dance for dirty men to pay her rent, while going home and crying herself to sleep about objectifying herself and not getting anywhere, hoping to find that one meal ticket that turned out to be Playboy. I’m not judgin’, I’m just saying her fucking dance is bullshit and if I saw this go down on stage, I’d ask the bouncer for my cover charge back.

The highlight of the show, as always is that dude with autism who founded Apple doing the worm…

I assume this girl was a stripper, but not like the down on her luck professionally trained dancer who couldn’t get work throughout her 20s, crashed, got depressed and started doing drugs to make her feel better, eventually getting way too into debt and decided to start stripping to get out of her mess, only to choreograph these emotional trainwreck performances that are way too heavy for a fucking stripclub, you know with leg kicks, and on their knees hair pulling and tears and shit, because it makes them feel like they aren’t selling themselves out as whores, but that this is a fucking art. Well, I don’t get the same vibe from Holly Madison on DWTS, she lacks substance, and here she is doing a quickstep.

Here’s Holly Madison in some wholesome looking dress, you know one you’d expect to see your grandmother wear to her husband’s company’s summer picnic with a Jello Casserole she made from scratch in the 1950s with a smile on her face. You know in a time when she’d be fucking the mailman, the neighbor, some guy who works at her grocery store, while your mom was in school and your grandfather was at work fucking his secretary, molesting kids in his little league, dragging black people behind his pick-up truck, or even meeting in back alley’s to fag the fuck out. You know a simpler time, when people’s sleaze was swept under the fucking rug, when everyone played the white picket fence middle american dream, but were still sleazing out behind closed doors and that’s a lot more than I can say about Holly Madison, someone who publicly dated an old man because he was powerful and could give her a career, so maybe she’d be better off dressing in a crotchless leotard with arrows pointing to her box, because that receptacle is really her only asset, it’s what got her everything in life, from those fake tits to her Luis Vuitton and her career, house, car, friends, hair, tan, and everything in her life is just a product of that, so she should be showin’ some fuckin love and paying a tribute to what got her where she is instead of distracting us with them tits.

My breast loving, like seriously, breast obsessed, possibly because his mother didn’t breast feed him and that is why he prides himself on using over 100 different terms for breasts, probably because he only lost his virginity after making his first million off his site after coining the term Yorkshire Puddings for tits, I know, next level life changing shit, friend over at HollywoodTuna.com, got some exclusive pictures of Holly Madison before she was swept up and renovated by Hugh Hefner, who originally wanted to flip her, because she was run the fuck down, in the seedy part of town, crackheads and aspiring rockstars had been living in her and her pussy stank of piss and shit, but after investing so much money into her, pretty much giving her an Extreme Home Makeover, he figured he’d keep her for a while, and all she had to do was sign a contract pretending to be his girlfriend.

It was a Pretty Woman situation, from whore to high class escort with a permanent client who didn’t make you feel like a whore, because your life was so much more luxurious than the trailer park you came from, put your daily allowance was far more than those other Johns, and you don’t even have to touch his dick, all you have to do is feed his God Complex by lending herself as a , or guinea pig, as he and his doctors and designers, craft the perfect busty, fake blonde, dreamgirl.

That’s what happens when you have fucked tens of thousands of beautiful girls, you get bored and go out doin’ weird shit to broken down pick-up truck lookin’ whores, and I guess the good news for Holly, is that he’s not luring to his home, tying them up and shooting snuff films to get off, but instead giving girls with no hope new beginnings, because she’s a fuckin’ mess in these old pics of her.

Since her high profile break-up with Hugh Hefner, who wasn’t actually her boyfriend, but her boss, and they weren’t actually in a relationship, she was just working for him as part of her job, and like any dude who owns a company who depends on the quality of the pussy, the best way to keep the pussy fresh of the old rotting pussy by firing it for whatever reason, especially when its not pulling its weight and just free loading off its title and taking advantage of the status of its job by getting free shit and throwing it around in an uncontrollable way that is detrimental to the company , and I guess he had enough and figured she was boring and they needed new blood, so he ended up with the Shannon Twins and she ended up with some Mexican Gay dude who helps her get into cars….something she should take in while she can because it won’t be long before she burns through her severance package and ends up back at the trailer park she came from. I’ve seen it happen before and there’s always a crash after you peak, just ask DJ AM’s pilot….what, too soon?

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There is nothing hot about seeing a Holly Madison nipple slip, it’s actually pretty fucking standard considering we’ve all seen her naked because she’s some kind of Playboy model and nipple’s aint got shit on pussy, even if it is the boring and tame Playboy photographer’s idea of pussy and not the gaping fleshy mess kind of pussy I like.

The truth is her fake tits don’t even really belong to her, but her body was just a vessel for some Plastic Surgeon with some kind of God complex and parading them around for everyone to see is like showing off your new Honda Civic that you bought and that about 100,000 other people on the road have, it ain’t really a fuckin’ thing.

I’d much rather see the nipple of some unsuspecting girl like the Spanish girl I saw yesterday bending over to pick up her groceries and had no idea that her braless self was showing of some perky dark nipples and I was just in the right place at the right time because God doesn’t hate me as much as I hate myself I guess….

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Exhibitionist sluts who only have a career because they got naked aren’t exciting to watch flash the world while in clothes, pretty much because it is what they do and have already done. Sure you can look at that shit like it’s some free-spirit hippie bullshit where they think the naked body is a natural thing, or maybe she’s just drunk and unaware that she’s flashing the world her cooch, but the fact remains that I’ve already seen her naked and I am really only into accidental flashing like when I am at the bar and braless college girls pop out of their dresses or pass out in the corner with their dresses above their bare asses, because pantylines suck, but this Holly Madison upskirt just bores me. I’ll post it anyway.

The one thing that hip hop people, extreme sport people, street wear people and hipsters have in common is the all-over print hoody and now Playboy sluts can be added to the list of assholes who wear these stupid shirts. But they are a bit more interesting to look at because they have big fake tits and hard nipples and their all over print is some truck trailer slut emblem and not something lame like lightning bolts or whatever the fuck these kids are sporting….

I guess the other thing interesting about Playboy sluts who made it to the top and are fuckin’ Hefner is that they realize that they offer little more to the world than a set of tits and can make decent money from them so why the fuck not take what you can get. They look at gold-diggin the same way that an average person sees going to a technical school to get a skill that makes them employable and instead of paying for tuition, they spend their money on breast implants, tacky clothes and hair dye to manipulate their way to the top of the slut ladder staring at the bottom of the stripper pole and working their way up….

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to judge, since I am sitting here in my underwear in my shitbox apartment, unskilled, uneducated and broke, because if I had a set of tits that weren’t as disgusting to look at as my man tits are, I’d be using them to make my life a little more comfortable too. I don’t know what the point of this post is but I do know that I spent the day drinking and that was pretty irresponsible of me so I’m trying to make it up to you here.