I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….

I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins – so I decided to reach out to him…

Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…

When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.

The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home

I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.

When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.

So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….

UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.

If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.

It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.

I don’t find Jenna Jameson hot at all. I know she’s a dirty washed up porn slut who everyone gives credit to for being such a great business woman in writing books, producing porn, selling molds of her cunt and doing whatever else she does to make money, but when I look at her I just see a whore and I have never really had anything against whores, I’d pay them for sex and shit, but I never wanted to make them my girlfriend and when I could jerk off I’d never jerk off to them, because the thought of being so dirty and loose in the hips, always made me more sick to my stomach than anything else.

I am not trying to say that I would only prey on virgins, but there was a time when I’d meet girls in bars and we’d get to talking and they’d tell me how many dude’s they had banged in their lifetime and I’d take the drink I bought them out of their hand and dump it out on the floor, because it’s easy for a bitch to get cock, all they have to do is leave the house and when a bitch gets as much cock as someone like Jenna, they have emotional issues. In her case, I get that it’s her job, but it’s not a very hard job to get in and being successful at what she does is a lot easier than getting that promotion at the shitty office you work at. If the world worked like a porn movie, the richest people in the world would be the ones who can take the most dicks in their ass, and that is why I have no respect for this talentless prostitute.

I knew this stripper who I’d run into on the street and shit, outside the club and working hours. She was always with a different guy. When I asked her where she met all these dudes, she would say at work or at clubs. I would ask why she hangs with them and she’d say because they buy me stuff, they take me on vacation and take me to nice restaurants. When I told her that she was a whore because she made it clear that she would bang them, she said something like it’s not like they pay me in cash. Point being that money hungry bitches who know that loser dudes pay for their company and use their pussies to get ahead are trash.

Either way, I figured I’d post pictures of her partying to remind you that disgusting sluts are out there and people like you like them

If you were sitting at home last night wondering where Kim Kardashian was out partying last night, you have serious fucking issues. Unfortunately, I know where she was partying last night because I guess I have serious fucking issues. It would seem like I actually care about this Armenian fashion accessory who is trying to make it on her own by breaking free from her criminal mentor while she is in Jail to develop her own career as a useless slut, but at least she’s doing it with tits. But I don’t. Having the best site on the internet that no one reads means I get shit emailed to me.

I am not sure who she’s out with, but it looks like her sister, or maybe bitch is like Sadam and has a group of 10 look-a-likes so that she can be in 11 places at the same time, and they are just meeting up not to exchange notes on where the stand in Kardashian’s gotta go. I am bad when it comes to ethnic people, I am not talking black or white or hispanic, I am talking middle eastern and asian, motherfuckers all look the fucking same.

We have all seen Kardashian get fucked, now we can see her text message friends which is eventually going to become the new porno because everytime I go out that seems to be what everyone in the place is doing. It’s like there was a time when girls would dance, and get drunk and talk to you, but now there are just groups of people at tables text messaging people who aren’t there making the party feel like a gamers convention at the 24 hour internet cafe. I predict that Girls Gone Wild 2010 is going to be a whole lot of naughty text messaging parties and instead of watching girls flash their tits to the camera, they’ll flash their text messages so that we can read all the sexy drunk talk that’s going down.

I am not even going to talk about her fat arms, because I am fat, and who really fucking cares if she has fat arms other than her. I know that her thickness wouldn’t stop you from slammin her, and by slammin I mean jerkin off to her sex tape because you like nature channel shit with haggard tranny pornstar lookin’ chicks in them.

Pictures Via thecobrasnake

So I wrote a bit about my night at the shitty high end club with people who think they are high end because they have rich parents or good jobs and don’t mind spending 1000 dollars a night on bottles of Grey Goose for their friends and women who like to hang out with guys who spend 1000 dollars a night on booze because they to drink for free in what they think is a classy place because it costs 10 dollars a drink. What they don’t realize is that the staff and patrons of the bar and the music they go crazy for is all shit and none of them have a fucking clue.

The big disappointment of the night was when a girl in a really short skirt was dancing on stage with her ass hanging out and I thought I was recording it but turned out I wasn’t. I had 3 minutes of bitch’s ass cheeks bouncing up and down…but drinking made me forget to record…..Motherfucker.

Bonus – This Girl Made Me Delete a Picture of Her and I Hate When People Tell Me What To Do, So I Decided to Snap Some Pics of Her to Post on the Site as Punishment for Her Being So Rude to Me….I just made you famous bitch….

I was sent this pictures from someone claiming they were of Lohan wasted Sunday night at LAX where she was drinking right out of the bottle with her lesbian cock Samantha Ronson . I am not 100 percent if these pictures were taken on Sunday night, because I can’t tell the fucking difference between all these Lohan partying pics it’s like it’s her fulltime job and she pretty much looks the same in all of them, which is not naked enough for me.

I used to go out drinking in bars every day of the week, you get caught up in it because you get drunk and drunk is fun and when you wake up the next day destroyed the only cure is to start drinking again. It comes to a point where you only feel normal when there is booze in your system and that can’t be a healthy thing.

