I wasn’t in the mood to go to a bar, it is getting too repetitive for me. You know same ugly, depressing, useless people, too much booze, waste of money, horrible hangover is getting boring. So I went to a rich friend’s house instead and motherfucker decided to hire a craiglsit whore. She was this busty blonde girl who was probably 20 years old and whores just don’t work how they used to.

First of all, bitch made us fill out a fucking form, like we were applying for welfare or a fucking job or some shit, I refused and just watched my friend fuck her in some seriously uninpsired sex, while I went over her pricelist and was really comfortable in the fact that she offered bareback blowjobs, deep french kissing, cum swallowing and a whole other list of shit I wouldn’t want to pay for, knowing that that night alone, 10 other dudes probably paid for it.

The whole thing was uninspiring, but Kelly Carlson filming this scene for Nip/Tuck in a white bikini is. It brings me hope that one day I won’t have to pay 100 dollars to cum in a bitch that looks like this and I’ll get it for free.

I had no idea who Kelly Carlson is which isn’t saying anything bad about her, I just don’t really know who anyone is and have no real business running this kind of site, but it’s really doesn’t take much running, it’s more like I throw up all over my keyboard and it magically appears for you to read.

It tuns out she is from Nip/Tuck and that she’s 30. Now I know a lot of 30 year olds, or have known a lot of 30 year olds and there is no fucking way that she is 30, she looks like a mom of two at a soccer game with big fat tits and a yoga body that makes all the other husbands hate their fat wives more than they already do, but on the positive side, gives them something to jerk off to and makes them organize as many pool parties as they can during the summer so it’s actually really good for the neighborhood.

I met a 45 year old woman looking for weed the other day. She came up to me because I guess I look like some kind of hood rat who would know people who know where to get weed. I got to talking to her, even though she looked older than my scrotum, and my scrotum looks pretty fucking old and no I am not going to show you because that would be massively gay and I can’t believe you thought of that, fag.

Either way, I was drunk and thought I was a rockstar who attracts all the old slags my way because they always had a homeless man fantasy and tonight was the night to live it out, but reality was she was married and visiting the city and needed weed because she has a back problem, like ever elderly chick and weed numbs the pain and allows her to take her husbands cock the right way so that she can actually cum from sex.

I was really glad that she felt the need to introduce me to her geriatric sex life and problems, because I don’t have enough of my own problems to deal with like not being able to getting it up, or having a wife that reminds me of a magic bouncy castle little kids go crazy for at the park….I am not a sex therapist but probably should be and by diagnosis is that this older lookin 30 year old has some great fuckin’ tits and that’s why I am posting these pics.