Sophie Monk is part of another bullshit scandal that she’s staged to get people talking about her. First it was some stalker bullshit where she’d only walk around with security, when we all know that no one has ever stalked her, not even her ex boyfriends who normally have a hard time getting over their ex girlfriends cuz they were off fucking Paris Hilton, probably playing a real number on her self-esteem, I mean especially coupled with how irrelevant her career is, making most people end it all, you know pack it all in their designger bag and head back home to ghetto suburban life she had in Australia. But I guess she’s giving it one last push and hasn’t given up yet because then she did the whole staged bikini pictures where she hired the paparazzi agency to follow her to the beach where she posed for them, then convinced them to follow her in her everyday life, giving bored bloggers who like something to write about…
Now, she’s dating some Beverly Hills plastic surgeon I am guessing she went to see to perk up her dumpy little ass, or maybe it was to get her flappy Paris Herpes ridden twat tightened up, but shes’ gone on to say that it’s nice to not be with someone in the limelight, as if the Good Charlotte sister was ever in the fuckin’ limelight, and this mother fucker’s apparently got his filmography on his fuckin’ website trying to be the California Playboy he wants to be and I guess what it comes down to is that he’s fuckin’s Sophie Monk and we’re not….
I get grief for making barely sexual commentary about girls who aren’t 18 and I don’t really understand what people expect me to do when they dress their 16 year old up like this. From the high heels, to the flishnets, to the short shorts, to the red lipstick and the bleached hair, the short shorts and the smell of teenage pregnancy radiating out of her pussy, I can’t really help myself. If they motherfuckers really cared about stopping sex crimes, they’d stop putting this kind of imagery in mainstream media and if anyone should get arrested for kiddie porn or sex offense, it should be the wardrobe guy and writing of whatever show she’s on. That’s all I have to say about that.
For those of you who used to watch Ron Howard TV shows and used to think to yourself how cool he was and how badly you wanted to be him, to the point of borderline obsession, where he became your everything and you started posting up posters of him and using expressions he used and even cut your hair the same way as him, dressed like him and wanted to be inside him, you can now jerk off to something that came out of his dick and grew in some chick’s uterus like some kind of fungus, and it won’t be as gay or as weird as when you jerked off to him, because let’s face it Ron Howards a bit of a fuckin’ loser no one should aspire to be or get off to.
She’s redhead, I have never had a redhead, I find them scary for the most part, but my friend told me they are a different breed of human and their skin feels different that normal people, so as longs as she has a vagina and her ass has keeps that attitude, I won’t judge you.
Bryce Dallas Howard, Ass, Leggings
Bryce Dallas Howard’s Ass in Leggings of the Day
For those of you who used to watch Ron Howard TV shows and used to think to yourself how cool he was and how badly you wanted to be him, to the point of borderline obsession, where he became your everything and you started posting up posters of him and using expressions he used and even cut your hair the same way as him, dressed like him and wanted to be inside him, you can now jerk off to something that came out of his dick and grew in some chick’s uterus like some kind of fungus, and it won’t be as gay or as weird as when you jerked off to him, because let’s face it Ron Howards a bit of a fuckin’ loser no one should aspire to be or get off to.
She’s redhead, I have never had a redhead, I find them scary for the most part, but my friend told me they are a different breed of human and their skin feels different that normal people, so as longs as she has a vagina and her ass has keeps that attitude, I won’t judge you.
I know that I’d rather see Shakira on all fours with an 14 inch dildo in her ass and a fist in her pussy because I hear when you get a Columbian girl enough coke, everything is fuckin’ possible, they are like cartoon pussy who do shit that other girls find impossible, but since that shit only happens in my imagination, I’ll settle for pictures of her in her leggings leaving the gym, because even though she’s 10 years older than when we first started our one-sided relationship, I still haven’t seen her pussy, so leggings are a good enough reminder that the popstar who got away, may have a second round, ideally a really fucking trashy round in her….ust next time, let’s get some shots from behind….because leggings without being able to check out the ass are really just a waste of fucking time…
I am always amazed when I remember that Kate Beckinsale’s got a kid. I’m sure she found the shit on the side of the road, or maybe it was her dying drug addict sister’s who needed a home, because it makes no sense to me that shit grew inside of her and ripped its way out of her, her body is too tight.
My only issue with Kate Beckinsale or giving her love for lookin’ good is that it makes me feel like a virgin werido who collects action figures because she did some movie that I’ve never seen called Underworld, but apparently every dude who can’t get pussy has and have since plastered their walls with her picture and name their pet iguana after her and shit.