I remember not being able to go to the post office or to a coffee shop without having had a drink because it takes the edge off, it took me at least 2 years of trying to pull of menial chores in public sober and I am not getting preachy here, I am just saying that this shit will catch up with Lohan in the next few years and bitch is going to be fucking damaged. She already looks like she’s in her mid 20s which may be a good thing when you get carded at clubs since she is underage, but when she is in her mid 20s she’s going to look 40…and her liver and vagina will be shot….

I’m just saying, I am not the healthiest fuck but if I could change anything about my life it would be that I took up jogging instead of hard drinking, even though it’d be a lot less fun for you assholes….but I’d be so jacked on endorphines, I wouldn’t give a fuck what you people think….

Britney performed in Florida and I read somewhere that her CD she was lip syncing to skipped and she turned her back to the crowd and re-cooped. It’s not all that much of a surprise, her entire career has been built on lip syncing and people aren’t watching her perform to listen to her amazing songs, they are listening because she was a young tight thing who moved better than most strippers because she had a choreographer and budget. It was like a big scale stage show without the nipples/vagina shots/lap dances/ signed posters/ etc.

Here are some pics of Britney wearing a bikini at a club, partying after her show in Florida.

I could probably write more and actually try to change your life, but I am uninspired….

I emailed DJ AM a while ago because I heard he was playing in Montreal. He never emailed me back. I asked him for guestlist because I figured we were friends, you know with me always speaking so highly of him and shit, but I was wrong. The motherfucker never emailed me back, he never put me on the list and I was forced to go through one of my stepdaughter’s friends to get in because DJ AM is a fucking cocksucker.

I got to the event and it was filled with so many fucking chachi pieces of shit. I felt like it was a Diesel Jeans sample sale and every Italian and his cousin came out to get a deal. AM came in with 4 bodyguards because he feels like he is more important than he really is and this is a video of him and one of his boyfriends trying to fix his DJ set up. I knew when I saw them that their relationship consisted of more than just fixing DJ equipment but this was as close as I got to the asshole giving the dude with the flashlight a rim job…

I left after 10 minutes because there is only so much overpaid Bar Mitvah DJing that I can handle and I heard dude made 6,000 dollars to play for all these fucking losers, and that probably means that this fucker is overpaid and that even though this video won’t make me 6,000 dollars, at least I go to bed knowing that I didn’t get to the top by sticking my lame penis up in Nicole Richie’s 90 pound cooch, not that I wouldn’t, but I just didn’t.

I may be drunk and this may be a drunk edit, but I think if you focus on the video, you can tell that DJ AM is a popstar that is Gayer than Bicycle shorts. The way this cocksucker handles his vinyl will make any queer dream of him diddling their anus….That means you….Homo… Cuddles…

PS – DJ AM, Next Time You Should Put Me On the Guestlist. Asshole.

Is my site Spamming you with popups? I am trying a new advertiser because I need to pay for servers and I have got 5 complaints. If it is happening to enough of you I will take them down ASAP because I fucking hate spammy fucking popups more than you do and even thought I don’t give a fuck about your user experience because I hate you, I do not want that shit polluting my internet home…Trust me.

Speaking of SPAM, here are some more pictures of Lohan doing blow from that video taken in the bathroom….

Here are some pictures of bitch sketching out on her nails. I am not an expert but all the crackwhores I knew used to do this shit when they were either coming off or jonesing more crystal/crack/cocaine/heroin…I’m just sayin…

Here she is partying with L.A. Hipster DJ Steve Aoki in NYC…For those of you who don’t know, Aoki is the asshole who didn’t put DrunkenStepfather on his guestlist when he came to play in Canada with that dude from That 70′s Show…

This bitch is slowly starting to look like Chris Farley before he died of a cocaine overdose. She’s bloated as fuck and her face is hanging off. Her eyes have fucked up yellow bags under them and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I have slept with crack whores and I know what to look for. I am just hoping this bitch doesn’t die, because I’d have no one else to stalk…

I was walking down the street today and some drunken homeless guy who looked like Lohan was sitting on a city bench screaming for change from people passing by. He even asked me and I looked more homeless than he did. I think it was because he was wearing some kind of old man hat that made him look like a detective while I was just in my regular jogging pants. Anyway, all motherfucker did was sit there and yell and everyone who walked by him and obviously no one was giving him shit. So I took the asshole aside and told him that if he wanted to make some money, all he needed was some kind of act, whether it be a song or a dance or juggling or anything. If people saw him trying, they’d be more inclined to give him cash. The asshole just spat in my face and I am sure gave me some kind of Hepatitis like I was Pam Anderson, but when I walked by him an hour later, he seemed to take my advice. A group of highschool girls were walking by him and he fully dropped his pants and started jerking off for them. They ran away screaming and even though I thought he went a little too far, I was happy to see him make an effort. I think I felt the joy a teacher experiences when their troubled student graduates highschool. or what a coach feels when his weakest player makes his first goal. It was pretty fucking nice…Unlike these pics of Lohan looking haggard and on the verge of death…But I would still K-Fed her if I was cool enough to be her back-up dancer….

