I was walking by a McDonald’s earlier today and saw the skinniest girl I have probably ever seen walking towards the door. I was thinking to myself that to have a body like that, there is no way a motherfucker eats that shit, but I was wrong, she walked right in. Maybe she was a heroin addict or bulemic and I was dealing with her on a binge, but I think she was just a skinny girl who got down with disgusting food every now and then, so I asked her to let me take a picture of her, so that I’d post it on the site and maybe get her a job as their new spokesperson, because McDonald’s needs someone who isn’t fat and dying of liver failure from eating the shitty processed food, you know a poster girl who doesn’t need poster sized paper to print up pictures of themselves because normal cameras can’t take it all fuckin’ in, especially since bitch was worth a fuckin’ round, but then she just told me to fuck myself and I guess you can’t really help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, or maybe I just shouldn’t have bothered a binging girl, eating away her sadness despite her eating disorder at her darkest time.

So when I saw these pics of Klum promoting some McDonald’s shit, I got excited because I knew my vision was on the right fuckin’ track and that it must have been a sign from fuckin’ God telling me I’m a fuckin’ genius, but I doubt it.

Like I said yesterday, when you are underpaid in a shitty job, like working at a fast food joint, or something equally shitty, you just don’t go above and beyond the call of duty when someone relatively famous comes in, you just ignore the other customers while striking up conversation, hoping motherfucker saves you from the life you are living.

So Pharrell was flying back from some Asian trip and stopped off in France for a layover, ran to a McDonald’s to get some food and they would only serve him breakfast, so he did a song and dance hoping to seduce the girls, because in America, he just has to walk into a fucking place and he’s already got four chicks sucking on his dick, but I guess wasn’t so lucky this time around. I like the ending where he realizes he isn’t getting shit out them and he is about to do a spoiled brat, celebrity tantrum, but the video ends, so I guess we’ll never know what happened, and I am sure you’re pretty upset about that.

Lindsay Lohan addressed concerns the public has because those topless pics I posted yesterday surfaced and she looks like death. Her people needed to do damage contro, so they sent her to pretend to get McDonald’s, because nothing says I am not a coked up, self destructive, girl with an eating disorder like pretending to eat the shittiest quality food out there. Good example for the kids, you cunt, I’d say you’re really the right thing to look up to, but remembered thatkids know who Lohan is anymore, she’s just a nobody. She deserves some love for this shitty performance.

The real confusing thing in all this is that asian/mexican/ethnic of somesort guy who sneaks out from behind the gate. Is he their laborer, is he their drug dealer, is her lohan’s sex slave she bought off some seedy website. I guess we’ll never know, because they’ll kill him before they let him open his mouth. That’s just how psycho’s do things.

Kim the Urinal was living out a childhood dream this past weekend and that was to be invited to a McDonald’s event to pose with the biggest Big Mac ever. I hear she demanded that they pay her in food and not money, because she’s got enough money but can never get enough food.

The truth is that Kim Kardashian is the kind of Fat Chick McDonald’s has been searching the world over for. They wanted a spokesperson for the brand that despite being 50 pounds overweight and rockin’ the obesity BMI, she’s still got dudes everywhere jerking off to her because her Big Macs go straight to her big ass and big tits, that’s why she’s in a bikini top.

Unfortunately, the only Special Sauce Kim Kardashian is really into comes out of black cock, so I’d say put that on your Big Mac and eat it, but the truth is that they’re more into fuckin’ watermelon and fat blonde chicks.