Shauna Sand is a perfect example of a woman who jumped the gun and altered as much as she could about herself because in the mid to late 90s media made bitches think this was hot, but she didn’t research how badly plastic surgery ages and weathers before getting the shit done. It was one of those living in the moment situations that may have lead to her “success” but it meant sacrificing her face and as tight a body she keeps with her drug addiction I assume she has and her eating disorders I assume she has, she still has the sickest fucking vagina out there and and face that is pretty much equally mangled to match….

Here are pictures of her in a see thru shirt, which I guess isn’t that big of a deal considering we’ve all seen her really fucking weird look dead vagina get fucked by a frenchman in that Shauna Sand Exposed Sex Tape but it’s still better than a bitch with stupid fake tits not wearing a see thru top, because nipples that have been cut off and re-attached on a regular basis is like porn to some people.

Pics via Fame

It was the BET awards and I’m not white or suburban enough for that shit, but I am hood enough to fall in love with every black chick I meet, whether it’s being featured in local hip hop video cameos or hitting up the hip hop club, I’m there, mouth dropped, lookin’ in amazement at the kind of asses this girls are made with, so amazed that sometimes I forget they have tits, until one of them comes a long in a see-thru shirt to remind me.

Armenian is such a beautiful language, you know, when you meet an Armenian girl and they start talking to you in their soft ethnic accent, and you think to yourself that this really nice complexion girl with her big brown eyes and amazing body had to have been sent to you from heaven, even when she says she needs to take a piss, shit warms your fuckin’ hear, then she picks up her phone only to talk to her other Armenian friend in Armenian and a series of hacks, spits and angry sounds come out of her, shit that sounds vile and like child molestation would sound if it was a language, and when you ask what happened and what’s wrong, thinking she just heard that her father killed her mother or some shit, she says she was just telling her mom she’ll be home in an hour.

That’s not to say Kim Kardashian knows the language or that she really has any substance, other than the shit spilling over her belt, because she is fat, but he does have a deep loving relationship with Armenian food, and really all food for that matter and that’s all that really matters….and like all fat chicks I see bending over, I can’t help but stare at their tits, I’m a man dammit and that’s just what we do.

So here’s the Armenian poster girl, you know the one little American Armenian girls look up to, since not that many other celebs are Armenian, and she is showing off her fatty tits…

So if you’re wondering what the titties Eminem used as a public urinal, mainly because they have the same relationship with a lot of dick like a public urinal, you know one you’d find in a stadium, or bar, maybe with some stray pubic hair on it, or chewed up gum, or maybe even a used condom or a syringe if you’re in the crazy part of town, here is Mariah Carey in a see through shirt with her crazy tits….

On a sidenote I’ve pissed on girls before, but the best time was after a night of hard drinking and downing 6 vitamin C tablets because i felt a cold coming on. I somehow convinced my gf to let me piss in her face and I did and she took some of the darkest piss I’ve ever seen leave my body in her mouth before puking, it wasn’t hot and pretty much ended our relationship cuz I can’t respect a woman who lets a very convincing, dashing, charismatic, pretty much homeless fat man piss in her face….

Lindsay Lohan may be crazy, I don’t know her so I couldn’t really tell you what the fuck she’s into, but I do know that she’s driving around a porn producers expensive car, she’s reportedly broke and out of work, she’s pretty much admitted to being a sex addict, you know to fill the void she feels from being an empty person with no father, she’s into eating pussy, which makes porn scenes all the more interesting.

Actually, it makes life all the more interesting and if you land a girl who is into girls and interested in eating pussy and actually means it, you have got to work that angle fast, because before you know it, she’ll be off doing it with other guys and girls and all that groundwork you laid into gettin her to accept it as a possibility gets thrown the fuck out of the window and into some other asshole’s bed, before you get your taste. It’s like you spend all your time on someone, and they take that shit to share with the guy next door, before you get the chance to really appreciate what you created.

I used to bang a friend of mine’s girlfriend. When he first got with her, before I got with her, he’d complain about how bad she was in bed, how she wouldn’t let him cum in her, how she was fuckin’ standard and so he spent a solid 6 months training her to be the little slut he wanted and when he finally got her to a good place, she moved in on me because she was all sexually confident with her new found skills and he was out of town, so I got this well practiced pussy and I think it was the only time I ever came from a blowjob, it was fantastic, especially since I didn’t have to go through all the hard work, unfortunately, the aftermath when my friend found out, wasn’t quite as pleasant….

Here’s the video….

I always write about girls in see through tops, I figure why not switch it up a bit, you know and show off Russell Brand wearing whatever the fuck he’s wearing, but definitely shouldn’t be wearing, but assume it’s part of his long hair, sexually ambiguous, wordy bullshit comedy act that is kind of irritating as shit, and kind of funmy at the same time, because this skinny motherfucker could double as a woman if you got him in the right position and I know you like that. Gaylord.

