I am not posting these pictures of Kristen Bell because she’s hot, because I don’t think she’s hot. I am posting them because I have a post office story and I thought these were fitting.

I went to the post office yesterday to pick up some sex toy that was sent to me and that I will never use because my wife doesn’t meet the weight requirements and because the last thing I want to do is see my wife sitting on an inflatable hot seat (google it), but it was sent to me for free and I take everything I can get.

So I walk into the post office, no one else is in the place, and the guy working looks me up and down, smiles and lets out the biggest fart I had heard since earlier that day when my wife was taking a shit and I couldn’t get the volume on the computer loud enough to block it out.

So as dudes farting and serving me at the same time, like it’s not a big fucking deal, I realize that he’s only farting in front of me because I look homeless and don’t deserve the respect of someone that he wouldn’t fart in front of and the whole thing depressed me, but probably not as much as these pics of Kristen Bell will depress you because she’s not naked in them.