I admit, I am slow moving today. I was taking a nap, because I am trying to get as much energy as I can to see as many vaginas as I can over the next 4 days. It only comes once a year and I am sure I don’t have all that many more ahead of me, so I might as well milk it for all I can….

Speaking of monsters, here’s a clip of Janice Dickinson, a modern day Frankenstein, calling the paparazzi cockroaches and rats, because I guess she doesn’t like the attention they are giving her when she’s not lookin’ her best or some shit, unless this is her best, in which case, she’s just being a bitch and if I was her, I’d be a bitch too, I mean after spending all that money on surgery then getting this mess of a face that would be worse than that time I bought a stereo system off some crackhead that didn’t work when I got home, or the time a group of us hired a whore to pass around and she fell asleep on us, or died, we weren’t sure, we just know we didn’t ask her pimp for a refund when he came to drag her out of my apartment. True story.

Ok, now I gotta get to my real posts. I hope you’re ready….cuz it’s going to be a life changing day today….or not…I am just trying to hype myself up to get down and do this…when I really just want to go back to bed.

Here are some pictures of Janice Dickinson flashing her underwear and acting like an idiot for the paparazzi a while ago, because she hates them so fucking much, and doesn’t use them to get publicity when it is convenient for her, I guess she’s just a hypocritical cunt.

Kristin Cavallari was out getting stalked by the paparzzi despite not having anything going on in her career. She was the genius who didn’t agree to do The Hills after MTV decided to do a spinoff of the show she starred on called Laguna Beach. I am not sure why she decided against The Hills, maybe she wanted to get her life back, or maybe she thought she had talent that was worthy of getting actual acting roles, instead of playing herself in scripted reality show, but who really cares, especially considering no one really gives a shit about her, we’re too busy hating her “friends” while making them all get richer and richer despite hoping they cancel that smut they are in so Heidi can go back to suckin’ dick in dormrooms where she belongs….

Either way, the paparazzi as her about politics and she gets confused, blows them off and gets into the wrong fucking car, because the paparazzi have the same BMW as she does. Sure, Kristin Cavallari doesn’t fully deserve a BMW of her own, since she’s kinda a joke of a celebrity, but the paparazzi definitely don’t deserve a fucking BMW. That just goes to show you that the prices they try to get me to pay for pictures are way too fuckin’ high, when the immigrant asshole crawling through garbage to get the pics is driving a luxury german automobile.

The whole thing offends me, not because I can’t afford to drive a BMW, but because the paparazzi clearly make enough money as paparazzi to let my site slide for posting their images, because deeper pocket paying the bills for them, while I don’t make money doin’ this shit. It’s like charity work.

The truth is that I am happy not making money and driving my neighbor’s 80′s Hyundai when my wife needs to do errands or go to the doctor, but that’s just because seeing her squeeze into an Asian 4 speed hatchback piece of shit is fucking hysterical and seeing how long it takes her to get out, is one of the great joys in my life.

Charlize Theron gets bambarded by the paparazzi and thinks she looks ridiculous, so she hides behind her mom to protect her and tells us to look at her mom’s legs, well I didn’t really have a chance to do that, because I was too busy lookin’ at her mom’s tits in her cleavage exposing dress, because I figure why go for the unattainable when you can seduce her lonely mother who is secretly jealous of her daughter’s celebrity, because she wishes that when she was in her prime, she had the same kind of attention, and is instead forced to take Charlize’s sloppy seconds, when the real magic that is Charlize came from her vagina, so I am all for going to the source, especially when the source is well past it’s prime, desperate for approval, menopausal and unable to get knocked up, and a minx in bed from all the years of experience, the only challenge is ignoring her grey pubic hair, but that’s always been easy for me, because I am easily distracted by gaping old lady vagina….

The paparazzi is insane. When you see them stalking Conan O’Brien when he’s out reading and having a coffee, you know the internet has made them go too far. Sure, Conan’s got fans, he’s funny, he’s got a following, he’s taking over for Jay Leno and all that shit, so I get why he’s someone in the news or relevant, but he is not the kind of celebrity you need to stalk, go through his garbage, climb his hedges to get bathing suit pictures of, he’s kinda one of those guys who people like to consider on our side, in how he makes fun of the celebrities, interviews them, laughs at them and all that shit, and not actually one of them but instead these creepy dudes, who get excited when they get a shot of his book, which is also fucking crazy because what Conan is reading, wearing, doing is never a huge fucking deal, and they are making it one, because they clearly have nothing else going on in their scummy lives.

Since no one in their right mind would pay for those groundbreaking pictures or Conan Walking, I can only assume this Pap(smear) is new to the job and this is some kind of paparazzi hazing, like one paparazzi makes him think he’s got a huge story, when training him, then when he brings it to the office to get paid, the boss ends up laughing him out of the fuckin’ place, forcing him to eat his cereal with water until the day he finds out that people only care about chick celebrities when they are in bikinis and not dudes who have talk shows walking around in funny jeans.

