LeAnn Rimes is fucking ugly but I am using her as a example of what’s to come this summer….and that’s short jean shorts. I am already seeing them everywhere. I’m talking the shortest fucking shorts with half of a bitch’s ass hanging out of the shit. It’s on young teen girls, it’s on everyone, and it is always fucking good even when on garbage bodies like LeAnn Rimes….

I don’t know how she homewrecked her new boyfriend’s house, I don’t know why he’d leave his wife and kids for the motherfucker, but I think it’s safe to assume it was for money, cuz she’s fucking ugly…but at least she’s wearing shorts….

Pics via Bauer

Jessica Biel looks a hell of a lot less like a dude than she has looked the last few years, I guess she cooled down on the weight lifting and let her estrogen out to breathe and blossom and I am pretty sure Justin Timberlake is pretty upset about it, cuz no one who sings like the angel he sings like doesn’t like getting things shoved deep in his ass while tickling his balls.

Here are some pictures of her ass getting pushed into a car by Timberlake which is the same strategy I’ve used on bitches throughout my life…I mean a motherfucker’s gotta get laid …..

Pics via Bauer
Pics via PacificCoastNews

Here are some pictures of a new Jessica Simpson with her ripped legs. The funny thing about being famous is that when bitch was 15 pounds fatter we all ripped into her for being a fat bitch who needed to lay off the ice cream sandwiches in John Mayer’s dressing room. Now bitch has committed to herself to working out, lost all the fat and has legs that remind me of a wrestler and the easy thing to do would be to dis her, but I won’t because I’d take a strong chick over a fat chick any fucking day, and if I could get my wife to fit into a pair of small shorts instead of the XXL sweats she currently rocks, my penis would be in a happier fucking place.

I used to go to a strip club that always had muscle chicks on staff. They looked nothing like a Jessica Simspon, because these bitches were the real deal. I am talking 30 inch thighs, huge biceps and the broadest fucking backs. I never understood why they were there, I think the manager was into that kind of thing or something, or maybe they couldn’t hold down a real job because they were too busy doing push-ups or some shit. Everytime they’d try to sell me a lap dance, I’d ask them how much it would cost to arm wrestle them instead. Unfortunately, these bitches didn’t think like dudes because otherwise they’d laugh and have a go, but they just looked liked dudes and thought the same way the other hotter strippers thought, like that they were some kind of goddess or fantasy who deserved my money for showing me her pectorals and clit the size of a grown man’s thumb…I never went through with it because I was scared, but I am sure they were really nice people.

Either way, here’s the Jessica Simpson in shorts rockin’ some solid legs I would still like to wear as a scarf.

Here are some pictures of Anna Faris showing off the apples of her bottom. This is one of my favorite trends in the last few years, because short shorts not only expose vagina definition, but because seeing ass cheeks reminds me of the 70s and those were the good years. The funny thing is that girls of all ages are rockin’ this and the other day I saw a mother daughter short short duo and shit was better than any porn I have seen.

Either way, this bitch has a long list of D-List credits, so I don’t really know who she is. The reality of the entertainment industry is that D-List celebs have it fucking made. They aren’t the center of attention so they can live semi-normal lives with more money than the average asshole in the world and they don’t have to take themselves too seriously because the movies they are in are shit no one will watch expecting an academy award nomination. If some of these girls weren’t D-Listed they’d be strippers.

The funny thing about strippers is that they think they are celebrities. They walk around the club like they are important and like I should be too scared to ask them for a lap dance even though we pay them to get naked and I see them as my employee since I am paying her and last I checked when you paid someone for their time, they were working for you. The funnier thing about strippers is that they actually think they are professional dancers because I know dance and I know that shit wouldn’t fly at my contemporary dance class….I mean, I like tits.

I am not in a contemporary dance class asshole, I was just at a bar the other day and 5 strippers were stripper dancing in the corner like they were Britney Spears and this was her big comeback performance, but they looked like assholes because they were in clothes and there was no pole, but you couldn’t tell them that they were disasters because they insisted dancing was their job…I corrected them by saying getting naked was their job, then 4 big muscle dudes asked me to back off. Motherfuckers.