Here she is leaving the gym in leggings or some shit.
I like to think that Lindsay Lohan is a really good friend of mine. Sure I’ve never met her, I’ve never really spoke to her, my only relationship with her is when I left some creepy messages on a voicemail that someone claimed was hers, but she is the person who comes to me in my dreams, wearing nothing but a sheer top, like some kind of guardian angel who will one day carry me away to a better place and I guess it could all stem from my imagination, maybe from the hard drug use, but I really think it’s something bigger, it gives me hope…a hope that one day lost lovers can be reunited a few months after a public break-up, as she constantly runs back to Samantha Ronson’s house, not that I ever think she was dating her, I mean how could she commit to someone while constantly coming to me in my motherfuckin dreams.
Here’s a fuckin’lie for you. Rihanna in fetish gear. The reason I know it’s a lie. Because she wouldn’t have been such a fucking whiner about getting punched in the fucking face by her boyfriend, because anyone who is really a dominatrix, knows that’s just his way of saying he wants his dick in her mouth, not that she sucks dick, according to my friend’s theory, Bajan’s aren’t Haitian when it comes to cocksuckin’ which is another reason why the rubber fishnets are just a fuckin’ lie. It’s upsetting, but I’d still be down to cum all over the shit.
American Apparel pants are made for skinny people, I remember going into one of those stores with my stepdaughter and she thought it would be fun to revamp my style, you know make me come across a little younger and fresher, despite the only thing fresh on me is this scab on my dick that wasn’t there the other day, but that’s not the point, the point is that I put on a hoodie or t-shirt or fuck if I know and shit was an XL but wasn’t getting over my fat ass, but this Fantasia Barrino chick, who has managed to not do shit since her American Idol days, has finally found success squeezing that booty in a pair of leggings and I can hear the threads that make those cheap overpriced pants holding on for their fucking life…..and screamin’ in pain and discomfort from the smell.
I have some bad news. Katy Perry has gone on to win a Brit award, meaning she’s got international notoriety and that depresses me. Not only do I know she’s a talentless hack, but that song is fucking painful, cheap, and fucking useless. It’s simple attention craving at it’s best because everyone knows that the idea of girl on girl is one of the most basic fantasies of straight men everywhere and she sets it to a beat gay men can dance to, teenage girls can emulate and the whole thing is a fucking mess. Maybe I’m just jealous because my “I kissed a boy and I got aroused” single didn’t get the same visibility. Sure, I only performed it once, while drunk, in a club, trying to seduce a girl who was into gay porn, and the whole thing was a lie, but that shouldn’t matter because so is this hag.
Either way, nice panty line you cow, I’d say you’re supposed to go bareback in these kinds of pants, but I know those reinforced spanx are essential to keep your fucking disgusting from escaping.
Here she is trying to be sexy while performing earlier in the week….
So Nicole Richie brought her ass out in a pair of leggings and I really can’t figure out what I think about it. She looks like a troll or Ashlee Simpson and DJ AM once told me that her pussy looks like a corpse, but in all fairness to her pussy, he did tell me that in a dream I had of him trying to kill himself and failing, and he didn’t tell me that in person, so maybe I just made that shit up and her pussy is some kind magical place that men who suck off their twin brothers call home and destroy with a baby, in hopes of it morphing into something that looks more like the empty ball sack he used to diddle.
Point of the story is……who really gives a shit? She had no business being famous in the first place, based on having no talent and being pretty fucking ugly….and she has no business being famous now. Her biological parents had the right idea and got rid of her when she was a baby, we should take their lead.
Like a mother jealous of her daughter’s youth, or a girlfriend jealous of her boyfriend’s hot young co-worker he hangs out with, Beyonce is going that extra mile to try to look as hot and slutty as possible, knowing that she’s been replaced by Rihanna, but not accepting the fact that she’s been replaced by Rihanna, because once you accept that your time has come and gone, there’s little to look forward to, so it’s important to tap into the competitiveness that makes your relatives pro athletes and marathon runners, and the fire you felt back when your little sister challenged you to a watermelon eating contest and really take ownership on your experience, to try to win the public over, unfortunately, Beyonce’s doing it by wearing a pair of Rihanna’s pants and the whole thing is fucking pathetic. Nice tits though.