I hear the paparazzi are staking out the guy who’s in the Sham Wow commercials, they are hoping to get shots of him buying paper towels….oh the scandal that would cause….

Rose McGowan got caught outside someplace waiting for the valet to bring her a car and she was forced to have a conversation with the scum that is the paparazzi. They asked her great questions like how she felt about the election, Palin and OJ getting arrested but the highlight of the clip is the weird little gay guy who tells her how he likes her style, because you know that dude is running after a failed dream and moved to L.A. in hopes of landing a luxurious career as a fashion photographer or something a little more rewarding than sifting through the trash, and that’s his broken down self-esteem tapping into a passion he once had. Sure, he probably goes home at night hoping one of his pictures ends up in a glossy magazine, and when it does he feels a sense of accomplishment, but not the sense of accomplishment he wanted for himself. You know, shooting high profile campaigns and shit like that, but forced to take the bottom feeding route to pay off his student loans for his photography degree. Either way, she was pretty fucking nice to them, if I was in her place I’d be throwing my feces at them, and I guess that’s why I am posting this video, because not everyone in Hollywood is a vapid, materialistic cunt.

Here are some pictures taken while this video was shot and she is wearing fishnets she stole from the Marilyn Manson break-up. True Story.

I came across this video of Lauren Conrad leaving a club and the paparazzi is a really nice guy. He calls her sweety and he tells her to be safe about 50 fuckin’ times like he is legitimately worried the paparazzi are going to Princess Diana her, except for the fact that no one gives enough of a fuck about her to run her off the road and into a cement wall. Maybe the dude was making reference to the sex she is going to be getting from the coat tail celebrity riding dude in the video, and the paparazzi doesn’t want her to get STDs or pregnant.

Speaking of unprotected sex, I wanted to message a friend of mine who knocked up a girl a couple weeks ago and who has been fighting with her to get an abortion and who actually won the battle yesterday, something nice. So I congratulated him on his abortion by asking if it turned him on. The problem is that I accidentally sent the message to a random hot girl, who like all girls older than 21, has probably had an abortion and she went nuts. It’s like shit struck a nerve, she got defensive, asked who told me about it and now thinks everyone knows she’s a fetus killer. I told her that the message was meant for someone else, and she wasn’t having it. Now she’s probably going to off herself because of the shame. Oh, the fun that is the internet.

Who fucking, knows, but I think this is the kind of game that made Britney Spears fall in love with her very own sweet talkin’ charmer of a paparazzi and again, who really gives a fuck.

Lohan punched a paparazzi in the face and everyone is making a big deal out of the shit. They don’t realize that she didn’t do it because she hates the paparazzi because they are invading her personal space or tripping her at events by cluttering her, she actually likes the paparazzi and considers them her friends and a huge part of her marketing campaign that’s why she always tips them off as to where she is going to be. She did it because she’s a fucking lesbian now, or at least pretending to be a lesbian, and she just finished reading the chapter on hating all things with a dick and doing everything you can to destroy all things with a dick in her lesbian training manual. She she’s just trying to stand her tough guy stance and she’s doing it by straight punches to faces. It’s nice to see that lesbianism hasn’t made her an angry little rat of a person, and that she’s finally at peace now that she’s found herself. I figure all she needs is a good dickin’, like some seriously hardcore fuckin sex to bring her back to that calm, drug addicted Lohan we all loved. I am sure you can relate to the frustration she’s feeling, considering you’ve spent the last couple of years trying to find ways to masturbate that simulates the sex you once had, knowing all the while that it just doesn’t feel the same as doing the real deal. I give Lohan a few more fights before she finally caves in and goes back to cock while Ronson stands on the sidelines upset that her firm controlling grip got loose….

Either way, I hope I get invited to the wedding.

I am a little slow on shit but I did see this yesterday, I just wanted to think things over before throwing it up with some generic commentary, but realized that I completely forgot about it the second I walked away from the computer and I accepted the fact that all I know is generic commentary. Sucks to be me….

So this is a video of Kanye West attacking a paparazzi who is taking pictures of him and that’s is some serious pussy shit, not the kind of pussy shit I find in my wife’s underwear but the kind of pussy shit that makes me wonder if this bitch has a penis or not on his 5 foot 7 little man syndrome body and not because I have gay fantasies but because he’s tough guying a fuckin’ immigrant with a camera.

