I have been spending a lot of time at a McDonald’s with a drug addict who has uneven legs, a sunken face and one platform show, like motherfucker’s still in the 70s and into disco. I also hang with a couple really old ladies, one who orders two coffees, one for her and one for her dead husband who she always says is on his way, he’s just parking the car, but doesn’t show up for the 3 hours she sits there. Then there’s a schizophrenic dude who talks craziness and always brings one or two new personalities with him, so the daytime McDonald’s scene is pretty intense. I only go because they have TVs and wifi.

Today, I was watching Canada’s answer to Access Hollywood and half their stories were screenshots of shit celebrities posted on twitter. They’ve become lazy and now instead of digging, they just have to post garbage these celebs or their staff post, because I guess that’s what fuels a site as useless as that.

So I decided to do my own twitter digging and all I came up with was this picture of pornstar Stoya that she took when she just finished a scene. You can see the after-whore glow, and some nipple, knowing she just got fucked hard and dirty in exchange for money. I figured you’d want to see it, even though I’ve never heard of her….even though she’s AVN’s 2009 best startlet because I don’t give a fuck about porn, pornstars and prefer local sluts….

After posting some topless pictures of Bree Olson that a friend of mine took in her hotel room during the AVN awards in Vegas because he’s got the in with the pornstars and wanted me to tell the world that he’s better than you, not that we needed to tell you that anyone is better than you. I mean, I could have said I had a friend with pancreatic cancer who just filed for bankrupcy, his wife left him for his best friend and cancer doctor who was in the process of saving his life, and now he’s torn whether to continue treatments or just kill himself and you’d be envious of him because a woman actually married him, even though she’s a fat cheating cunt.

Either way, some dude sent this video in of Bree talking at some conference about how she likes dirty sex, getting her faced shoved in the toilet, you know keeping it classy and making her parents proud, because I guess she thinks the more hardcore you go, the more relevant you are in the industry, or maybe it’s because she’s so desensitized that it’s the only way to go. I just know I don’t find it hot, but you probably will, so watch it.

Hustler is releasing some Star Trek themed porn and it made me laugh. Not because I ever watched Star Trek, but because you probably have. Sure these pictures don’t really represent what you’d expect to see on a pornset, something I’ve never really been on, unless you count the time I video taped some fat girl running away from my erect penis, but I don’t think you do.

I guess it’s only natural to associate yourself with people with like-minded people and by like-minded I mean have the same plastic surgeon. By the looks of these haggard sluts, it looks like they have both spent their fair share of time in the waiting room and that’s where they probably met.

If you’re wondering who the girl Shauna Sand is hanging with, her name is Taylor Wane and she’s some Hall of Fame pornstar who looks like a fuckin’ mess, but then again a lot of pornstars look like messes by the time they are 25, you know with the drugs, dirty sex and hard lives, so I guess if anything, she’s the kind of woman you’d want to end up like, if you are new to the industry, because she’s not dead, she just looks it.

I just hate this fake porn shit, give me an everyday girl with a set of real tits and I don’t care how many guys she’s fucked, or how many times she’s had the Clap, I just can’t take the jacked up tits and faces, it’s too fuckin’ strange to me and I can’t figure out who told them it looks great…or how they can look in the mirror and think they look presentable enough to leave the fucking house, you’d think the pointing, screaming and crying kids would tip the off to covering up their fuckin’ shit. Ya know what I mean…

I’ve posted this Kim Kardashian pedicure porn a few times before. It’s pretty fucking repetitive. I mean following some fat chick on her mundane daily errands for vanity is something I won’t do with my wife, so I don’t see why I am doing it over the internet for this whore, but it looks like I’m in too deep. The truth is that Kardashian gets her nails done because her feet are the only thing on her body that fits into the same size as skinny chicks, so she has to take serious care of these fucking things, because if they were to get all jacked up and fungus from neglect, since she can’t see or reach her toes, she can’t wash them properly, gangrene could set in and she could need to get the shit amputated, leaving her with nothing that fits into the same size as a skinny chick. If she really was out on an errand for vanity, she’d probably be better off going to the liposuction doctor.

Either way, here are the pics and video because you food fetishists will like this.

Here’s some Mickey Rourke making out with his girlfriend and by making out I mean giving her a little kiss. Don’t ask me why I am posting it, because I really don’t know, I think at the time I uploaded the pictures because I thought they were funny, but now I am not sure why I thought they were funny, so I guess I’ll keep them up there for those of you who haven’t been able to get his rippling half naked greased up body in The Wrestler. I’m talking to you sexually confused wrestling fan.

Since you love penis – you may like this clip…

So if you live in certain parts of the US, the Superbowl got interrupted with a clip from a porn. Finally, the Superbowl had a little fucking supstance.

