Not much hotter than seeing a fat pig of a woman buying 3 cartons of cigarettes, you know to smoke while sitting on her fat ass, thinking about the baby she could have had before having it aborted because it had fetal alcohol poisoning and was going to end up a flipper…..

Except seeing that fat pig of a woman buying In and Out Burger. She’s really living the good life, at least to the homeless people I know, like the guy who claimed he had a radio show out of town, and was just visiting for the night, but got mugged and is missing 20 dollars for a ticket home, and despite being in a stained jacket, unshaven and insane, felt really humiliated trying to beg for money for cigarettes and food, that dude would kill to be Lily Allen in these pictures.

You know when you park outside the ice cream shop in the beginning of summer, on a hot summer day, before the hot teen girls head off to camp, and watch them eat their ice cream, slowly licking it and sucking it and watching it drip down their chin, you know playing that shit over and over in slow motion in your head for the next couple of days, or until you muster up the energy and courage to get back there to watch it all over again, because you’re scared they’ll catch onto your dirty little secret, well, seeing Kim Kardashian trying to be sexy with a lollipop almost ruins that for me. She is a fucking pig.

I’ve written about this UK socialite slag before. She’s Bob Gedof’s 19 year old daughter, her half sister is that INXS dude who hung himself jerking off’s daughter. She’s a typical rich girl who craves attention by pulling stupid stunts, like getting married in August and proving her love with his named tattooed on her hand, only to announce last week that they are splitting up, or for being a partying drug addict slut to feed the pain that is having unstable parents who were too busy caring about themselves than to care about her, or because of whatever it is that motivates these rich kids to get high and cause scenes.

I hear that seeing her topless on the beach is not that big a deal as she’s always naked amongst friends, which is a great tragedy, because she’s fat. You’d think all that coke would do some good for her, or all that money could hire her dumpy ass a fuckin personal trainer instead of a tattoo artist to stain her sloppy body she thinks she’s turning into a piece of art, but that is more reminiscent of a bathroom stall at a shady bar that even I’m scared to touch or pee in for fear of disease.

Anyone who thinks this pig has a hot body, is probably stupid enough to buy her fucking records or download her tunes off iTunes, and thanks to you, you made her rich and famous, because when I look at this shit, and I mean actual fucking feces, of a girl, I have no choice but to wonder what is wrong with our world to let this happen. Seriously, when I found out about genocide and dying Aids babies and corrupt government, and companies ripping us off, and the economic crisis and innocent people getting raped and murdered and all the wars that have gone down and pretty much everything else inhumane that is actually totally human about the world, I wasn’t even close to as shocked as I am seeing these pictures of her and being forced to remind myself that she’s one of the biggest things in music today, even though her songs rape me every fucking day and her bikini top looks like it’s a New Orleans Levi before right around the time Katrina hit, seriously, if she drops that top and those DD’s can kill a small child or Verne Troyer if they were standing next to her. It’s too bad she can’t take some of that loose titty skin and put it in her bikini bottoms, cuz her ass is as useless as her….

That said, I’d totally fuck her without a condom because everything I’ve fucked to date has looked a lot worse than this and I guess that says a lot about me and why I hate my fucking life…so here is Katy Perry in my hometown of Mexico.

I don’t know what the deal with Katherine Heigl is, she is a cunt and she’s not even attractive enough to justify being a cunt. She is however attractive enough to sell me hardware supplies because she’s built like she can carry fuckin’ lumber, but unfortunately she’s too much of a cunt to follow her destiny at the hardware store and managed to work her way into lives of people everywhere through our TVs because TVs are like our family members who don’t get drunk and naked at parties like our other family memebers. Either way, last week this Heigl bitch turned down applying to be nominated for an Emmy, because she knew she wouldn’t get nominated and didn’t want that stain on her career.

It’s a lot like these whores a dude I know tried to hire the other night. He was determined to get a lesbian show and had no interest on fucking the girls or letting the girls fuck him because he just wanted to show his friends a good time. He has a lot more money than any of my other friends, so he calls up these whores from some agency and they come over. When they walk in the door, they see a group of perverts standing around and get fuckin’ stage fright or someshit. They ask the dude paying what he wants them to do, and he tells them he wants a lesbian show. One of them panics and asks if anyone in the room wants full service when they are done the lesbian show and dude says that he just wants the lesbian show. The other one freaks out saying she doesn’t do lesbian shows and my friend asks what the difference between fucking multiple strangers all night and licking your friend’s pussy is and she just said she was on the rag and ran out of the apartment. You know every