I heard when girls get pregnant, their nipples turn dark brown, so it’s safe to say that Ashlee Simpson has herself some African nipples and shit are hard while she’s out shopping with her fat baby filled uterus while Jessica sits at home crying and eating a container of ice cream because no one she wants is willing to knock her up, which is unfortunate because I know I would. Shit’s a pretty solid retirement plan, one better that knocking Ashlee Simpson.

The only mystery in all this is who knocked up this Simpson and why is Pete Wentz taking the blame, because everyone knows he’s scared of vagina, mainly his own.

Here’s some bonus pictures of Ashlee Simpson yesterday dressed like a french painter or someone married to a commerical Emo sexually confused asshole or a sailer at the ragatta lookin’ fat and fat tittied because she’s pregnant and not because she’s wearing horizontal stripes. See, I know fashion.