Jessica Simpson and I have a very one-sided relationship. She posts shit on twitter. I write back. She doesn’t answer. Which is really nothing I’m not used to. I figured a huge percentage of the girls I have come across in my life have ignored me but that never stopped me from following them home, climbing up their fire escape and jerking off to them sleeping.

Here she is showing off some tit in concert, because when tits are all you have going for you, you better rock a low-cut shirt every chance you get, because tits are like some optical illusion that make us think you’ve got a purpose, at least one deeper rooted than being your father’s personal little fuckslut he made with his own cum and brought-up his own fuckin’ way, training her from a young age all the little tricks he likes. You know how it is.

Now – Let’s send this link to Jessica Simpson over twitter, and see if she blocks me.