If you used to jerk off to Charlie and the Chocolate factory, because luring kids into your house of crazy with candy is porn to you, you may remember this girl as the girl who was in the movie….

You probably didn’t know she had a stupid name that is missing a space and that she was clearly named by some illiterate who was smart enough to exploit her by selling her to the entertainment industry.

It turns out she’s playing Bethany Hamilton, a girl who not only hangs with hot bikini asses but who is a surfing prodigy who was about to go pro before sacrificing her arm in a shark attac, making her the one armed surfer I’ve been watching since she’s been old enough to masturbate to, especially when wearing a bikini top , cuz legally you don’t have to be 18 to turn creeps on with bikini tops….

So here she is with her arm in a green sleeve because they are going to delete the shit in post production and the only reason I am posting this is because this technology is redefining amputee porn, a type of porn I had my way with in the mid-90s after reading some seriously demented erotica about stump fucking, leading me to volunteering at some rehab facility and week later being let go from the same rehab facility for pressing my dick up on as many stumps as I could, but that doesn’t matter..

What does matter is that this movie will have a lot of teen bikini, and this girl may be too young to determine whether or not she will end up hot when she grows up, but has the fact that she’s jailbait working for her. So she can ride on her age for now, as men will always have jailbait fantasies and never be too picky about who they are into, as all those fantasies require is a birthdate, the rest kinda doesn’t matter to them especially since all the other Miley jailbait is too old old and washed up to consider jailbait anymore, leavingtheir talent pool pretty empty and historically, jailbait fantasies seem to be popular and I don’t really understand it, because I like my bitches used up, sagging, experienced and disgusting because it is less pressure, they have less expectations, they know what they are doing and they don’t look like little annoying brats, cuz in the event you haven’t sat in a Starbucks, teenagers are fucking annoying as shit.

Bonus: Some Open Mouth for the Real Perverts

And Some Checking Out Her Bikini Clad Co-Stars Changing….cuz young girls always compare their naked bodies…

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via PacificCoastNews

I’ve never been one of those young girls that wants to look older them I am. After watching my mothers looks deteriorate and her weight balloon to epic proportions, I realized that being 18, thin and fit is a pretty sweet deal. I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth cause it’s going to be all down hill from here pretty much. I know I’m not perfect, but there’s a reason I get laid as much as I do, and I’m pretty sure it’s not because of my brain. Great legs, nice tits, and tight ass probably help tho.

I’ve been trying to figure out just what exactly Hayden Panettiere’s handlers are up to in terms of sending her out for promotional tours and appearences looking like an aging Cougar. She looks great, don’t get me wrong but I think she is going to have a rude awakening when she wakes up down the road and realizes shes been middle aged for 25 fucking years.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

I was at a house party on the weekend with a friend of mine and we were outside on the patio when this loser came up to us. He didn’t say anything at first. He just stood there listening to our conversation, staring blankly. After about 3 minutes of this, there was a break in our conversation and a moment of silence. I guess jackass thought he would use this as his “in” to start talking to us and of all things he could say, blurted out “So, you have 2 beers, huh?” pointing at the beer I had in each hand.

I looked at my friend, and my friend looked at me, and he just stood there very please with himself, with a look on his face that suggested he actually thought this introduction to our conversation was going to get him some pussy. Now generally I try not to be a bitch when it comes to guys coming up to me, but in this case, I couldnt help myself and i laughed in his face. I know not all of you are Don Juan, and I will pretty much sleep with anyone who is a 6/10 or above, but even I like there to be a little effort in the initial pick up sometimes. Why not just say “So, I see your wearing shoes.” or “Hey, you have hair, I like that in a women.” You get the point. I honestly would have been more receptive to “Nice shirt, wanna fuck?”

One more example of why guys like you will be virgins until you die, or until you finally breakdown and pay a whore with the money you have been saving in your piggy bank, which ever comes first.

Here’s some pics from the Teen Choice awards. Virgin or not, none of these girls will ever sleep with you, ever. And yeah, some of these chicks are borderline Jail Bait, but you are a Perv and are into that type of thing.

Aimee Teegarden

Audrina Partridge

Jessica Alba

Megan Fox

Sophia Bush

Vanessa Hudgens