I am posting these pictures of Bridget Marquardt because despite the fake tits, the crows feet and the fact that she’s a whore who was in Playboy and fucked an old man to further her career, she’s still dressed like she’s in preschool about to go finger paint in her little smock and I know how much you like that.

Jayde Nicole is from Canada, she’s also a fake titty whore who was Playmate of the year at one point in her career, making her really live up to the cheesy Ed Hardy wearing 9 to 5 millionaire her poor ass wanted to be, back when she lived with her single mother who worked at a diner, suckin’ dick on the side to get by, only to turn around and teach her daughter what is really important in life by encouraging her to be a high class escort because the perks that come with that mean a good life, and really these poor wallet fuckers are proud of where they are right now.

I’ve seen her in person once or twice and she looks like a little worthless slag and I am sure if she was in a bar next to you, you’d only look twice because of the cleavage, she’s one of those thinks she’s better lookin than she is kinda girl, which always gets in the way of me getting them masturbating on video because they think they are too good for me, but they aren’t too good for Playboy, that shit’s like the Holy Grail to them. Word.

Who the fuck is Olivia Munn again? Oh right she’s that annoying pawn that G4 TV used to be the cool and crazy techy girl who is well versed in nerd interests and activity and news in order to trick the target market into thinking that hot chicks actually care about the same shit they care about.

Well I guess she did Playboy and this is the cover…I have a feeling she didn’t get naked….That would make her nerds hate her….

Here’s her stupid reveal party for her nerds….

I guess Playboy is struggling and in efforts to keep their advertisers coming back – they decided to get two of their hookers to eat a Quiznos sub erotically in their lingerie. I guess they are hoping the power of media will make people who watch it, get hungry and run out to the closest Quiznos to re-enact this performance on their desk at work, until the boss has to fire them, because men in women’s lingerie, sucking off a sandwich is inappropriate office behavior.

The whole thing is shameless, obvious and I am posting it because some of you like to jerk off to women and food, when I try to avoid that shit, because food is what killed my wife or at least her sex appeal.

Hugh Hefner treats his whores pretty fucking well. He takes them to events and gives them careers and pays them huge money. He probably has benefits and pension plans and the only thing shitty in the whole thing is that they have to fuck an 85 year old who in reality is a trophy for their kind, because he pretty much invented fake blonde hair and fake tits, and has a lot more money and power than the scummy blue collar dudes they used to fuck back home after work at the local chicken joint.

When I get whores, I just cum on their faces for an extra 5 dollars, if I am not making them lick my bleeding hemorrhoid asshole, to test if they are desperate enough….

I guess we all can’t be as classy as me.

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Lisa Rinna did Playboy. These are the pictures. In the event you wanted to see how she maintained her pubic hair. Even if unsure whether anything in this picture is real, it’s still better than jerking off to the Real Doll website using your rubber vagina, because the rumor is that Rinna’s rubber vagina is actually self-lubricating…

I didn’t host the pics because Playboy isn’t a fan of people doin’ that, but if they hate people posting their content, they should probably keep a closer watch on their shit. Maybe not let their employees have access to email. It’s not like I hacked into their computer to find these, or that I ever would, in fact, I think casting Rinna to do Playboy is a huge fucking mistake, she’s totally irrelevant, sure, I’m down with seeing EVERYONE naked, but if I was a big company, I’d try to go for up and coming stars or people that we actually want to see naked.

That said if I get sued over Lisa Rinna, even though I just embedded some images, that would probably be the biggest proof that I am low fucking grade.

Either way look at the pics and thanks to my good friends at Totallycrap.com for posting these 5 days ago and not bothering sending me an email to let me know about it.

Her name is Sara Underwood, she’s some Playboy playmate of the year chick who I’ve never heard of because Playboy isn’t spread eagled enough for me. She was hosting some party in Vegas, and she had her period bloat on. Not that that would stop me, I mean sex on your period is awesome, it’s the only way you can turn your bed into some kind of murder scene lookin’ shit, that won’t get you arressted, I mean unless you use pig’s blood or something, but it doesn’t really have the same effect.

Everyone says that I am too negative in my posts, that all I do is hate on shit, and that it’s easy to hate on shit, especailly when you do nothing with your life, but maybe I should consider being more encouraging and respectable, because it’s not like I am better than these people, so here’s my attempt at being positive.

Aubrey O’Day is great, she’s really a lot more successful than she ever thought she would be, and all it took was a confidence in herself that didn’t kill her spirits everytime guys just asked her to show some more cleavage, when people had no interest in what she had to say or what she had to offer the world, she took command of that and made it work for her and due to that talent and drive, she got a prestigious cameo in some straight to DVD movie called American High, something far more amazing than webcam videos for random guys for 3 dollars a minute. Good job girl. You look great.

I tried.

It’s always nice to see long lost lovers reunited for the sake of making money, you know the same motivation for their fake publicity stunt relationship. So as Bridget launches her Sexiest Beach TV show, one of those original concepts you’ve never seen before, but I am not hating on it, because I like beaches and bikinis and figure you can never have too much of them, Hefner and Kendra came out to support, why?? because they are all gettin’ paid.

