I was eating a sandwich the other day and overheard the staff of the sandwich place talking about how Michael Phelps was there over the weekend with some local chick he’s dating. I started casually asking some people I know about it, not because I care, but because I wanted to know who would see past that dude’s mangled face for the American hero with fish-like stamina he is, because I had a feeling pretty much any girl would see past his mangled face to get with America’s boy wonder.

Some dude I know, claims he knows the girl, he told me they met in Florida but didn’t know if they were serious or not, he didn’t even know if they were fucking or not, but as far as I’m concerned, if you’re flying into Montreal during the winter for a girl, when you have the option of pretty much every girl out there, shit’s probably pretty serious or at least pretty fuckin’ good.

Here are some pictures that may be of her, that are ripped off her Facebook. I don’t even know her name, so they really could be anyone, or at least someone who worked her way into hanging with T.I., Young Jeezy, and Phelps. Probably making it the best vacation ever!

Let’s just hope she doesn’t get soft and trust him too much. You know, believe the lies he tells her about being the one and their future life of luxury, you know blinding her from getting some some artistic nudes of him that she can use for blackmail down the road after he cheats on her, because you never let a hope and fantasy of what you wish will happen, make you turn your back on opportunity that presents itself today. At least that’s why my grandmother always told me along with other life lessons like “never suck dick for free” and “condoms are for pussies” and most importantly…I never had a grandmother, but you get what I’m saying. Right?

Michael Phelps is some hip hop fan who can now live out his dream of being gangster hustling chicks and not feel like the awkward weird lookin’ guy he is, because girls are sluts and if you are on TV, no matter how wonky lookin’ you are, you’ll still have no issue getting laid and living the hip hop dream, flossin’ his ice after melting down his 8 gold medals into an Olympic Grill and here he is at the Playboy club grabbin’ some random girl’s ass because he can and because every slut wants his water logged dick up inside them and the truth is that I am surprised Phelps can even walk around as easily as he does, I heard that the American government hasn’t let him out of the pool for the last 12 years he’s been training to be the freak that he is….but then againg I have no idea what I am talking about…..but I do know the girl in the green bikini is dumpy as fuck….enjoy…

So this picture was sent in by a reader claiming they were pictures of Michael Phelps, which I thought was surprising because I heard he was some awkward Jewish lookin’ kid with no friends who was found in a dumpster after being left they by his teenage mother at prom and was sent into some US military genetic program instead of an orphanage and was cross bread animals to make super humans or some shit, because winning the olympics for a competitive country that wants to be the best in the world on all fronts a priority and I beleived it because I have seen this fucker swim on TV at the bar and that shit is just not natural.

When I was growing up, the kids on the swim team were all these horny, half naked losers, the guys would constantly pop boners for the girls and the girls were always kinda fat and forced into it by there parents and it was some kind of perverse freakshow of a group that always smelled like chemicals and who were only accepted by each other, so I find the whole celebrating them now because they are on some Olympic global platform is just as lame as the kids who would go watch the swim meets on a Saturday beause they had nothing better to do with themselves. Swimming competitively has never been cool, swimming naked has always been cool and I find it annoying that all these useless sports are suddenly popular because you have some hero in the shit, doesn’t mean shit.

What I don’t find annoying is that Phelp’s mom lets men take pictures of her in her lingerie, not that this is actually her, but ya never know, it could be.