You’ve probably already seen these pictures of Hayden Panettiere making a disgusted face at Comic Con because she was forced to sit at a booth and meet/sign autographs for fans. What you probably don’t know is that I paid some dude to jerk off in his hand and smear it on her while telling her how much she has changed his masturbation life for the better. I wish that was true, but I am sure it’s not that far from the truth because you know the kind of loser who goes to Comic Con is the kind of loser who is socially awkward, low on friends and has experimented with masturbation in ways that would put your standard jerking off to shame. I am talking homemade sex machines, costumes and complex scenarios only a nerd would understand. I am sure that if Hayden wasn’t using that hand sanitizer, catching a cold would be the least of her worries and pregnancy would be, because I hear nerd sperm is so hungry for real life uterus that shit knows how to makes it’s way up a thigh on its own because of it’s super desperation powers…..

For the record, I think anyone who would wait in line to meet Hayden Panettiere is digusting too.