I was walking home drunk around 4 am the other day and the cops decided to come hassle me. As I was talking to them trying to avoid getting arrested by telling them I am just walking home and that I don’t want trouble and shit, this crackhead black chick who was clearly pregnant and completely fucked out of her tree on whatever the fuck drugs she was on rides her bike by us, if you can call what she was doing riding a bike, it was more like swerving in and out of traffic on some kind of death ride like a drunken, drugged up pregnant chick on a bike would ride a bike. As soon as she sees the fuckin’ cops and me she panics, drops the bike and runs in the opposite direction. I try to tell the cops that I think they are wasting their time with me because this chick is obviously on drugs, obviously stole that bike and is ditching it and is obviously up to no fuckin’ good because she saw cops and is fleeing but instead of letting innocent me go home to check out the criminal, they ended up getting mad at me for trying to videotape the bitch and for telling them how to do their job and gave me some public drunkeness ticket. It’s like when I see cops giving out speeding tickets to people going 50 in a school zone, while there are people making meth in their basements to sell to those kids. It’s nice to see the pigs have their priorities straight.

Speaking of priorities, it looks like Britney’s are completely set striaght, because I know how a bad wipe or hemorrhoids can takeover someone’s life. I live with an obese woman and scratching her ass seems to be something she does more than eating bags of chips with her unwashed asshole smelling fingers. It’s pretty gross when my wife does it, but I think it’s hot when Britney does it because she’ may look like ghetto trash but she’s rich and that means her shit is more valuable than my wife’s poverty shit and you can probably smell that difference in their stained week old panties.