So I posted about some Girls Gone Wild bitch who claimed she was a virgin and that Joe Francis raped her a long time ago. The post can be found HERE , ignore all the spam in my comments…it happens.

Anyway, I was checking my email and I got some inside scoop on the slut that I felt like I needed to post. I can only assume it’s her friend trying to get more buzz going about her in hopes of landing a porn video gig or a penthouse magazine spread, but I’ll still post it because I never get any scoop and when I do, it makes me feel like a real media company….and sometimes pretending you’re not a waste of internet space is a good thing….

So, I just recently came across an article in the L.A. times about Jannel Syzyska, and about how Joe Francis “raped her”.

I used to be pretty good friends with Jannel, (in the early pre-whore days – seventh grade to be exact.) but when an unfortunate incident involving her and her friend Kaitlyn stealing my underwear occurred, we lost touch, so to say.

Then last year, one of my friends became close friends with Jannel, and I started showing up to parties that she happened to be at and so on..

So Jannel and I got kind of close again, and she revealed to me everything about her, one tidbit being that she had lost her virginity in April to some guy she doesn’t even remember. And she revealed that she did not want to have sex with anybody for a long time because of the fact that she had had sex with quite a few guys since then…

So when I finally did come across this yesterday, I was shocked. I’ve lost touch with her since the beginning of last June.. but in November of last year I had seen her a few times through a mutual friend.. and she had told me that she “went on girls gone wild and masturbated for the camera.” However, she said that she had HAD SEX with Joe Francis, not that he “raped her.”

I know I’m quite late on a story like this.. but I figured I would set the record straight (as if it hadn’t been set straight enough) that she did have sex with him, he did not rape her, and she was not a virgin.

I had no idea that she was all over the internet with her “rape story” or I would have definitely set that straight sooner.

Yes, Joe Francis isn’t the epitomy of class and charm.. but I’m sure he has the opportunity to have sex with much better looking girls without forcing them. So why he would even force sex onto someone like Jannel is baffling.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write you this e-mail when it was so long ago, and you probably won’t read or respond really, but that enrages me that she would seek fame that much to make up stories.

Thanks for your time and sorry to rant, but I just had to.

All that to say…who really gives a fuck…Cuddles.

I am a bad celebrity blogger. I just woke up hungover and don’t remember what happened last night. I just checked my email and someone got their hands on the screenshots of Lohan doing blow video and I didn’t care. I am not 100 percent sure how this isn’t staged, because everyone knows that if you’re famous and doing blow on camera it is going to get out on the internet and millions of people will see it. But who knows, maybe the bitch isn’t trying to stage things for her popularity. Cocaine is cool now, it’s like smoking. Everytime I go to a bar and need to take a shit, I am stuck waiting in line for 10 minutes while 3 or 4 guys go in the stall together. As much as I like to think it was some homo bathroom stall anal sex conference, because I am convinced all chachi motherfuckers are faggots, it’s really just time for them to prove how cool and trendy and in style they are amongst friends, huddled around a bag.

I don’t feel like ripping off the pictures from a message board and uploading the shit. I don’t feel like reading up on what is said during the video, I do know that it will be hitting sometime this week and this is just the PR screenshot teaser to get you all excited about the video to come. It’s pretty basic marketing practices…

Read the whole story and see all the screenshots Here (if you care)

Thanks to facebook groups, I realized that the event everyone was freaking out about Lohan being in her bra and cocaine being found in the VIP room at the Twin Palms Estate last weekend was organized by a club I can’t get into because I don’t wash. To see the pictures I am talking about CLICK THIS LINK.

These pictures of Lohan were put up in their group today and I figured I’d post them because I didn’t see them anywhere else. The event was called Music Loves Fashion and Steve Aoki and some dude named DJ Skeet Skeet were DJing. From the pics Paris Hilton and Lohan were both getting down and dirty, but that’s to be expected because they are party sluts….

I used to go to clubs and get drunk and be an asshole to people I knew. Maybe it was because they were landing hot girls and I was getting kicked out for passing out on the bathroom floor, but in my drunken stupor, I used to go around and tell girls my friends were trying to sleep with that my friend had Aids, they would get pissed off at me, but still go home with them, but would make them wear a condom

The next day I’d get the call saying how much of an asshole I was for fucking up their chances to have raw dog sex and I’d just say that I am a modern day superman because any bitch who goes home with a guy you tell her has AIDS is probably not the kind of girl you want to end up fucking without a condom….

Point of the story is that I save fucking lives and here are pics of Lohan destroying hers….I guess I coulda gone with the whole Paris and Lohan being the kind of girl you would end up baggin without a condom only to beat yourself up the next day for doing it and getting tested monthly for the next 3 years because of it, but I guess that woulda been too obvious for me to do…

PS – Since every blogger steals exclusive pics, I figured I’d watermark it my way, with a solid cumshot on every fuckin’ pic….admit it’s amazing.