I don’t like Heidi Montag because I don’t think she’s hot and I am superficial and have standards when I am hiding behind my computer screen, but none when it comes to getting girls in bars to show me their tits. I find her annoying as fuck as she is always in her bullshit character, living a bullshit lie of a life that MTV puppetmasters have designed for her to maintain ratings and she’s just milking it for all she can, and I get that, because otherwise her future would involve a whole lot of workin’ the stripper pole back in Colorado, or living her rich kid life working for her dad’s company and driving his Porsche, not that I know that they are rich or not, but I am assuming she had a serious contact to make this miracle happen.

Either way, I don’t hate her sister though, her name is Holly and I think she’s the one in these pictures with her. She’s my Facebook friend and she started out ignoring me until I posted all her personal pictures and she reached out the threaten me with a lawsuit if I didn’t take them down. From there we established a solid Facebook friendshi and we send each other random messages a couple of times a month and I try to get her to talk dirty to me and send me nudes and she just tells me real basic shit and cockteases me with promises of going on drinking benders at MTV Video Music Awards and shit like that together and since I missed out on the whole drunken, messy, college girl gangbang Spring Break experience because college is for lesbians and peole too scared to grow up and gt a job and I went straight into addicts and street whores and girls missing teeth, I feel like she’s going to open my life up to great things. The only problem is that I don’t meet people off the internet because I am scared they are going to kidnap and rape me, and despite me being seen as the internet predator, I am actually a fuckin’ paranoid motherfucker who doesn’t trust anyone, even if getting raped and killed would be the most action I’ve had in years, it’s not really something I am going to entertain.

The truth is, the Holly I am talking to could be a 12 year old Filipino faking the shit, but I still like to believe that we are connected at the soul via facebook. If you want more Holly, you’ll have to watch the show because she’s going to be on it and I don’t really think any girl is worth that kind of abuse to yourself because The Hills are the Devils work, and the proof is all these Make a Wish foundation kids treating Heidi like some kind of celebrity, something we all know she isn’t, but it doesn’t matter what we think, it’s what the rest of the world thinks that matters and that scares me.