I have an internet relationship with Lydia Hearst, at least I like to think it’s actually Lydia Hearst, because it validates that what I do is actually read, while Twitter reminds me everyday that no one gives a fuck about what I do or have to say, so I go off on long conversations about life, the weather, my relationship with my wife, how I got drunk and slapped a girl I don’t knows ass or paid that bum 2 dollars to flash me his dick, and she always comes through with a little LOL, or response that makes me feel like she cares, and I don’t even mind that it is actually some 45 year old motherfuckin’ weirdo, or 13 year old Indonesian chick who is a fan of Hearst who created a fake profile, and uploaded random Google Images, in a creepy way, is the person I am actually talking to, because that’s how lonely I am.

Here’s Lydia at an event she didn’t invite me to, showing off some tit, but not showing off some tit for me.