I know there is nothing hot about these pictures of Molly Sims, unless you’re into fat chicks, which I’m not, since I’m married to a fat chick and everything about her is horrible, from her smell to her breathing to trying to find her vagina when she forces me to go down on her….The only good thing about fat chicks is when they aren’t that fat, but fat enough to know they can’t really get a guy to commit, so they fill the void of male attention with both cake and giving amazing blowjobs to whoever comes a long and asks for one….especailly at last call…unfortunately, that level of fat isn’t my wife.
Enough about me, the reason I am posting this shit is because I find it funny to see how far this bitch has gone to look less fat than she is. She has a massive Vuiton purse, that is probably 5 times the size of a real Vuiton and it brings back memories of 1986, when I went to some county fair and they made us strip down and sit on this massive tables to look like we were little elves, you know some wierd pervert shit I knew was wrong years before they arrested our camp director who coordinated the shit…
Here’s what Molly Sims used to look like…
Here she is behind her purse trying to recreate that video shoot using strategic props….and movie magic special effects…
I used to hate Funny or Die with a passsion. I didn’t know why, but I like to think it had to do with the figure skating movie Blade of Steel that Will Ferrell was in making me hate everything the motherfucker did. But as I’ve got older, I’ve decided to care less about everything, it’s been a pretty cleansing process and although I am still the bitter hateful motherfucker I tend to be, I don’t actually really hate anything, except maybe Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, I just refuse to carry that shit around with me because it really doesn’t matter enough to affect my mood.
So when I saw this video of Molly Sims, a girl I guess known for being in her bikini a lot, despite her flat ass, I figured it was kinda clever, because making fun of yourself is something I can appreciate so that’s why I’m sharing it with you.
If you’re wondering what’s happened to Molly Sims, I got this exclusive, that she’s been out getting prison raped by random large penised men, and now she can’t seem to manage to stand-up straight, cuz they got her good.
Yeah, I didn’t actually get that exclusive, but I do always wonder why gay men always have such good posture and pursed lips, you know all rigid and put together, when they take it up the ass, I know that my wife stuck her finger in my ass once and I walked with a limp for a week. Sure she’s got fat fingers and I resisted, but you get what I’m saying here, or you don’t.
I guess you’re no even reading this and onto the pictures. I’ve lost my edge. Let’s go skiing.
Molly Sims is some former Bikini Model and actor in the show Las Vegas and she’s usually pretty fucking hot for a 35 year old even though her age is catching up to her in her thighs. I have no idea what she’s doing in these pictures but I see Yoga Pants and the splits and squats so the rest is kind of a blurr to me because I am the kind of guy who you can’t take anywhere, because as a pervert I take everything out of context.
If I am walking buy a group of moms doing Yoga in the park during the summer, the first thing I think about is them doing it naked, on camera for some random Mexican dude they met in the park. Or, when I see middle-aged mom’s and their daughters in matching Yoga pants just walking and shopping in the mall, I think about them doing it naked on camera for some random Mexican dude they met in the mall. The reality is that my taking everyday things out of context and turning all things perverted has been a curse and has prevented me from living a normal life.
What I do know is that if this is the kind of performance she gives her dogs in public, I’d love to see what goes on behind cloed doors, I am not going to go as far as saying she shoves them up her cooch to simulate a reverse pregnancy for fun and to create a stronger bond exercise, or even the played out peanut butter myth, but if she’s doin’ what she’s doin in these pictures but a little more naked and a little more on camera in a lot more positions, those little cocksuckers are pretty fucking lucky and that’s not even taking into account that they get to eat her used tampons or lick her dirty panties or watch her get fucked by whoever she’s fucking or watch her shower all while drinking designer water and eating their doggy Filet Mignon, proving that their little dog life is a hell of a lot better than mine, which isn’t saying much because most stray dogs with rabies and no where to go have a better life than me.