Here are some pictures of Rachel Bilson and her long torso doing the ape-walk with her little cunty dog. This would be a great opportunity to write about my own little fucker who managed to throw up 15 pounds of half digested food and a carrot on me earlier today, but I hate cocksuckers who treat their dogs like their kids, and I hate people who treat their kids like an accomplishment and never shut the fuck up about the little things they do. Like bragging about the first time it uses the potty, it’s first time on a flight, because the only think that interests me about childbirth is the before and after pussy shots and maybe a sample of breast milk, the little workings that make the fucker precious to you, really have nothing to do with my life, so you can just keep it to yourself, and while you do that, you can check out Rachel Bilson in leggings, an article of clothing that was once so fucking exciting, but has become everyday practice by so many fat chicks who think they can pull it off because all their friends are doing it, leading me wishing the shit was never re-introduced and left in the early 90s where they belong….
So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan’s thighs rub together when she walks, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering my wife’s tits rub her thighs when she walks, but then again my wife’s idea of walking is sitting on our ghetto couch and in all fairness to my wife, she’s not a celebrity and never will be, unless she’d doing the before pictures for some weightloss scam that they will photoshop a fit girl’s face onto to sell product. In reality, my wife being fat is all my fault because I told her I was tired of fucking her and wanted a blow-up doll. Since, she’s french she understood that I wanted a bouncy castle and decided to turn herself into one, at least that’s the only explanation I have for what has proven to be a really disgusting part of my life.
Either way, here’s Lohan’s thick drug addicted thighs rubbin’ together.
Bonus – Some Shitty See Through Action from the Other Day:
I read somewhere that Lohan’s mother thinks that Lohan is an artist, which is a lot like your mom telling you that you’re really handsome and that you’ll find yourself a woman who sees it one day, but until then you always have mommy to take care of you….
It turns out that the artist formerly known as Lohan has landed a new job opposite Jack Black which I guess is a sure sign of art, but more like the art that the homeless man down the street makes with his shit on the bus shelter and in public bathrooms and less like something that kids will be analyzing in schools 20 years down the road because shit is genius….
Since I hate Jack Black, I am going to assume that he’s the reason she’s hiding from the cameras, because she has to accept that she’s thrown her shit career down the toilet and this is the shit she has to eat to try to climb her way out of the gutter. Kind of like when I worked at the factory for years hoping that eventually lead to something better until realizing that working in a factory leads to nowhere, kinda like starring opposite Jack Black. I can’t wait to see the fat sex scene because you know she always throws herself at the closest penis in the room and seeing Lohan get fucked by a fat dude will help make my fantasies more realistic.
I guess the real reason she’s hiding from the cameras is because she’s shy about her topless photoshoot and by topless photoshoot I mean cold sores from suckin’ dick outbreak.
Here are some pictures of Kate Hudson dressed like every 18 year old Jewish girl I see at my local Starbucks. I’ve been pretty off on calling out Jewish Outfits of the Day in the past, but this one seems pretty legit. She’s got the leggings and the oversized shirt and that’s the kind of effort a lazy spoiled jewish girl who doesn’t care about sex appeal during the day because she’s always got jewish guys trying to get her to suck their horny dicks not matter how lazy she’s dressed. I figure it’s got something to do with this group mentality and security that comes when all your friends are going out in shit they should only be wearing in the privacy of their home or to bed then why shouldn’t they. I blame camp.
I guess the good news for them is that whenever these jewish girls go out on the town, they get as dolled up as they can by getting their hair done and a designer dress on, to drink Grey Goose and dance on bars before going home with their jewish neighbor who they’ve known since they were 5 and end up suckin’ their dick in the car their parents bought them for their 16th birthday because they can’t do it at home or their parents will catch them. Even though everyone will find out the next day and talk about it on facebook. So the life lesson of the day is to stay away from a jewish girl during the day.
Either way, I don’t understand why this Kate Hudson bitch didn’t get more shit for driving her drug addicted Owen Wilson to suicide, that emotional trauma she gave him put him over the edge and from what I’ve been told, the emotional abuse I give my wife is still grounds for getting me locked up even though I’ve never hit her….I guess life’s not really fair.
I can only blame her Coolio gangster paradise dealer disguised as a middle aged women for the life of crime and lesbianism she’s living. I’ve seen hip hop videos and the only motherfuckers allowed to rock one pant leg hiked up is gangsters and every suburban white kid in over-sized clothes who thinks he’s a gangster while drivng around in his mom’s Lexus truck like he bought the shit with money he made hustlin’
