I used to work with a virgin comic book and action figure collecting virginal computer geek who never drank but who would always been in an amazing mood on the days that Felicity was on. He’d run around the warehouse where we worked with a huge smile on his face and bounce in his step all because of this Keri Russel bitch.

I never bothered watching the show to see what the hype he generated was all about, because I knew that him being a socially awkward virgin at 25, meant his interest in girls was a lot different than mine. He wasn’t into hot sluts who suck dick while being foot fucked, he was into wholesome girls he could imagine going horseback riding with and sitting in front of the fire talking about space travel with. He didn’t view her as pussy, but as a person he connected with, even though she was a character on TV. He was convinced she was a good girl, one you’d want to have your kids and I am sure this Details magazine shoot would really break his heart, seeing that she’s a slut like every girl he’s ever lusted for but who never gave him the time of day, provided he hasn’t killed himself yet, so I am posting them for him, because it’s my kind of revenge for having to listen to him preach about drinking being bad and brag about the size of his hard drives all while not realizing no one gives a fuck about him, especially not Felicity.