Sure, I may not be into produced porn, I’ll take that shit over sports any fucking day, because naked girls getting fucked is more interesting to me than jacked men in tights rubbin’ up all over each other. Guys seem to never grasp what is wrong with me for thinking that people getting paid retarded amounts to do simple things like run a ball across a line by fooling other guys by making plays is a waste of time and the equivalent to watching two retarded kids banging rocks together, while watching girls get paid less than 1000 dollars a scene to get fucked every way like the whores that they are will always be worth my time, making this one of the best pranks or PR moves of all fucking time, you know since everyone in Arizona, where this happened, was watching the Superbowl last night. Amazing.

Here are some pictures of Ali Lohan doing a photoshoot. I am not going to lie, I am a little torn because of these, sure I deem them totally inappropriate, as her dress is sheer and her titties are busting out, because getting off to pictures of 15 year olds in pictures is a crime and sexualizing a 15 year old should be a crime, but no one can control your dirty thoughts, so you should probably just keep it to yourself and not tell the world the things you’ve done to yourself thinking about hot summer days spent at the Dairy Queen or the public pool.

The reason I am torn is because it is perfectly legal to bang 14 year olds in Canada, so if let’s say Little Lohan looked 15 and not 40 and was hot and not a haggard, busted up and broken down faced monster, and these pictures turned me on I could go find my own Local Little Lohan, put her in this little outfit, have her dance around the room a little, before teaching me what she learned watching Gossip Girl, but the second I bust out a camera, I get arrested and that doesn’t seem fair, it’s like make it all legal, or make it all illegal, but not being able to document you sexual conquests should is the fucking crime here.

Point being, I am not down with 15 year olds, they just aren’t experienced enough to bring the slutty, and if they are slutty, it’s all an act. I figure let the teenage boys premature ejaculate for them and I’ll take em over at 18. Unfortunately, that never happens, but I can pretend it does, this is the internet.

Dina Lohan doesn’t think the same way as me. She wants people jerking off to her daughter, because she knows sex sells. I mean her vagina is the only reason she’s ever accomplished anything in her life, from free coke to her daughters’ careers, and that should be fucking criminal, because I remember when I tried to sell my stepdaughter to the neighbor when she was 16, my wife threatened to get me put the fuck away, but the second you get off the street and on the screen, shit’s totally accepted. Injustice.

Point being, Dina Lohan needs to rethink her parenting strategies, not that she’s a parent in anyway or has ever been one. She’s always been someone using her kids to give her the glamor she’s never been able to get for herself, no matter how many blowjobs she gave, it was just failed dreams.

So in her jealous rage towards Miley’s success, while thinking her Ali deserves that fame, and because Miley got all that press for her whore pictures, she goes ahead and coordinates this photoshoot, hoping for results. Unfortunately, Ali Lohan will never be a Miley, because her sister ruined all chances of her doing anything in life that isn’t porn and this is just a preview of what’s to come.

By the looks of these pictures, she’ll be alright going down that porn route and I mean she’s already got a head start on other future pornstars, since her mom’s been prostituting her all her life. Sure other pornstars-to-be may have the advantage since they are at home being molested/ raped / trained in their trailers by their dads, but Ali Lohan’s already comfortable in front of a camera….and that will probably go a long way. I also hear she’s a triple threat, but haven’t quite figured out what that means….

Here are those pictures….

Janice DIckinson offers to do a porn tape with the paparazzi, because she’s one of those too horny for her own good bitches. It’s too bad that it was just a joke, because I love to see her dry weathered, coked up vagina do some circus tricks on tape. I hear the motherfuckin thing is just as crazy as her and after a few cocktails, it throws a tantrum, cries, then drinks some more, before puking all over some random dude’s dick, because it likes the attention.

After writing this website for years, I finally convinced a girl to get naked and do a video dancing for me. I started the site hoping to get girls topless, that didn’t work out too well for me, but in the back of my mind, I always thought someone would be willing to take her top off for me, but that didn’t work out for me either, because it turns out people don’t give a shit about useless sites, but that all changed today with this AMAZING video of Vivid Star Meggan Mallone doing a little dance for us topless.

The video was sent in by the people at Vivid to show me they care, it is directed by porn producer/director Shylar Cobi and I feel like I just won the lottery and that all this typing actually had a fuckin’ point. Yes, tits are enough for me, I have low expectations….so take that every teacher and ex girlfriend who told me I was wasting my time and that I was destined to failure. To think all these years, I believed you, or pretended to to justify my drinking…

Either way, this is just a Christmas miracle…I guess Santa does exist and isn’t just some creepy dude at the mall….

Either way, watch this hot/funny video to brighten up your day….Here’s the SFW Version….

Here are some older pics of her because she’s hot….and I am in love….