Here’s a video of Aubrey O’Day shooting her Playboy cover shoot because I figure since she’s obsessively talking about the shit like a 35 year old who finally lost his virginity to an actual girl talks to his friends on Second Life. Sure, it’s enough already but people find her hot and I like the fact that she’s an insecure girl who aspired to be in Playboy but always felt inadequate so that’s why she’s so proud of this accomplishment that I can’t see being a fucking accomplishment but maybe that’s because I am not a whore of a girl, and need the bunny tattoo on my pelvis to really grasp how big of a deal this is.

When I was growing up I had a poor friend. Dude wasn’t as poor as my family back in Mexico, but he was fucking poor compared to everyone else in my school. He would wear the same jogging suit, he would always smell, he was always greasy and had muddy hands, he was skinny and grey, had black teeth and chain smoked and was only 12. I remember he’d never have school lunches, he’d always beg for my bologna sandwiches and he was fucking angry and annoying as shit.

One day he came to school with a paperbag that was filled with candy. I am talking a paper bag filled with fucking candy and dude carried that thing around like it his life depended on it. No other kids asked for any candy because they were disgusted by him, but he still got nervous if you got close to it as if it would disappear and he’d never get to eat it. By the end of the week, shit was getting tired, the bag was ripped and falling apart, but everywhere he went that fucking bag went with him.

Aubrey O’Day reminds me of that kid. You know going everywhere with her Playboy cover because it’s all she has going for her. She’s beating that shit like a dead horse, or even like a retarded kid who got a trophy for participating in Track and Field who just won’t let it go because he’s retarded and feels so fucking honored and special, despite everyone in the class getting the same fucking trophy. If you know what I mean.

I guess the good news is that she’s doin’ it all with some crazy cleavage and I couldn’t ask for much more from a slut, except for maybe a porn tape, but I’m sure that’s on it’s way….

Here she is talking about herself on Chelsea Lately…

I haven’t bothered to check if these were posted anywhere else, but since the magazine is in stands it’s not really a leak or an exclusive, it just saves you 10 dollars and/or a lot of embarrassment of getting caught pulling a whack in the back of a magazine store…jack. Posting them today means we have til Monday before the asshole’s at Playboy, who email me constantly asking me to link to their shit for free, come knocking at my door saying that I breached some sort of copyright law by posting this shit when I just like to think I’m helpin’ sell magazines cuz these scans are fucking shit.

The point of this is to say that we all know you’re lookin’ for lonely desperate girls snd there’s only one place that will be a hot spot for that tonight and that’s at every movie theater playing “He’s Just Not That Into You”. So get up there now and start working your magic on bitter 20 somethings who’ve had a tough run and are alone this very magical day of love and lies.

Don’t tell me I don’t give you good advice. Happy Valentines Day you fucking queers.

These Aubrey O’Day pictures have been doing the rounds the past couple of days. I was waiting for the spread pussy shots that you’d expect from her to hit before posting her Playboy cover, you know to give you something you can actually appreciate, because seeing a whore in Playboy, not naked is a fucking annoyance. You know she gets fucked by black cock every fucking night, you know she lets her dog crawl into her tattered womb, you know she got kicked out of her girl band bullshit and desperate to get attention and you know the concept behind doing Playboy to get ahead was a commendable one, you know like a med student who becomes a Gogo dancer at a club, you know the girl who dresses in booty shorts and dances on stage to set the mood, when we all know she should be getting naked and giving lap dances and letting strangers grab her for 10 dollars a song, meaning, that despite making the right moves as a slut doesn’t always mean having the right outcome.

What I am trying to say is…Let’s see some labia even if it’s photoshopped to look worth fucking, kinda like she was in these Playboy pictures.

The highlight of my week was talking to a girl about how she lets her boyfriend cum inside her, because she was 18 and 18 is awesome. The highlight of your week will be these pictures of Carmen Electra that I will be asked to take down in a couple of hours, so take it in motherfuckers, or get to your newstand and buy the issue, like that’ll ever fucking happen when you can find it on the internet for free…..I don’t really understand why magazines still exist, but I do understand why Carmen’s taking her 40 year old body back to Playboy and that’s because it looks pretty fucking alright.

Here’s the girl who was reported to being Hef’s new love interest, the one who broke up his union with the three other whores, because their 5 year contract had expired and he needed a new poster girl for the brand, or whatever the fuck the thinking behind the insanity that is Hef and his Playboy empire, that really isn’t insanity at all, unless you consider old fucks fucking insane, I just find it funny, like the time I jerked off using a soft wrinked cold dead bed sheet.

There’s no real science behind this shit, he finds whores willing to get naked and decides to date them, because it’s better than the other women at the old folks community, he pays them off, they perform for him and his business and it’s all a write off on his taxes as a business expense, which is a lot less expensive than real life relationships.

They went to an event recently, she took off her panties in her see-through dress, which is fitting considering what she does for her livlihood and despite it being hot in theory, I’d hate to have my wife doing this kind of shit out in public, but that’s just because no one deserves to see the disgusting mess that is her underwear…..The good news is that my wife has mobility issues and taking off her panties is a lot more challenging for her than for regular girls, pretty much explaining why her underwear is so disgusting.

I do remember convincing a girl I was out partying with to take off her underwear in the middle of a club once, it wasn’t to give me easy access, it was just to see if the power of persuasion worked and it did and it did, but just not really in my favor, because within a minute of her doing it, she must have felt like a slut because next thing I knew, she was making out with every random guy, flashing them her pussy and everything I wanted, proving that no matter what you do, some other asshole benefits more than you do from your work.

Either way, here’s Dasha Astafieva working for us to benefit.