Here’s real life Gossip Girl Brittny Gastineau, some rich slut who has a football playing father, who spent her youth as a socialite, rich slut and is spending her time now trying to get a legitimate career in entertainment and she is doing that by showing up to an event wearing her lingerie for a shirt, when lingerie is supposed to be meant for strippers, Valentine’s Day and 25th anniversary bedroom celebrations, and the whole thing is just crazy.

I mean Halloween is next week, and girls go out in lingerie all the time, so maybe she’s getting a head start, but an insider told me that she’s dressing up like Paris Hilton in her sex tape, because when you’re a slut in everyday life, Halloween can only take 2 routes and they are dressing wholesome for the irony of it, or going balls out and getting naked.

So she may be a week early in this get-up, but I’m not complaining, I think lingerie should be mandatory business atire, despite how wild the concept is, and if I owned a company, that would be the law, but since I don’t own a company, because it would go bankrupt before it started, and because I’d be arrested in the first week for exposing myself to my staff because I’d make it clear that was part of their job description, despite it being against the law, I’ll just settle with these pictures of some rich socialite wearing her underwear as outerwear, because that concept is just wild.

What’s next? Usingsex toys in public, or bikinis in the winter, or socks for condoms, or plastic bags for shoes like the homeless dude down the street….I guess fashion is just way to crazy for me….assuming that this Brittny Gastineau character has any idea what fashion is, because I know I don’t.

Rihanna is wearing a barely see through shirt with no bra and you can kinda make out her nipple ring if you really try and I don’t really see anything exciting about this shit because you have to have some serious virgin goggles to make out her nipples. I guess the point of this is to say that I still like Rihanna and the choices she makes when she goes out clubbing, maybe next time, she’ll sprawl out and insert two fingers in herself to make the pictures worth posting, I know this post is shit, but I’ve been laying low the last few weeks and have nothing to write about this second.

Her name is Patsy Kensit and she is a nobody who married the dude in Oasis when he was at the height of her career which pretty much means she’s still a nobody, because Oasis died a long time ago, but since she’s out and the paparazzi care enough to take pictures of her tits. I guess whenever I go out, which is almost never, and a girl shows me her tits I always try to get pictures of it. Unfortunately for me, it turns out that strip clubs don’t like cameras very much and beat you up for trying to capture the moment to share with your loved ones when they ask for what you’ve been up to…..

Either way, I guess she’s never given up and that’s something I like to tell strippers to keep their morale up, but usually only at the end of my lap dances when I’ve run out of money….but that’s just because I want them to keep on going….but they usually take it as some kind of inspirational words of wisdom that helps them live with themselves for being whores….whores who have now had their tits seen by less people that this Patsy Kensit character. I guess she’s like the Den Mother now…

I don’t know what I am talking about.

The good news of the day is that Patricia Heaton decided to put on a shirt at the beach like a fat teenage girl on summer vacation. After seeing her over-tucked tummy tuck that amputated her belly button, I think it was a good beach fashion choice, not that I know anything about fashion. She also decided to put on a pair of better fitting bikini bottoms that offer a little more support to her saggy vagina and I am all for girls strapping up when shit is clearly needed.

Kinda like the time this girl was acting up in my apartment, so I strapped her to my bed….it made having sex with her a hell of a lot easier because it took very little convincing and the sock I stuffed down her throat made her cries for me to stop sound a lot more like whimpers of pleasure, like she was actually enjoying it. I figure if I don’t hear “No” or “Stop” clearly, then it’s all fair game….or maybe like the time my wife put on some kind of corset and pantyhose to make her look skinny, when what she really needed to look skinny was a year membership at the gym and a serious diet.

Either way, here’s Patricia Heaton in action….

Watching the Britney disaster may be like watching a bad made for TV movie that never ends and you’re probably all bored of it, but you’re wife forces you to keep watching and that is because she is a bored housewife who is bored of life and bored with you so this gives her something to occupy her time and something to talk about with her other bored housewife friends who also bore their husbands with it.

But watching her breasts in a see-through shirt during her craziness is like watching the nature channel. Her floppy tits aiming to the ground remind me of a crazed Gorilla trying to escape being held captive against its will, all we’re missing is the baby gorilla suckin’ on them tits…but I guess that’s because the big bad zoo keeper took little babies away, which is too bad, because otherwise this would be porn to me.

I like british people, because they always stand out like a coldsore at beaches around the world. When I was a little younger, I worked as a janitor at a Club Med. I know it doesn’t sound that glamourous, but I figured if I am gonna be a janitor anywhere, it might as well be on a beach somewhere. I guess the benefit of the experience was that the single women thought the “Maintenance” crew were there to act out porno fantasies with them. You know, these crazy bitches with a little money, who run off with their kids on a family vacation, with hopes of giving a serious pooning to someone with brown skin. Anyway, I only did it for a season, but the point of this post is that British travellers on the beach don’t fit in. They are pastey and usually wearing a fuckin’ snowsuit as to not get a sun burn. Evangeline Lily’s boyfriend is no acception to the rule, even though he lives in Hawaii, motherfucker stills swims with his shirt on, unless it’s a way to cover up some deformity, like a third nipple, or no nipples, or anything that involves the nipple.