Her name is Amanda Holden, she is some Britain’s Got Talent judge or host who I’ve never heard of because I don’t live in Britain and even if I did, I seriously doubt that I’d care enough about the grey skinned, rotting toothed, overweight, ugly people from Britain’s level of fuckin’ talent, to watch this garbage, but it did give me Susan Boyle virginity to jerk off to, so I guess I shouldn’t fully discount its potential.

What I do care about is charity organizations, not because I like helping the world or saving whales, aids babies and breasts, but because some genius decided to come up with concept that really push people out of their comfort zone, not that this whore isn’t used to get naked, but you know what I mean, to get attention to their cause, guilting celebrities and women everywhere to get half naked and use a pair of heels to cover their nipples, because dude’s probably got some kind of heel fetish and this whole perversion is diverted by a good cause…pretty clever.

Kim Kardashian went to try on thousand dollar shoes because she’s rich and excessive but more importantly because fat chicks love shoes and she’s a fat chick, despite popular belief. The reason fat chicks love shoes is simple. It is the one article of clothing they can indulge in that doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves when they try them on. They are the same size that they’ve been since they were 16 and often times they can squeeze into a smaller size than their skinny counterparts. So if you ever roll past a shoe store, you’ll notice the dollar spent on shoes increases based on a girl’s weight. So seeing Kim Kardashian struggle to get her shoes off is not all that surprising, I mean as a fat person I know how hard bending can be, I mean that’s why I try to stick with velcro running shoes, because it makes leaving the house less work, you know with me on the ground trying my hardest to get to the laces, almost always ending up rolling on the floor, using a chair for support and spending way too much time doing one of life’s simple tasks. It is a serious handicap. The difference is that Kim Kardashian has hired help to remove her shoes for her, because I guess that laziness is how she got in this mess. I mean maybe I am jumping to conclusions, maybe she really got herself trapped in these shoes and they needed the Jaws of Life to get her out, like the time I drove into a lamp post while drunk, or maybe her ankles are just swollen like the rest of her. I guess it really doesn’t matter but I’ve gone this far so I might as well post it.

I am always fucking hung over fridays and have nothing to say because I have no idea what the fuck I did last night, but whatever it was, I left my brain wherever I ended up which was probably the gutter. I do know that I am seeing double and there’s nothing wrong with seeing double when you’re watching your useless wife try to get your limp dick up because it makes you feel like you’re having the threesome she never agree to have, but there is a problem with it when you’re lookin’ at Hadyen Panettiere because one of her is too much, and that’s only half the size of normal person.

Either way, here she is trying on shoes for Stuart Weitzman. I don’t know shoes but I guess Stuart Weitzman has a line of clown shoes or circus performing fireman boots that Hayden is the spokesperson for, and if he doesn’t he should.