Sure the paparazzi are annoying as hell, I’d get pissed off at them too, I wouldn’t try to break their cameras, I would just follow them home and and rape their wives or kidnap their kids or something. Because if I am going to get arrested, I am going to do it in a way that I get to keep any dignity I might have but breaking a real law and none of this vandalism shit. I guess Kanye should just wishes he could run back home to his mom in their middle class, educated, zero street credibility life where the paparazzi don’t bother him, but he can’t cuz his momma’s dead.

Either way, here’s some Pink Giving the Finger Cuz She’s More Hardcore and has more Cred than this Kanye West Bitch of the Day…

Seeing Sienna Miller hiding from the paparazzi because she doesn’t like the press she’s getting for being a homewrecking slut and is ashamed of herself for being a homewrecking slut, but not ashamed enough to pursue a married man by throwing her drunk desperate vagina at him when they were working together, reminds me a lot of my sex life. Not because it involves these Hollywood stories of passion, but because everytime I ever woke up with a hard on next to a girl I brought home with me after a night of hard drinking, who I’d wake up by trying to shove my dick inside her ass and my fingers inside her mouth would scream, jump out of bed, run to the corner of the room in the fetal postion while covering her face and shaking in fear, but all those games never stopped me, sure maybe it wasn’t role playing, but if I told myself at the time I’d have to come to terms with the fact that I actually raped them and I slept a lot easier thinking that it was just an act on their part.

Here’s something I didn’t think was physically possible, Hayden “the tank” Panettiere got knocked the fuck down by the paparazzi and I was a little surprised considering bitch is built like a fucking tank. Then again, I also never expected a little airplane crash to take down a the World Trade Center, a building designed to withstand that sort of impact, so I guess I’m not much of a physicist. The good news is that Hayden is fine, but the little kid she landed on died shortly after arriving to the hospital. The official release said that the girl got hit by a fucking train while playing hopscotch on the tracks, but I think they are just spinning the story because Hayden’s PR people don’t want her to look like some kind of murderer since that kind of publicity has a tendency to ruin careers.

These are the fuckers I am up against and I am really not all that worried about taking each and everyone of them out. I am not threatening to kill them or anything psycho, cuz the photographers are not my enemy, it’s the people who they are working for who I don’t like. I figure the best way to ruin the paparazzi agency is to start up some kind of union to protect the workers rights as paparazzi photographers. I figure they are freelance, don’t have medical insurance and work long hours for shitty pay while making the same fuckers who run after me rich by giving them the rights to sell their photos. I know you don’t give a fuck about this quest to take these fuckers down, but I do know that I messaged Kim Kardashian awhile ago to help me take out these fuckers and it looks like she’s partnered up with someone else to do it because no one likes me.

At least she’s found a use for the cheap video camera skills that got her famous in the first place. This could be a glimpse into the future of Kim Kardashian when her 5 minutes of fame have dried up and the only person left caring about her is herself. That way she can feel like people still think she’s relevant by being her own paparazzi. I don’t know if she’ll be too good at running after herself without running out of breath and passing out from her emotional eating obesity, but it would be funny to watch her try to jump over a fence to get an exclusive picture of herself in her backyard, but that’s just cuz it’s always fun watching a fat guy struggle….

On a side note, it looks like she’s got some hip hop bling around her neck, and I guess her future also involves dating and getting knocked up by rappers (not rapists) and pro athletes….she’s got a fat ass like that.

I can only assume that Jessica Biel is taking pictures of the one paparazzi that Splash or x17 or TMZ sent to cover the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story to prove to her friends and family back home that people actually do follow her around and care about her existence, she’s not just making the whole thing up like she is with her “vagina”. I think it’s time for her to just give up her act and make a video of Justin doing his choreographed dance while singing in his high pitched voice while her huge cock plays the microphone.

What we don’t see in these pictures, is that the paparazzi that was sent to the exciting Jessica Biel getting out of her car story wasn’t actually the paparazzi at all, but the immigrant Janitor who was forced to take the CEO’s kid out to the dentist because he forgot to empty the trash the day before and this was his punishment. The boss is too busy raping all of the celebrity blogs up the ass to be an involved parent and figured why not give them a camera, just in case they run into someone who may be famous and by famous I mean fucking Justin Timberlake, because other than her shitty Adam Sandler movie she hasn’t been too busy since Seventh Heaven fired her for being a whore in Details magazine. I wonder what her preacher father thinks of her and her homosexual relationship now, but I bet he’s not very tolerant.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I hate when celebs or people who think they are celebs because they were on a TV show a long time ago because they had big tits and decided to stay in LA hoping someone throws some table scraps of a job their way, take pictures of the paparazzi. I would rather they do something a little more crafty, like make Christmas Ornaments, or pullin’ out her dick and pissing on them, kinda like Hayden Panettiere does every time no one’s watchin’ and doesn’t have to pee sitting down pretending she’s a lady. I told you I’d mention her in every post today and I am a man of my word.