So Lohan doesn’t know this site exists but she’s been my Valentine for the last 3 years I have been doing this shit. I decided a long time ago that I needed to focus on one celebrity back then and I went with Lohan. I ended up scoring her phone number and left her a lot of creepy messages on her answering machine in hopes of her filing a restraining order or to even get me arrested. I figured it would have been good publicity and since she’s so loose in the hips, I probably would have ended up marrying her. She never called me back so I’d like to say something like “it’s her loss” like I am better than she is and like she’s missing out or something that makes my low self esteem feel better about myself, but I figure that the reality is that we are both missing out because a love this strong shouldn’t be ignored…and by love I mean I want to get her pregnant and live on her couch because it would make for a better life.

Either way, she brought her tits out for you all to enjoy and this is where the jealousy comes in and I gotta say stop lookin’ at my girl like that motherfucker. It’s making me mad. Cuddles.

PS – I can’t link to my stalker posts because my site is broken….but if you’re crafty enough you will use the search box to find it….