Some porn producer named Cezar Capone is offering Sarah Palin 2 million dollars to star in one of his MILF productions. I don’t know much about porn, despite everyone constantly telling me that I am a porn site, because I post nudity, but I really have no idea who this guy is. There’s something about produced porn that doesn’t turn me on at all, the girls are ugly, I can’t relate to the ripped big dicked guys fucking them mainly because they are the kids of guys I see out in bars and clubs and hate, so watching them fuck is as torturous as having to drink in the same building as them. The sex is as plastic as their fake tits, and all porns are the fucking same so I usually stick to small penis fat guy porn with average at best lookin’ girls doing random dirty things…but this isn’t about me, it’s about Palin….

He basically wrote this open letter offering her the money and even considering to throw in some extra money and a snowmobile for her husband to get in on the shit. His rationale is that she needs the money to buy the 150,000 dollars of clothes she will be forced to give back, no that she’ll actually give it back, but seems like good enough logic to try to get her naked on video….my logic ended at the fact that she has a pussy and everyone wants to fuck her.

The truth is that he should give her a cut of the profit, because let’s face it, if this ever happened, it’d be bigger than Paris Hilton’s tape so Cezare may not be an idiot for approaching her, but he’s kinda low ballin’ her, not that she’ll know the difference considering she’s as retarded as her kid…but any TV network will probably offer her substantially bigger offers to do a mainstream show and she doesn’t have to break her Christian values to do that, so maybe he needs to go back to the drawing board because my prediction is that this porn will never happen….but a TV show will. Not that you care.

I don’t consider myself a porn site, but since this shit is politcal I feel like there’s no real harm in posting this clip from Sarah Palin parody porn called Nailin Paylin, that will be Hustler’s biggest selling movie of all time, because guys and girls a like will want to see it, and from my experience, if you get a girl to sit through a porn, and not blow it off as disgusting or offensive in the first few minutes, you have a higher chance of getting laid, so it makes for a real good excuse to bust this out for a girl on a first date, provided you ever get any of those….because it will make them fuck you. There’s just something about watching people fuck that makes everyday people want to fuck better than what they just say, I guess it’s competitiveness.

This clip is about 2 russians coming to see her and ending up cumming on her face, I don’t know how true to life this is, considering Palin has 5 kids, and probably doesn’t like any load to go to waste on her glasses, but instead likes it all in her womb, but it’s a fuckin’ porn, you can’t expect them to get all the facts straight and if this was true to life, it’d be a lot less fun to watch, you know with her down’s syndrome baby always ruining the mood by running it’s helmet head into the wall everytime they start getting it on.

I don’t know what I am talking about, but I figure, this video really needs no intro or write up, so I haven’t figured out why I just bothered with one. WATCH IT…

Tennis is the most pornographic sport with these Eastern European girls in little skirts and panties grunting like they are fucking and I like to watch it because I am a pervert. Here’s some bitch named Jalena Jankovic taking it to the next level by throwing in some splits and using her ass to get some more coverage because she knows that her male fans will appreciate it. I never really understood why dudes freak out when strippers throw in the splits in the middle of a routine, I am guessing it’s got something to do with visualizing that flexibility in the bedroom, but I just find it obvious. I’d be a lot happier if a stripper pushed the limits a bit and fisted herself on stage while taking a shit instead, but then again, I am a tough crowd. I blame the internet for desensitizing me.

There’s nothing I like more than seeing a group of hip hop stars who have won an Academy Award come out with a legendary tune with such inspirational lyrics like “I like having sex but I’d Rather Get Some Head”.

The video is filled with a bunch of half naked sluts showing off their asses, simulating sex and doing all things strippers do and that’s fine by me. I figure if I was a band all my videos would be pornographic, it’s really what the people want to see and Hip Hop is all part of the reason little white girls are suckin’ dicks in the back of their boyfriend’s mom’s BMW X5.

Here’s a video that’s surfaced, but is probably from a while ago, of Dita Von Teese dyking out on video with a strap on. I hate Dita Von Teese, she does tame bullshit burlesque shit and looks like a vampire from the 1800s and that makes me feel uncomfortable because all I keep thinking is that bitch doesn’t wash, has the plague and shit’s in a chamber pot in her brothel boudoir or some shit.

I don’t know if this is news because I feel like I’ve seen her pussy before but blocked it out of my mind because I knew she was fucking Marilyn Manson. I remember she did Playboy and was internet famous before her celebrity really hit and now you can watch her rockin a strap on because lesbians may not be cool enough to fuck you, but when they let you watch them go at it, they are are better than all the other girls who don’t fuck you and unfortunately a hell of a lot better lookin than the lesbians I know who want to rip my dick off in some kind of victorious win for women everywhere, but that’s not really saying much because those lesbians are taking male hormones and have hair on their chests and clits the size of a really small penis. True story.