Nothing says water sport like pissing on some unsuspecting bitch’s face while she suntans on the beach your on than paddlesurfing. You know they mean business when you can surf in a pair of sweatpants.

I have had a long hatred for this Hollywood trend called paddle surfing since I first found out it existed, because it is fucking stupid. If you want to go for a paddle, get a fucking canoe. If you want to go for a surf, put on a fucking wetsuit and surf, this hybrid shit looks fucking stupid, seems boring as shit and is probably the weirdest combination since blacks and asians started having babies. I don’t really know what that means, but it has to do with their genitals just not being able to fit into each other but still getting together, like riding a surfboard fully clothed with a fucking paddle.

What doesn’t confuse me is Kate Hudson’s booty, even when it’s in jogging pants that are crawling up her ass to find gold and by gold I mean poo..

Here’s some big breasted Food Network host named Giada De Laurentiis paddle surfing with her big breasts and a pair of shaping panties that most middle aged women like to squeeze themselves into to make their legs and asses look less sloppy than aging has made them. I am really against this paddle surfing shit, but I am willing to let it slide this time because Giada is an immigrant and immigrants never really know what’s up, they are just trying to fit in.There’s really nothing wrong with trying to fit in other than the fact that the people you are trying to impress are usually useless and only really care about themselves and won’t give you the time of day when you’re no longer the Big Breasted Food Network girl, but compromising yourself for those fleeting minutes of acceptance is okay, especially when it involves you showing off your vagina burger like it’s some kind of new recipe everyone’s gotta try.

Here are some pictures of Brooke Burns Paddle Surfing like so many other celebrity bikini sets I’ve seen the last few months. It’s some new craze that everyone’s jumping on because they don’t realize how fucking Gay it is. This shit is gayer than watching prostate massage porn, and that’s pretty gay, even if the person doing the prostate massage has a vagina. Speaking of vagina, if you look close enough you can see part of her vagina, which should make you happy considering you’ve never really seen a vagina and everytime you watch porn shit’s like seeing pictures of the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot, because you know it exists, you’ve just never tasted it.

Either way, here are those pics of a tall skinny and fit Brook Burns in her bikini.