For those of you who don’t know, the show Roseanne used to make me sick to the fucking stomach.

I’d watch the shit to feel better about myself and to motivate me not to eat junk food and for some reason was compelled to tune in every fucking week, probably to see if Roseanne or Dan would die of a massive heart attacks while filming, and not because listening to her struggle for a breath while badly delivering lines, never expecting to end up marrying someone that looked like her. Life is mean that way.

Speaking of life being mean, I never understood was how the fuck Darlene was allowed on TV, not to mention allowed out of the fucking house. I mean seriously, this is the kind of girl you leave in the fucking woods on the way home from the hospital after your wife gave birth to her. They must have thought that the show already had such disgusting and unfortunate cast, that they might as well throw another into the mix.

It has to be impossible for even the dirtiest of perverts to jerk off to her mutant face that only another woman could appreciate, hence the reason why she’s a lesbian, the kind of lesbian who has her own baby and plans on raising it with two mothers like a irresponsible person would do, because they need revenge on the world for being born lookin’ this way.

Either way, when starting this post I was going to leave it at “Oh Fuck”, but went off on this rant for the one guy out there who found her worth fucking, and this is her now.

I’m just joking, I’m sure she’s a beautiful and kind person, I’m just jealous I can’t be with her.